Archive for August, 2009

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Mojo Monday: Give Your To-Do List (and Yourself) A Break

Monday, August 31st, 2009

to do list smEvery morning when I wake up, my monkey mind inevitably roams to the realms of my to-do list. I’ll bet you can all relate. We wake up, stretch, rub our eyes, then BOOM. The chatter begins. There is grocery shopping to do. Child care to deal with. Meetings, work, presentations, homework, whatever. You’ve barely just opened your eyes, and already, you’re feeling anxious.

What Must I Do Today?
My daily list always includes writing for Owning Pink, checking email, tweeting on Twitter, paying attention to my daughter, cooking healthy meals, getting outside and exercise, meditating, catching up on Facebook, working on my next book, returning phone calls, and making time for sex with my husband. Some days also include seeing clients at CLEAR Center of Health, painting for my two upcoming solo shows, and meeting with women who are interested in co-creating for Owning Pink. When I look at my list, it can be quite daunting. Chances are, if I expect to accomplish everything on my to-do list daily, I will fail, and then I will feel crappy about failing. I’ll bet most of you are nodding your heads right about now. You’re thinking of your own to-do lists and feeling overwhelmed. We all try to accomplish so much that we forget the ultimate goal- happiness and inner peace.

You’re Not Superhuman
One way I’ve learned to bring inner peace to my life is to recognize that I can’t possibly be Superwoman. I am flawed. I am human. If I expect to check off everything on my daily list, I will always let myself down. Who wants to feel like a failure every day? So I opt not to let that happen. Instead, when I think about my upcoming day, I consciously choose what I will let slide. Today is Monday and I spent all weekend with my family, so I will probably put my nose to the grindstone and neglect my daughter a bit. I will eat left-overs so I don’t have to cook. I will probably skip meditating (sadly, it’s too often the first one to go). Today, I will focus on writing my book today. I will try to go for a hike because I skipped it the last two days so I could spend time with my family. My husband and I have a sex date tonight, so I will stop work early enough to be present for him.

Be Mindful About What You Won’t Accomplish Today
This way, at the end of the day, I have been mindful of what gets done and what doesn’t. Instead of kicking myself for not checking off everything on my list, I will pat myself on the back for doing the things I chose to do. I will celebrate being good enough, even though I let some things slide. I will honor myself for a job well done. I will remember that inner peace is more important than to-do lists and accomplishments.

What about you? Are you ready to give yourself a break? Okay. Get ready for today’s Mojo Monday exercise.

Give Your To-Do List (and Yourself) A Break
1. Make a list of all the things you plan to accomplish for each day of this week. Label them Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc.
2. Review your list and determine whether there’s any chance you’ll actually accomplish everything on your list. Really. Can you do it all?
3. Sort through every day’s list and decide what you will let slide. Try not to let the same thing slide every day. (I know. I know. I’ve gotta start meditating). Be mindful of how you give yourself permission to be human. Decide what you most want to accomplish and put stars by those items. Now cross out as many of the unstarred items as you possibly can. Commit to putting your full attention towards those items you’ve deemed most important.
4. Surrender the rest of the things on the list. Let them go. Set the intention of letting them slide. If you find yourself with extra time at the end of the day, you can always add them back on, but then you’ll feel a huge sense of accomplishment, instead of the usual sense of failure.
5. At the end of the day, when you’ve made progress on your starred items, celebrate your success. Reward yourself by massaging your feet with a scented lotion or sitting down with a good book. Honor the good work you have done, reveling in the sense of accomplishment you feel.

Try this out, Pinkies. I swear it works. It doesn’t mean you’re a slacker. It just means you’re being kind to yourself. You’re giving yourself permission to be human. You’re honoring the hard work you do every day trying to keep life moving. You’re bringing yourself one step closer to inner peace. Be compassionate with yourself. Practice loving-kindness towards YOU.

What will you let slide today?

