Happy summer solstice Pinkies!

And happy birthday Fred! Introducing Fred Krazeise, the newest member of the Pink Posse – Pink god, intrinsic coach, certified massage therapist, Reiki master, and founder of Empowered and Fit, an organization that offers a nurturing space and a source of healing for women recovering from shock, trauma and suffering from physical or emotional pain or stress. Owning Pink is thrilled to be blessed with Fred’s humor, intellegence, profound wisdom, and all-around Pinkness (and we're not just saying that because it's your birthday, Fred!).

Please join us in wishing Fred a very happy birthday, and welcoming him to the Pink Posse.

With love and gratitude to all the Gods who “get it,”

Joy

……..

Ok, I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself. Why? Because Lissa has asked me to be the first man on her Pink Posse team, and let me tell you, it really has me freaked out! She even dubbed me a “Pink God” in a recent post. Yikes!

"Me? A “Pink God?” I shudder.

At best, the notion makes me chuckle. Thankfully, I can always laugh at myself.

I’m thinking “Men in Tights,” or a bad production of “Midsummer Night’s Dream.” And I’ve long passed the age when I even looked good in tights! So, no . . . no, this isn’t going to work out. And I need to get this visual out of my head before I have to pluck my eyes out!

“Pink God?”

At worst? Well, let’s just say that all sorts of insecure feelings begin to rise up within me. I look at the other members of Lissa’s team, “Pink Goddesses” all of them, and I ask myself, ‘what can I possibly offer here?’ Every one of these women is amazing, incredible, and accomplished. Doctors, therapists, coaches, radio show hosts, writers . . . there’s even a dog for heaven’s sake! And he’s cute! I can’t compete with a dog!

“Breathe Fred. Ground yourself,” the voice inside of me says.

And I suddenly realize that feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, unworthiness, even feelings of guilt, are the same feelings that many of my clients experience everyday. And here I am, feeling the same things. All because of a simple blog post. Go figure.

So what would I tell them, if the situation were reversed?

I’d first say, “Breathe Fred. Ground yourself.”

Ok. That sounds good. What else?

If you were my client I would say that one of two major pillars of your personal wellness, the foundation upon which you can grow, love and thrive, is unconditional self-love. The other pillar is self-responsibility, and that means taking ownership of yourself, taking charge of your real needs, and finding ways to meet those needs directly. But, I want to focus on the notion of self-love, because I think it’s an area where women are particularly challenged.

Self love? It’s really simple. Piece of cake! Just love yourself unconditionally. That’s all you have to do. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you.” And then believe it. Go ahead. Try it! It’s easy, right?

No, it’s not easy at all. It’s one of the hardest things in the world to do. Why? I don’t know. There are many reasons – too many to go into here, so I’m just going to focus on a couple of them.

One reason that it is difficult for women to unconditionally love themselves is that women are constantly bombarded by advertising and media who use women’s bodies to sell their products. Every day, you are all confronted with this feminine “ideal,” a perfectly proportioned woman, with flawless skin. And she’s younger than you. As a young girl, you grow up wanting to look like the models in the magazine. And as an older woman, you try to return to your youth. As a result, you’re never satisfied with where you are now.

One of my favorite writers is Vared DeLeeuw. She writes a funny, witty and poignant blog titled “Mom Grind.” Read her post, “Ten Ways to Love Yourself as a Woman.” Read it, accept it, and own it. I cannot add any wisdom to what she has already written. If you read the post every day for a month, you will start yourself along the path of self-love and acceptance. Make it your personal mantra. It’s brilliant, and you’ll begin to realize that beauty can take on many forms. And you are truly beautiful.



Another reason women have a difficult time loving themselves revolves around the issue of work / life balance. Women have made tremendous strides in the workplace. There is a lot left to do, but I think it’s pretty exciting that Ursula Burns was named CEO of Xerox. You know what’s cool about that? She was handed the reigns to this iconic American company by another woman, Anne Mulcahy, who recently retired. I am not sure, but I’m reasonably certain that this is one of the first women-to-women transitions in major American corporate history. Go women!

But the issue of work / life balance is real. My dear friend Terrill Welch is an expert in these matters. She’s a women’s leadership coach and has helped hundreds of women find their leadership mojo. I always turn to her for advice in this area.

Terrill says, “Women most often have primary responsibility for home management, child-care and elder care. These double or triple workloads have changed little in the past 30 years, while the average weekly hours at work have steadily crept higher.” She goes on to say that “Many offices put pressure on everyone to spend their free time outside of work doing office networking; I am talking about those office outings (golf games, happy hours, etc) that in fact are used to develop key office career connections, and missing them may well have an effect on your career.”

That’s a lot to handle. You want a career. But you also have a family. How do you balance all of that? She has a number of suggestions for networking on office time, and not your own time, such as Wednesday afternoon coffee meetings, or scheduling golf outings during the week in the early morning when courses are likely to provide discounts.

She also encourages male colleagues to take advantage of family-friendly benefits. She suggests that to your male colleagues you propose something like “Your daughter is only a baby once. I am really glad I took those first months with (your child’s name).” Or “I think it is important that Jim makes it to his son’s recital today. I’m willing to meet with his client to provide our background on this case.”

And she is emphatic in her belief in establishing a workplace culture that supports work/life balance for everyone in the office. The encroachment of work into personal time is an issue for both women and men.

Get to know her, She is truly a Woman Behind Women. She’s your friend and ally.

One final idea that is my own.

Make time for yourself. I know it’s hard, but you need more “me” time. You feel guilty when you are not giving to your family, your spouse, your significant other, your lover, your partner. But, I would like for you to begin to embrace this idea: All of the people in your life will benefit from a happy, healthy you.

Just think about that idea for a bit, and make it happen for you.

There are wonderful women all around, all over the place. They are certainly all over my life, and I’m inspired by them. I’m in awe of them. Many are my own clients, and they teach me every day. Identify the wonderful women in your life. Support them unconditionally, whoever they are. When you start to do that, it will make it easier for you to support yourself, and to love yourself.

So, what am I doing here? Do I feel like I could belong here? Can I really be part of the Pink Posse?

You bet I belong here. I’ve figured out my role here, my job. My job is to be your biggest cheerleader. My job is to hold a mirror up to each of you and show you how fabulous you all are. And this mirror doesn’t focus on imperfections. It will show you how others see you and how I see you: confident, capable, and complete. My job is to help you realize that you always “can,” even when you say “I can’t.”

Ok, that’s all for now. I’m looking forward to our journey together.

Now, it's time for me to get measured for those tights. Or, are those pom poms? Whatever, it’s going to be fun!

Peace!

Fred