Howdy, Pinksters!
This week, I had a patient who came in because of an abnormal pap smear, but we ended up chatting a whole lot more about the anatomy of girl parts. It still amazes me how many of you out there still don’t really understand the Pretty Pink Pussy (that’s code for “vagina, vulva, clitoris, etc…you get the picture). So this post is my gift to all of you for whom “down there” is still a mystery. I can see you all blushing now (Oh my, that doctor just said the word pussy!) But don’t be shy or embarrassed. Owning Your Body is all part of Owning Pink, and you have to understand it to Own it. So here goes, Pinkies. You ready?
Pinkies, Meet Yoni
I don’t mean to insult anyone who is already very in touch with her body, but in case you’re one of those women who has never been introduced to Yoni (what I call my girly parts), let me introduce you. Pinkies- Yoni. Yoni- Pinkies. Or you can make it more personal. What do you call your girly parts? If you’re still calling it Front Bottom or Pee Pee after raising your kids, maybe it’s time to reclaim your girly parts for yourself. I taught an Owning Sexuality workshop and one woman named hers Elizabeth. Another named hers The Furry Monkey. What about you? Have you named your girly parts? Try it! Be creative. Close your eyes and let the name come to you, then start using it. You might be surprised what comes up. Today, I’m going to invite you to Own Pink by taking a tour of your girly parts, whatever you call them. Are you ready? Wheee!!!! Here we go!
What You’ll Need For the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour
1.A private room with a door you can lock
2.A hand mirror or a full length mirror you can straddle up to
3.A nonjudgmental mind
4.A smile on your face (Yes, you can giggle. In fact, I encourage it.)
Take the Tour
Step 1: Take your hand mirror, or if you’re one of those limber yogis, just straddle up to a full length mirror, and open your legs all the way, so you can get a good look at yourself. If you’re not that limber, just lie on your back frog-legged and hold the mirror where you can see yourself.
Step 2: Take a gander at yourself, and release all judgment. If you hear yourself saying, “Ewww…how ugly,” trying turning your negative thought into an affirmation, such as “Thank you, vulva, for protecting my delicate vagina from the outside world,” or something like that. You’d be surprised how many women have never done this and really don’t know what’s what. How can you Own Your Body if you’ve never even looked at it? Make a commitment to knowing and loving your body, just as it is.
Step 3: Approaching your body with a sense of gratitude, let’s begin the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour. (Yes, the name is meant to make you smile. But first I have to tell you a funny story. I was giving a lecture to a group of lesbians, and when I started talking about the Pretty Pink Pussy, one of them piped up, “Finally, a gynecologist who can say the word Pussy without flinching.” I felt all fluffed up like a peacock, to get this compliment from a group of women who really know Pussies.)
The Vulva and Clitoris
But back to the tour. First, let me get you oriented. When you look in the mirror, you’re going to see a mound of pubic hair at the top- this is called the mons pubis. It doesn’t serve much function other than alerting your sexual partern that there are some good gems hidden underneath your bush. When you spread your legs apart, you will see your vulva, the whole collection of outside parts. Within it, you will notice two sets of labia. The labia majora consist of the two meatier, outermost lips. Just inside the labia majora are the labia minora, the two thinner, inner lips. These outer structures serve to protect the delicate structures that lie beneath the surface. When you spread the labia open, you will see the rest of your genitals. If you look just below the mons pubis, the first thing you’ll come across is your clitoris. It’s the nerve-laden nub of tissue at the very top of your genitals, just below the mons pubis. This is the only organ in either the male or the female body designed exclusively for sexual pleasure. Wow! Good thinking, JABA (Jesus/Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Athena, Etc.) Pretty cool, huh?
The Urethra
If you go down from the clitoris, the next major landmark you’ll hit is the first of your three holes- the urethra, which is the tube that connects your bladder to the outside world, known to my three-year old daughter as the “pee pee hole.” You urinate out of your urethra, and your Skene’s glands, which are located just inside the urethra, are believed to be the origin of the elusive and controversial female ejaculation. In some women, during some orgasms, fluid may be expelled from the urethra. (If this has never happened to you, don’t worry. It only happens to some women, and even among those women, it doesn’t happen every time.)
The Hymen
Moving further south, you will come across the opening to your second hole- the vagina, which is a larger hole than the urethra and serves several important functions. The hymen, or what remains of it, lives right at the entrance to the vagina, right at the introitus. If you imagine the vagina as the sleeve of a men’s dress shirt, the hymen is its cuff. Usually, in adult women who have had sex, the hymen looks like a rag-tag pink, fleshy circle around the vaginal opening, which may have several breaks in the circle or may no longer be visible, especially if you’ve had children.
