Chaos
All Tempest
Has
Like a navel
A hole in its middle
Through which a gull may fly
In silence.
– Harold Witter Bynner
Last week, I met with a group of doctors who gather monthly to find meaning in medicine. Each time, we choose a different topic. This week’s topic was “Chaos.” I expected our discussion would float around to the chaos within our medical system. But that’s not what we talked about. Instead, we talked about the gift of chaos- the unexpected and mysterious ways that chaos leads to transformation.
The Semblance of Control
It inspired me to reflect upon how chaos has affected my own life. As doctors, we are trained to always maintain order. Even in a busy emergency room, we try to create order. As doctors, we are foul-weather friends. When the shit hits the fan, we are all over it. We tend to bring this desire for order into our personal lives. We get so busy trying to control the Universe that it sometimes skips our notice that the Universe doesn’t need us to be in charge.
Chaos reminds us of this. When all hell breaks loose, we realize that we are not in control, but that doesn’t mean life doesn’t have its own magical sense of order. Even the most chaotic event, when viewed in retrospect, may become orderly. Above all else, chaos is a fertile place. Just like my messy, waxy, disorganized art studio inspires me to to create, chaos in our lives inspires creativity too. Suddenly, in the midst of loss, change, and disorder, we discover new ways of thinking and we see life with fresh eyes.
During a period of profound chaos in my life, I came to question everything I once held as true. Friendships changed. I quit my job. I moved away from the city I had always considered home. And I had to forge a whole new identity. Chaos shook me up so much that I no longer recognized my life. On one hand, I felt completely rootless, confused, befuddled, and disorderly. On the other hand, I felt profoundly liberated. With no order to cling to, I was free to do anything, to be anyone.
The Majesty of Chaos
In my life, chaos has always been a necessary part of evolution. We never plan it. Instead, we blunder into it. Chaos in and of itself is nothing to fear. It seems to me that our resistance to the loss of order is where the pain comes in. What if, instead of fearing and resisting chaos, we view chaos with a sense of awe, knowing that the systems that have held life in order have collapsed and are begging for change? What might that feel like?
As I write this post, life outdoors has been a little chaotic. It’s been pouring rain all day long as I sit here at Owning Pink headquarters with Joy at my side. The rain has been pounding against the windows, and we’ve been wondering if the rain will ever stop. Then just as I was writing, I peeked out my window and noticed that the rain began to slow down and a beam of sun was peeking through the clouds. Moments later, a radiant rainbow appeared, spanning from one side of the green earth to the other in a brilliant arc of color. After a bit, the rainbow faded, leaving as quickly as it appeared. A few minutes after that, the rain stopped and the sun came out.
I think it’s a Sign from the Universe for all of us. Even when it’s pouring rain in our lives, there is a divine order to the chaos, and we don’t need to control it or even understand it. It’s enough just to sit back in wonder and awe.
Can You Surrender to Chaos?
How has chaos affected you, Pinkies? Have you gotten divorced, lost your job, said goodbye to a loved one, found yourself with an empty nest, been mired in an out-of-control work project, been caught up in family drama, suffered from someone else’s cruelty, or otherwise been thrown into chaos? Of course you have. We all have. Chaos is simply part of living.
Why do we crave order so much? Is it because order means predictability, which means safety? Is our greatest fear that there is no order, that life is truly random? How much as we willing to sacrifice in order to wrangle order into our lives? Must we always fight chaos? Would it be possible to simply surrender into chaos?
I believe that chaos is necessary to growth- to vibrant, colorful, radiant, sparkly life. Chaos is the antidote to stagnation. All we have to do is sit back and marvel.
Knowing there is gold at the end of the rainbow,
Lissa
Tags: chaos, divine order, doctor, fertile, harold witter bynner, inspiration, motivation, out of control, perspective, rain, rainbow, rainbows, sign, silence, storm, storm clouds, surrendering to chaos, tempest, universe
In the chaos I find comedy, humor in the havoc, funny in the frustrations!
You can certainly guarantee that the chaos is never boring!
I think as humans we like to feel in control, because when we’re in chaos, we realize that we really aren’t in control, by the very nature of being spiritual beings, we can’t be in control. And, that scares us and brings us face to face with our biggest fears.
Of course if we can let fear walk beside us and use chaos for its creative powers, then we’re onto some powerful living.
Paula, I think you nailed it. We simply aren’t in control, and yet we’re so addicted to the illusion of control that we cling to it, desperate for any proof that our greatest fear isn’t true. The sooner we come to realize this simple fact- that it’s simply out of our hands- the sooner we will achieve my definition of success- INNER PEACE.
And then there’s the intensity of chaos – the extremes of emotion that follow, and the anxiety of uncertainty. We who crave order strive to plan and find it fruitless. So we wait for the dust to settle, and thankfully, it does, eventually.
Thank you for pointing out that there is beauty in chaos. Very thoughtful point, Lissa! xoxo
Just today, I was reminded once again about the beauty in chaos. The week’s storms closed my favorite trail in Muir Woods. And I am a creature of habit- I KNOW that trail. It’s orderly for me. But today, with barricades up to keep me from traipsing along the same old trail, I had to forge a new path. And oh, my, was it lovely!
Yes, beauty in chaos is always there…Thank you Alice!
Nice post. About eight years ago I was faced with some crisis I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Coming out it, the biggest lesson I eventually learned was to surrender to the chaos or fears and know that if you BELIEVE it will all work out, it will…but to leave the power of that to the universe. Something good ALWAYS comes from a crisis if we are open to letting “the moment” teach and guide us in stead of trying to control it.
Yes, Lisa. So true. Ironically, there is always a certain order to the chaos, but it’s simply not something we can control. I’m so happy you made it through the chaos with the wisdom of experience and the blessings of the Universe.