Jacqueline Chan and me dancing our desires

When my partner at CLEAR Center of Health, Dr. Jacqueline Chan, asked me if I wanted to go to a Journey Dance class with her, I couldn’t resist. I had no idea what Journey Dance was, but it sounded appealing, I love Jacqueline, and it’s been way too long since I’ve taken a dance class.

Toni Bergins, our teacher and the founder of Journey Dance, taught a small class in Petaluma before heading down to Esalen Institute to lead a workshop. As a classically trained ballerina who used to dance in a ballet company, I always find myself a bit reticent when it comes to woo woo dance classes. Most dance classes I’ve taken are either rigidly structured (ballet) or completely free form (most dance classes I’ve taken at Esalen). Usually, my inner critic gets way too loud when I'm prancing around free style with no grande plie, paux de bourree action to ground me.

Let Yourself Go

But Toni’s class was a perfect mix of gentle structure and an invitation to experience free form expression. She guided us on a dance through the charkas, starting at our root chakra and working our way up. Then we leaped and galloped and swirled around the dance floor as the music swelled. At one point, she invited us to dance out our frustrations while throwing ourselves into the dance and grunting. For another dance, we embodied our inner Kali, the warrior goddess who embodies both the creative and destructive aspects of our nature. We got down deep into our skin and OWNED our bodies.

As the class progressed, the music, DJ’ed by DJ Root of Groove Paradise, grew progressively more expansive until I found myself, head thrown back, eyes closed, opening my heart to the energy within the room and the love within my heart. The warm, radiant glow within the room grew more palpable with each dance until we were all one throbbing, beating, pulsing breathe, connecting to the Oneness of the tribe we became.

Feel Your Desire

Toni piled an array of colorful silk scarves in the center of the room and invited us to articulate our DESIRE. Letting the scarves represent desire, we chose a scarf- or two- trading them out if we realized we had a deeper desire that another scarf might represent. We allowed these scarves to entwine us, as we danced our desire. What came to me, as I danced this section, is that I have everything I desire right this very minute. I just lack the resources to sustain it unless something changes. So I desire the ability to sustain the exact life I’m living right now. All I need is a little help paying the bills.

But the longer I danced, the more I started finding myself drawn to another scarf in the center, a bright orange scarf that called out to me. What did it have to tell me? Uncertain, I danced. And the scarf spoke, telling me I wanted to open a retreat center for women some day. I’ve never in my life thought this before. But when the thought came to me, my heart sang. Wow. Who knew dance could be so powerful? Certainly a far cry from the pirouette.

Dance From The Heart

Towards the end, we chose scarves to represent our hearts, and we danced with our hearts, holding them close, offering them up to the Universe, however we felt called to interact with our hearts. In the beginning, I became so enmeshed in dancing with my heart that I didn’t notice anyone else in the room. But at one point, I stood back to take it in and witnessed a room full of people loving their hearts. It was extraordinarily beautiful.

Too soon, it was time to go, so Jacqueline and I danced our way back home. The whole thing was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It reminded me of the shamanic journey I shared with my husband on our wedding day. I felt the same heart connection and profound opening both times, only this time I got to dance. It reminded me how much I love dancing and how much I want to reintroduce it into my life.

For years, I danced with my ex-husband. We were the youngest people in ballroom dancing class at 23 years old, and by the time we broke up, we were damn good. After that, I made every boyfriend learn how to dance with me, torturing them with dance lessons and refusing to let them lead. It was ugly. My current husband put his foot down and said NO. The whole dancing with my boyfriends thing hadn’t worked out so well and he just wasn’t gonna do it, by golly.

I Can Dance Just For Me

But during my Journey Dance, I realized I don’t need Matt to dance with me. I just need to dance. Why do I look to him for what I need? Why can’t I just dance with Jacqueline or Joy or by myself? So I’m inspired. I need look no further than myself to fill this void in my life.

What about you Pinkies? What void do you dwell on? How might you OWN what you yearn for and take responsibility for allowing it to happen, without relying on anyone but you and God?

Dancing my journey,
Lissa

PS. If you live in the Bay area, you might see me at Kiera Einhorn's Journey Dance class at Yoga Source In San Rafael on Thursday nights. Kiera is one of Toni's students and a lovely soul.