With love for myself, even when I can’t accomplish everything,
Lissa

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Posted in Mojo Mondays, Owning Balance, Owning Surrender | 9 Comments »

Owning Sexuality: How Bedroom Bliss Translates to Workplace Success

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

couple-in-bed-touching-face

Happy Sunday, Pinkies! Please welcome back my Pink Mommy Trish Rankin, who encourages us to make time for sex as a way to bring more happiness and success into our lives.  How do I feel having my mother write about sex? Uh…we won’t go there (just kidding- we’ve always been open about this stuff).  It’s easy to get so busy we forget that sex is good for us and is part of Owning Pink.

A Healthy Sex life may equate to better pay. No kidding. The Today Show ran a segment about a recent study by Dr. Helen Fisher, who evaluated 40,000 married couples and found that a healthy sex life produced more productive and focused employees. During sex, the body releases oxytocin, which causes a feeling of relaxation. Dopamine and testosterone also rise. These biochemical changes help us sleep better, feel more creative, more focused, more energetic and even more self-confident. Those with higher levels of dopamine and testosterone reported making more money in the workplace. A fulfilling sex life produced more self-reliance, better motivation, more relaxation, and more self-esteem, and these translated to being more productive and less uptight in the workplace. In other words, happiness in the bedroom can lead to greater success in the workplace.

If you have a healthy sex life, it likely means you are communicating well and that will show up in your ability to deal with your co-workers. Walking into the office with those positive feelings is bound to produce a better team player. Ian Kerner, author of Love in the Time of Colic, has translated this study and found that with a healthy sex life, you build endorphins, feel valued and gain confidence.

The reverse has also been found to be true. If you are unhappy in the bedroom, you arrive at work more frustrated, less patient, more unhappy and distracted. You are vulnerable to affairs and infidelities. Also, less sex means a couple is less forgiving of their mates. It has been proven that after a good sexual experience, a couple is more likely to forgive each other and therefore are in better harmony with life in general.

So what can you do about it? Helen Fisher recommends you set sex as a priority-over TV, talking on the phone, or other distractions. As unromantic as it might sound, set a schedule for lovemaking. Communicating your needs and being attentive to the needs of your partner is paramount. Sex is not just for procreation.  It can actually help make you happier at home and at work.

What about you Pinkies? Are your sexual needs being met? Are you meeting your partners needs?  Are you prioritizing sex in your relationship? If things aren’t the way you wish they were, set an intention for how you wish to change your sexual situation. Write it down. Keep it by your bed to remind you what you wish to manifest.

Wishing you sexual bliss and harmony,

Trish

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Posted in Finding Mojo, Owning Sexuality | 15 Comments »

A Pink Weekend: My Date with Mary Kay

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

MaryKay

Hey Pinkies, welcome back to Owning Pink a man who needs no introduction – Pink God Fred Krazeise - telling of his experience last weekend with a group of remarkable women (the story of one in particular may surprise and inspire you). Enjoy – we know we always do. Big love as always to Fred, and to the women he heals.

……………

Last Friday night, I spent 5 hours in a hotel room with more than a dozen of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met and I had the time of my life. My wife wasn’t there, but she knew all about it, and she said she didn’t mind.  She’s very understanding!

Bet you don’t know where I’m going with this do you? Well, let me explain.

I was invited to a meeting of Mary Kay Consultants and Sales Directors. I was asked to speak to this group on various topics of wellness, and provide some hands-on bodywork. Each woman received a 10-15 minute bodywork and aromatherapy treatment, as well as a mini-wellness coaching session. I believe they call this a “spa night,” and I’m told they do this kind of thing routinely. Mary Kay is a company that tries very hard to take care of the people who work for it.

I didn’t know much about Mary Kay before this week, but it is a remarkable story. In 1963, at the age of 45, Mary Kay Ash started the business with $5000 in cash. She had years of experience in direct selling, but was frustrated by consistently being passed over for promotion by lesser qualified men. So, she decided to strike out on her own and nearly 50 years ago she set into motion a company where women could develop their talents and achieve unlimited success. That was a pretty bold move for a woman to take in 1963.