The Vagina
Just past the hymen is the vagina, which is a potential space, meaning that, if nothing is holding it open, it collapses on itself like a sock without a foot in it. But the walls of the vagina are stretchy and allow it to expand. When you look at it, you won’t see this giant cavity. Instead, you’ll just see an opening, which can expand to serve its function. This is the mother of all pussy places. The vagina is the place where sexual intercourse happens, and during childbirth, it serves as the birth canal, stretching to allow a baby to come through. Outside of reproduction, it is the place where menstrual blood leaves the body, where the controversial G-spot lives, and where any number of Pretty Pink sexual activities take place.
The Perineum
Still heading south, if you leave the vagina, the next thing you encounter is the perineum, the tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus, the opening to the rectum. The perineum is where you might see an episiotomy scar or tear if you’ve had a baby. It is also the most common area infected by certain sexually transmitted diseases, such as herpes and genital warts. Functionally, the perineum serves to separate the vagina from the rectum, with all its potentially harmful fecal bacteria, but recreationally, this very sensitive tissue is part of sex-play for many couples.
The Anus
Last but not least comes your third hole, the anus, leading to your rectum, which is the end of the gastrointestinal tract that starts at your mouth. Surrounded by the anal sphincter, which is under your muscular control and serves to hold in poop and gas, the anus looks like a mouth that just ate a lemon, all puckered up and wrinkled. Like the vagina, the rectum is a potential space, so when there’s nothing in it, it collapses in on itself, but when it’s filled with feces, it dilates, and the anal sphincter relaxes to let it out.
Step 4: Pat yourself on the pussy! You did it! Thank yourself for taking the time to know your body better, and affirm your girly parts for all the beautiful things they do for you. To Own Pink, you must Own Your Body. You can’t hide it under panties and skinny jeans and pretend it’s not there. It’s all part of being a woman and being comfortable in your skin. Own it, baby!
How was that for you? Please tell me about it in the comments section. Are you laughing? Do you feel empowered? Are you inspired to talk to your daughter to help her own her body? Tell me what you think, Pinkies!
And Happy Cinco de Mayo!
With love and Pink Pussies,
Lissa
www.lissarankin.com
PS. For all of you following me on Twitter and Facebook, this social media cartoon is for you. Friggin’ hysterical!
Tags: female anatomy, pussy, sex ed, sex education, vagina, vulva, vulva diagram
Thank you for writing this post Lissa! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to have the Pretty Pink Pussy Talk with women of all ages–teens to 60’s!!
Now I can point them to your post.
Shelley
I thought this was a delightfully fun way of talking about our girly parts. Too many women are afraid of them, like they’re sinful or something. Too many men refer to the vagina as if it’s all there is, when we girls know the best parts sit outside it! I’m going to send this link to all my girlfriends and to my sons, who will hopefully one day thoroughly know and enjoy ALL the parts!
Being real enough to educate with a smile is an amazing gift, particularly for a doctor. Thank you for this!
Thanks for the tour! That was fun! LOL!
I have to admit, I am one of those women who does not even want to think about my vulva. (I even hate writing the word and I’m only 27 years old). I usually flinch if my husband even says the word pussy, scolding him for being vulgar. I’ve never touched myself “in there” and the times I have looked at it with a mirror i think to myself “is that really what it looks like? How can my husband like it so much?” I think all this is part of the reason I am not even comfortable making love. Thanks for the advice! I’m going to try and have a new attitude about my “thing” , um I mean pussy.
Dearest Simmy-
Thank you for being brave enough to even write the word “pussy” and mean it in a positive way. You’re on the path, and at the risk of sounding condescending, I’m proud of you! Take your time, say the words quietly- to yourself- and Own It, Baby. It takes time, but you’ve got it in you, sweetie….
xo
Lisssa
Hi Lissa!
How elegantly erudite and straightforward you are in this explanation! While I have met women in my life who either don’t understand or ignore their pussy because of revulsion/intimidation from an early age or even later in their lives, there are those of you who embrace and love their “tender parts.” For both men and women, this delightful garden of Eden, is truly a place of worship, and a sacred place, not to be dismissed or taken lightly. Thank you for the great work you’re doing through Owning Pink! Love and Peace, Toby
Thanks so much, Toby! You are definitely a Pink God! We women are blessed to have awesome men like you in our lives, who appreciate, nurture, respect, and value the beauty of the feminine.
