Hey Pinksters. Joy here. Last weekend I attended a retreat that ignited in me some serious, action-spawning revelations. I will write more about the experience itself when I’ve had a chance to wrap my heart around it; however, one of the biggest understandings to emerge was the profound need for me to connect with creativity in a way that is deep, fierce, and full – in a way that connects me directly to source and invites through all that needs to be expressed in a way that only I can express it.

Not accidentally, the workshop leader was poet/philosopher David Whyte, who framed his talks and exercises with exquisite, impossibly delicious pieces of verse – both his and others. It would make sense, then, that when I answered the call to create, such creation would start to dribble out of me in stanza format.

So here, in the safe, non-judging embrace of you Pinkies, I am going to put forth some thoughts on a topic for which I’ve been trying to find words for a while. The message I’ve been struggling to convey came through almost effortlessly in the form of a poem (or what looks like one, anyway).

Thank you as always for holding the space and bearing witness to the infancy of … whatever this becomes. And here we go.

Ungracious grace

I don’t want to feel better
I don’t need a cheerleader
Or a pep talk, someone to
Say I’m none of the ways I think I am
Or all of the ways I think I’m not
I don’t need you to hurrah me onward
Make me larger than
The whisper of life at the moment
Encourage or murmur
That really it is all okay
Because it’s not and
THAT’S OKAY.
I’ll heal by not healing
Find friendship in myself
The strength comes through the living
Not being caught mid-fall in pillows and fed
Tea and comfort cakes.

Oh, some day I’ll need you.
Don’t go far please.
Keep needing me for the time
Even if I shut you out in pursuit of my own
Pure
Aliveness.
Stay close at hand and know
That all these words
Will be swept away and irrelevant
As a cockle fragment in a tide
As soon as I will take the
Next breath or
Wake up new.
Save your encouragement
Until I ask for it. Until
I approach, arms outstretched
Pleading wordlessly to be held
Coddled
Bathed in the kindness that
I know has always been there.



As it stands
Know that when I cry
My soul work’s being done
The spirits within
Rolling rocks down hills and
Aiming slingshots at translucent
Blue
Bubbles
Of energy
Smashing that which they know
No longer serves me
I can’t remain stoic
In the face of that and I know
- I know -
They will begin to build
Something new
When the rubble’s cleared and
Unless you have a soul backhoe
You’re not needed for cleanup.
Take a break
Have a beer
Feet up, reclined,
Watch me do my dance
Feast with your eyes
Feel free
Help yourself
Bear witness but
Don’t take part
When I fall apart. Please

Wait
To hear
From me.