According to Mary Kay herself, “I envisioned a company in which any woman could become just as successful as she wanted to be. The doors would be wide open to opportunity for women who were willing to pay the price and had the courage to dream.”

Over the years, Mary Kay received many honors and awards. In 2004 she was named one of the 25 Most Influential Business Leaders of the Last 25 Years by PBS and the Wharton School of Business. In 2003, she was honored by Baylor University as the Greatest Female Entrepreneur in American History. Her life was chronicled by A&E Television Networks on the Biography Channel, and today Mary Kay, Inc. employs more than 2 million independent sales consultants worldwide with $2.4 billion in annual sales. That’s an incredible accomplishment from such humble beginnings.

As inspiring as the Mary Kay story is, this post is not about her. It’s about the remarkable women I had the privilege of working with last night. It’s their story that inspires me. According to the company website, only 500 women worldwide have become Independent National Sales Directors, the highest status within the independent sales force.  Last night, I met with 6 Independent Sales Directors, and they are a special bunch too. They represent the top 2 percent of Mary Kay.

They ranged in age from their 20’s to their 60’s and they came from many walks of life. Some of the women work for Mary Kay full-time, but I think most worked part-time. There were moms and grandmothers. One woman had her five week old daughter with her. She had a two year old at home with dad, and she loves working for Mary Kay because it allows her to work from home and spend time with her children.  There were several nurses in the group – they spend most of their day on their feet and were especially grateful for the lavender foot massage. There was even a rocket scientist among them (seriously!), who works part-time for Mary Kay because it lets her focus on her “girly side.”

It was interesting to chat with them about their dreams. Some were planning for their retirement or for the next phase of their life. Others just needed the extra income. Many different reasons, but you could tell that Mary Kay gave each of these women a sense of empowerment; a sense that with hard work they had an opportunity to take charge of their destiny. And there was camaraderie among the women that I had not witnessed before in my own corporate experience. These women truly supported each other; they genuinely cared about their welfare and well-being. This wasn’t an act.

So, what did I take away from this evening, my “date” with Mary Kay?

As I listened to their stories, I was reminded of how hard women work. Full-time careers often collide with families. Women don’t consider themselves to be heroes, but every day they perform heroic acts. Women give, give, and give selflessly all the time, putting themselves last after their children and their families. Even during an evening that was supposed to be all about them, a reward for their accomplishments, several of my “clients” received cell phone calls from their families during our session.  Everybody needs mom, even during the time that was supposed to be set aside for her.

Many of these women were not used to being the center of attention, and at least two of them had never received any form of bodywork or massage before. I was honored that I had the opportunity to make each of them the focus of the universe – even if just for a moment.  And the experience reminded me to be thankful for the wonderful women in my life, who have worked so very hard for me – my wife, my mom, and my teachers. Women are the gravitas, the anchor, center and grounding of our lives and we all need to go out of our way to honor them.

I also walked away with a powerful impression about Mary Kay, the company. It’s a company made up of people – women people.  And they have created something that is really different. It’s not so much about the products (although I am sure they are good). It’s about the community.  As Mary Kay herself said, “The success of (Mary Kay Inc.) is much, much deeper than just dollars and cents and buildings and assets. The real success of our company is measured to me in the lives that have been touched and given hope.”

Well Mary Kay, you have done well. I met 12 women last Friday night of whom you would be very proud. They are remarkable, and so are you.

Oh, and I’m not sure, but I think they still can get a pink Cadillac.

pinkcaddie

Still blown away,

fred-107x150Fred

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Posted in Alternative Health, Guest Pinkies, Owning Balance, Owning Health, Owning Motherhood, Owning Your Body, Personal Empowerment | 2 Comments »

Owning Surrender: Going With The Flow

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

The Outer Banks Posse

The Outer Banks Posse

Yet another in a series of posts I wrote while vacationing on the Outer Banks of North Carolina:

Today, I went kayaking for the first time in ages. I absolutely adore kayaking and have such fond memories of kayaking with Dad that it always makes me happy.  Dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when he was in his thirties, so he couldn’t keep up with the rest of us when we skied, hiked, or danced.  But in a kayak, Dad could out-row all of us, gliding along the water like a duck in heaven.  Whenever we vacationed, my family would kayak, because we loved it, and because Dad could do it with us.