Hi there,
I’m in a debate with my boyfriend about my orgasm. He claims that all the women he’s been with before have orgasmed through intercourse. I’ve only ever orgasmed through clitoral stimulation. I’m thinking that maybe some of those women were faking it? I’ve tried and tried to cum using dildos of all different shapes and sizes to no avail. My clit is the magic button. Is there something wrong with me? I feel all this pressure now to cum through regular sex and don’t think I’m capable…please advise.
Oh sweetie, you are SOOO normal! The majority of women can only orgasm with direct clitoral stimulation. While some are creative enough to get that clitoral stimulation by fussing around with positions, many need either oral sex or manual stimulation to find the big O. Some women do swear by their G spot, that magical (and elusive) spot a couple inches inside the vagina on the anterior wall, towards the front. For some, stimulation in this area, in the absence of clitoral stimulation, can result in intense orgasm. But those women are rare (and lucky). I don’t know about you Pinkies, but for me, the clit is where it’s at.
So please tell your boyfriend that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are NORMAL, and he should feel blessed that you care enough to investigate. But don’t ever let him make you feel like you’re less than some other partner who might have experienced vaginal orgasms. Women fake it all the time , so who knows what REALLY went on. And what’s he doing talking to you about all those women anyway? I mean, REALLY? Tell him to thank his lucky stars he has YOU now, and you like your orgasms clitorally, thank you very much (no disrespect intended
If he insists that you cum through vaginal intercourse, sit on top of him and touch yourself when he thrusts away. No reason you shouldn’t get off while he does! You are the way you are- and that’s perfect in my book. Own it, ba-by!
[...] Take the Pretty Pink Pussy Tour. The first step to getting rid of nervousness during sex is to know and love your body. If [...]
Thanks so much .
Im so glad I came across your site. You suggested that I take a mirror and go look at my PPP. Im 46 years old and I dont think Ive ever done that. And it was beautiful. However, when I think of what it looks like I do want to touch it. HA now I understand why men want to see and touch it. I used to be so nervous about anyone seeing it. Not any more. Thanks!
Heey, Wellll this something im not gunnna forget, lots of facts i did not know, i shared this with my boyfriend… kinda feel like it make us closer, but i was wondering why my orgasm are soo loud, and kinda hurtt, its a good thing i think, i wanna know what you have to say?
Hey cutie pie-
Thank you for writing! I’m guessing that when you say your orgasms are loud, you’re expressing that you “Woo hoo!” loudly. SO more power to ya, girlfriend. As for hurting, well…I’d have to know more about what you’re feeling to truly comment.
But thank you for trusting us and for saying what you feel.
Rock on, sister.
Lissa
im not really sure, how to explain it too much, just know, the feeel isnt reaal, like some kinda love drug….
I met my boyfriend playing tennis. The first time we were sexually intimate, was just after a game & before a shower. He used his fingers, causing me to orgasm four times over that fifteen to twenty
minutes. I was so very wet with the secretions.. maybe a cup full of what he called pure love juice. He would cup his fingers, bring a palm full of the pungent wetness and wipe it into his lips & mouth cringing with moans of delight. He would insist on
us both enjoying a super wet kiss, swapping this wetness until it was all gone. I must admit, no man has since caused me to replicate those glorious orgasms.
He really showed me how to love sex & take it to the limit.
Hey there, thanx for the tour. Im engaged and am still a virgin (and proud of it) but im trying to kinda get a head start for when i do get married to my beautiful fiance. And advice for a first timer?
And what is a womans first sexual experiance like (usually). Ive heard they could hurt and be very uncomfortable, and my aim is to make it as pleasurable and enjoyable as possible for her, for her first time
Thanx Rick
This was a beautiful and very inspirational piece of writing! It was playful, informative and empowering~ Thanks Lissa for sharing the love and appreciation of girly parts that is rare or excluded in popular media. Nowadays, many women and girls aren’t aquainted with their lady bits, and it detracts their self confidence.
Thaks and take care! <3
Dearest Rick,
You’ve inspired me to write a whole post in answer to your question, so stay tuned (and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!) Bless you for being so conscientious about nurturing your beautiful fiance. She is a lucky woman.
And thank you so much to all the rest of you!
BIg hugs
Lissa Rankin, MD
I love this, this is beautiful. I first looked into a mirror when I was 12 years old and I’m still doing it now. Its strange how she’s changed over the years, much darker and more fun.
As for orgasms, I’m another who can only come with clitoral stimulation. I know women who can come via penetration but that brings its own set of problems.