But having a three year old daughter has kept me from kayaking recently.  The last time I kayaked, I was twenty-three weeks pregnant in Mendocino. So getting into a kayak today for the first time in four years gave me a major shot of mojo. I was grinning from ear to ear.  It’s been so long that I kinda forgot how to kayak.  You’d think it would be like riding a bicycle, but I guess not, because I found myself struggling, dripping water all over myself, paddling in circles, and getting stuck in the reedy bank.

Don’t Try So Hard
My hunky guide with the rock hard abs and  ripped chest said, “Lissa, you’re putting too much effort into it.  Release your grasp on the paddle and don’t try so hard. You’re digging too deep, paddling too hard, flinging that paddle all over the place.”  Easy for him to say! If I had muscles like him, I could glide like a bird too.  But I was sweating already and we’d barely just begun, so I figured I’d listen to his advice.

He went on, “When you’re kayaking, you don’t need to put much effort into it at all. Just put your oar gently into the water, keep it pretty shallow, and let your oar glide through the water, just like this.” He demonstrated with a graceful, easy stroke that jetted him forward.

Less Efforting= More Forward Motion

So I channeled my inner Pocahontas and imitated his stroke. And damn if the hunky guide wasn’t right.  When I efforted less and let my oar glide gently through the water, I moved forward more quickly, and it didn’t hurt my muscles nearly as much.  Before you knew it, I got my rowing mojo back and was drifting effortlessly down the river, having a good ol’ time and thinking of Dad.kayak lissa sm

Rowing silently on the peaceful, still river got me thinking about what my guide said. Isn’t life just like that? Isn’t it true that we sometimes put so much energy into efforting that we fail to achieve the ultimate goal?  But when you surrender to the flow of life’s river and stop trying so hard, your goal rises up to meet you.  I think of my infertile friend who struggled and efforted, trying to get pregnant, one in vitro cycle after another. When she and her husband finally gave up and signed the adoption papers, they conceived on their own.  Or my friend who was so desperate to find the right guy that she signed up for every online dating site, suffered through blind dates every chance she got, and put an ad in the personals.  Then when she finally gave up and decided she was swearing off dates forever, the perfect guy walked right into her life.  Or my unemployed friend who sent out a gazillion resumes, tortured herself with a series of painful interviews, and suffered rejection after rejection.  Then, when she finally surrendered and decided she would embrace the opportunity to just enjoy time off, a flood of job offers rolled in.  Have you noticed the same thing?

Letting Go of My Book

I’ve recently surrendered the publication of my second book.  My first book sold right away- no problem. But not my second one.  I finished writing it a year ago, and my literary agent has spent the whole year working her ass off to try to sell it to a publishing company.  It’s gone to the top of pub boards (the meetings where all the shirts sit around and decide whether or not they’re going to publish your book) a maddening number of times. Editor after editor has read my manuscript, fallen in love with it, and championed its publication to all the higher ups who fork over the cash and buy the book.  Then someone at the top nixes it because I don’t fit neatly into anyone’s box. The book is a memoir about my life. It’s part doctor memoir, part spiritual journey, part girlfriend’s guide.  But it doesn’t fit neatly into any one box.

So the marketing gurus don’t know how to sell it.  They want me to put on my white coat, get up in my ivory tower, and act more like a doctor. But that’s not what my book is about, and it’s not who I am, so I don’t want to compromise what this book is.  It’s been exceedingly frustrating because I believe (and my agent agrees) that the fact that my book doesn’t fit in a box is what makes it great.

But it’s been a year, and my agent can’t find a publisher. So what did I do? I finally surrendered it to Universe.

Why Question The Universe’s Plan?

Maybe there’s a really good reason why my book is best left unpublished.  Who am I to question the Universe and its destiny for me? So instead, I launched Owning Pink.  I figure, if I can’t get my message across through that book, I won’t let it stop me from getting my message to you Pinkies.  Since I stopped efforting, all kinds of beautiful things have been happening in my life, flowing in effortlessly.  The more I go with the flow and quit struggling to make something happen, the more I attract magic, mystery, and mojo.

How ‘bout you, Pinkies?  How are you expending too much energy, sweating and paddling and spinning in circles?  Would you be willing to stop efforting and just surrender? Could you believe that if something isn’t happening, it’s because it’s either not supposed to or because you’re struggling too much and just need to release your death grip on whatever you’re trying to achieve?  What if you just let it go- releasing it to the Universe and trusting that what is meant to happen will happen?  What do you think?  Are you up for the challenge?

What do you need to let go of? Can you do it? You just might be surprised how good it feels when you surrender to faith and trust in JABA (Jesus/Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Athena, etc).  Let it go, Pinkies, and just go with the flow…

Floating (almost) effortlessly with the flow,
Lissa

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Posted in Finding Mojo, Lissa's personal yada yada yada, Owning Surrender | 12 Comments »

PMS & PMDD: A Gyno-Spiritual Look At The Goddess Within

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

Yoni Prayer, by Heidi Richardson Evans

Yoni Prayer, by Heidi Richardson Evans

Hiya, Pinkies! It’s Healthy Thursday, so for today’s post, I’m going to answer a question that one Pinkie submitted about PMS. Let’s rock this joint and Own our Bodies, our Health, and our Femininity.

I’m a sufferer of severe PMS (my doctor calls it PMDD), and girl: SUFFER is the word. The whole issue is a stew of contradictory thoughts & worries for me. It mucks up my mojo worrying about how Goddess-dissing it seems that I have such problems surrounding my cycle. My condition is totally screwing up my relationship.  I’m confused about treatment & what it all means, gyno-spiritually, if you will.  I didn’t seem fair that I should have to endure this, all because Eve ate that damn apple.

I hear you, sister. Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or it’s evil stepsister, the more severe premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), can rob even Pink Goddesses of their mojo for those few days before the menstrual cycle begins.  You may feel like you’re rockin’ in love, joy, and acceptance 24 days out of the cycle, but the 4 days before your period you turn into a raging lunatic. If you feel this way, you’re so not alone.

Most women experience symptoms of PMS from time to time- mood swings, chocolate cravings, bloating, irritability.  But the more serious PMDD can seriously affect your quality of life. Makes it hard to Own Femininity, eh? It’s enough to make a Goddess like yourself resent being born female.  So what can you do?

Natural Tips For Minimizing PMS Symptoms

1.   Eat a whole foods diet. You’ve heard it before, but it really does help. That means cutting back on sugar, refined carbohydrates, dairy, caffeine, processed foods, and saturated and hydrogenated (trans) fats, and instead adding fruits, veggies, and whole grains, especially during the luteal phase (second half) of your cycle. Sorry, but that means bye-bye chocolate.

2.   Increase essential fatty acids by eating nuts, seeds, and fish.

3.   Manage your stress effectively. Try yoga, meditation, massage, or guided imagery CD’s.

4.   Engage in regular aerobic exercise. A good, long hike helps regulate your hormones and your stress, and it builds up happy-making endorphins.

5.   Take a multivitamin and 1200mg of calcium/day.

6.   Talk to an integrative medicine doctor about how to use supplements to help your PMS symptoms. Alternative medicine therapies like acupuncture and Reiki can also help.

Criteria For PMDD

To meet criteria for this diagnosis, you must experience five or more of the following symptoms during most of the week before your menses, and they must interfere significantly with your daily life and relationships. At least one of the first four symptoms must be present.

1.     Significantly depressed mood, hopelessness, self-deprecating thoughts

2.     Significant anxiety, tension, feeling irritable, uptight.

3.     Sudden mood changes of sadness, weepiness, or easily feeling rejected

4.     Anger or irritability or increased conflict with others

5.     Lack of motivation for usual activities

6.     Difficulty concentrating

7.     Lethargy, easily fatigued, low energy

8.     Changes in appetite, overeating, food cravings

9.     Sleeping too much or insomnia

10.  Overwhelmed, feeling out of control

11.   Additional physical symptoms, such as breast tenderness, swelling, headaches, join or muscle pain, bloating, weight gain

You Can’t Always Be Superwoman

Some theorize that PMS/PMDD is nature’s way of making you slow down and take stock of your life. You can’t be Superwoman all the time, and maybe your body is telling you it’s chick-flick night, and you need some personal, quiet time. In general, gynecological issues stem from the second chakra. When our bodies struggle with second chakra issues, it’s an invitation to explore what might underlie the outward symptoms of PMS/PMDD.

The Gyno-Spiritual Side of PMS

From a gyno-spiritual perspective, this may mean that the spiritual challenge you face is learning to interact consciously to form unions with others who support your personal path of awakening. Sometimes, this means releasing relationships that cripple your growth.

The energy in the second chakra enables us to cleave from the tribe (as represented by the first chakra), develop a sense of personal identity, and establish boundaries. In our second chakra, we also deal with issues such as sex, money, power, relationships, and addictive substances. It’s also the center for creation. The energy of the second chakra gives us the power of choice. When we feel our choices are taken from us, we may manifest this in the form of gynecological troubles.

As for Goddess-dissing, climb on into the Red Tent with us and vent away, if need be. Nothing wrong with telling your truth, the way you see it. We Goddesses can handle it.

A Few Words About EveEveAppleSerpent

Mojo Mentor & biblical scholar Alice Langholt shares a few thoughts about Eve.  ”Eve’s foray with the forbidden fruit had more to do with her independent spirit, intense curiosity, and well…a good dose of pink mojo spunkiness than something sinful or shameful. I don’t consider PMS/ PMDD a punishment for the biblical woman’s independent streak. In fact, most biblical women had minds of their own and took charge of their situations when they felt the need. Women in the bible are strong, independent, and made decisions regardless of rules or expectations of subservience.  So don’t go blaming Eve – in fact, let her be a positive example to you that you can take charge of your situation and change it. You have the power.”

Just Slow Down

I could wax on gyno-spiritually- and we can talk more about this sometime- but let me bring it back home for a minute. If second chakra mumbo jumbo is too woo woo for you, think of it this way. Perhaps PMS is simply your body’s way of asking you to slow down. What if you take this time to listen to your body, write in your journal, and reflect? What would that feel like? Is there something else going on in your life that might need to be addressed? Do you really hate the direction your life is taking? Are you unhappy in a relationship? Do you have some things in your past you might need to address with a therapist? Are you not living authentically? Our bodies are often the mirrors of our souls and psyches, so take stock, and make sure you’re not ignoring some glaring issue in your life.

Treatment Options For The Goddess With PMDD

If you’ve checked deeper and all is well, don’t despair. Apologize to your friends and family for chewing their heads off, but blame your hormones. If you’ve tried everything natural and nothing helps, talk to your doctor about a trial of continuous birth control pills. By taking the Pill every day and skipping your cycle, you can often eliminate PMS symptoms altogether. Talk to your doctor about how bioidentical hormones or birth control pills can help. If you have PMDD, you can blame your brain chemistry. If the serotonin levels in your brain are low, you may benefit from supplements that naturally build up your serotonin levels, such as 5-HTP or tryptophan. As reluctant as I am to throw Prozac at people, if you’re really suffering, you may even benefit from a trial of an anti-depressant, either daily or during the last two weeks of your cycle. You don’t have to be a complete mess before your period. Take charge of your life and your health, and help your body help you by treating it like the temple it is.

Wishing you premenstrual bliss (or at least acceptance of what is),

Dr. Lissa

*Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend will be published Fall 2010 by St. Martin’s Press.

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Posted in Alternative Health, Finding Mojo, Healthy Thursday, Owning Health, Owning Your Body | 26 Comments »

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