Owning Pink Bloggers

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Creating and Procreating: Owning What Wants to be Born

Lissa Rankin's picture



I’ve been thinking about having another baby for four years now. Because I was the ripe old age of 36 when my daughter Siena was born, we started talking about it right away. In fact, my husband and I were so certain we were meant to have at least one more baby that I took my IUD out when Siena was eight months old and we were all ready to go at it again.

Then my stay-home Daddy husband cut two fingers off his left hand with a table saw and all hell broke loose. So we tabled the idea for at least a year, because Matt had pins in his hand from 8 hours of surgery and couldn’t even a change a diaper. Then he had to get two more surgeries. Then we were switching health insurance plans, so I couldn’t get pregnant. It was literally one thing after another.

But I’ve finally come to a certain peace about the fact that I don’t think I will be having another child (sniff, dab). Now, I’m almost 41 and it just seems like the time has passed, and I’m okay with that. But there’s this little pang when I think about it. It’s almost enough to make me rethink my decision to put my IUD back in…but not quite. Recently, I was talking to Pink Goddess Dana- who has been volunteering her time to Owning Pink to help us turn it into a Pink Business (more on that soon, Pinkies!), and I realized that I’ve been gestating and giving birth for over four years now- and I’m a little tired. In the past four years, I've been busy giving birth to ME.

How it all came to pass

It all started January 6, 2006, when Siena was born. By the spring of that year, the idea that I might leave my job as a full-time OB/GYN was planted, and by later that year, I had taken a Pleap (Pink leap of faith) by quitting my job. I spent most of 2007 gestating what a truly whole health medical practice could look like and dreaming about being of service in a whole new way. That same year, I wrote a memoir. In 2008, I joined an integrative health practice and nurtured the little seed in me until it blossomed. In 2008, I grew Owning Pink in my belly and gave birth to it in April 2009. In December 2009, I gave birth to two more books. Now, I’m about to do it all again by starting the Owning Pink Wellness Center in April 2010. And then, I’ll write my next book.

What wants to come through?

Which leaves me with little time or energy for allowing a baby spirit to grow into a human being inside my womb. With this realization comes more than a wee bit of angst. Am I being selfish for denying my daughter the opportunity to have a sibling? Have I become a work-aholic with no balance in life? Am I expending my creative energy wisely or might I be better off slowing down and growing my family?

To be honest, I just don’t know. All I know is that the urge to create businesses and books seems to be stronger for me than the urge to procreate. And since I already feel torn between my commitment to serving my patients and Owning Pink and my commitment to motherhood, my inclination is to protect myself from feeling torn even further. Why create more conflict for myself?

Priorities?

Some might judge this as un-feminine. They might think I’m a bad mama or that my priorities are not straight. And they’re welcome to their opinion. But me? I’ve just gotta OWN it. It is what it is. That’s how I feel, that God is using me as a vessel to give birth to other creations, that every book, every blog post, every workshop, every patient encounter is a co-creation between the two of us, that I am becoming a mother over and over again, every time I tap into the divine spark and create something new.

And yet it doesn’t look how others expect it to look. I’m not feeding new blonde beings into the Mill Valley preschool system. I’m not buying new Pink clothes for a sister for Siena. I’m not sitting in the stirrups pushing a baby out into this world. But damn, it sure feels like I am. I feel like I mother at least a dozen new creations right now. Which leaves me feeling like I don’t need to get pregnant again to serve my life’s purpose.

Opinions

Believe me- others feel differently. My mother would love to have another grandchild. Siena’s preschool teacher would love to meet a baby brother. Even some psychic a friend hired to read me said I had two more baby spirits waiting to get born. But I have to be okay with that. I have to live with the uncertainty, the possible regret, the fact that my family doesn’t look exactly the way I imagined it when I was a little girl dreaming of white picket fences.

It all comes down to creation

Creation can get confusing, can’t it Pinkies? There are days when I can’t tell how my creative forces are best expended. Should I dance with the Divine and co-create a new message to share with the world? Should I co-create a new series of art? Should I co-create new writings? Should I co-create another baby? It gets muddy, I’ll admit. I get confused as hell. We all just do the best we can and pray that what we create is done from a place of the highest intentions and the noblest part of our souls. Then we surrender to living in the muck. (A special thank you to Baby Spirit Coach Elisabeth Manning for helping me sort all this out in my mind!)

What about you Pinkies? Do you ever confuse your creative energy? Can you tell what you’re supposed to create next? Do you think giving birth to babies in any way resembles giving birth to businesses, art, writing, or other creative projects? Am I totally off my rocker here?

Let’s talk about this. I honestly think it’s such rich, juicy stuff. Giving birth is so inherently what we as females are all about that it nearly defines us. Yet, can’t we expand our concept of what it means to bring life into the world? How many creations have you squelched to give birth to babies? How many babies have you neglected to have because you were busy in business? Are you so busy serving your community, your family, or your job that you’ve forgotten to give birth to YOU?

Dana, I'd love it if you'd explore this conversation in another post- maybe help us talk about sacred commerce, balancing our creations, and bringing Pink into the workplace. And Pinkies- if you have wisdom to share, post comments, write a blog post on the Posse blog, or send something you write to Joy@OwningPink.com. I'd love hear more about what you all think...

Let’s talk, dear ones….

Creating & creating & creating,

Lissa

Comments

Lissa Rankin's picture

(((((((((((Elisabeth)))))))))

(((((((((((Elisabeth))))))))))))))) ((((((((((Dana)))))))))))))) ((((((((((((Sue))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((Eileen))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((((PInkies))))))))))))))))))))))))

Elisabeth Manning's picture

Sue, that is amazing about

Sue, that is amazing about your daughter, thank you so much for sharing this. In meditation we can go into a high vibration and end up feeling clear, like we are looking at an eagle eye view of our life to see what we agreed to learning in the first place, and seeing wow, I am not doing so bad afterall and my purpose is STILL in place, just not what I thought it should be. This is go important for all of us to remember, to let go of what we think it should look like. I always joke "You may be praying for a tricycle when God wants to give you a Mercedes!" So letting go of the tricycle can be tricky. =) Much love to you Sue, sounds like you are doing oh so well...blessings!

Dana Theus's picture

Elisabeth Godbumps here too.

Elisabeth

Godbumps here too. Thank you so much for joining us

And Sue, your story gave me chills too. I am SO glad you shared it with us. Your little girl is symbol and substance of your (and your husband's) creative force and that heaps yet more blessings on her (if that's possible).

Love, Light and Blessings, Dana

Elisabeth Manning's picture

I only have gotten to a place

I only have gotten to a place where I have OWNED CREATION WITHIN, I suppose, and still get to discover more in this glorious ever expanding process. Did you know? It is Quantum physics that the universe literally expands AS our consciousness expands, not the other way around? And with the advent of the internet literally we are networking information (expanding ourselves) literally thousands of times faster than ever before possible. Now we get to merge that with indigenous wisdom where they could telepathically communicate and tap into universal wisdom to simply know things. This is where we come in, to merge BOTH...

I love the times we are in! I LOVE this fertile PINK-ness we all are!

Lissa, I love the soil you cultivate for all of us to thrive...shine..and expand... into the creators we are...I love YOU, but more than that I See You.

Eileen Smith's picture

Yes. That is a wise, wise

Yes. That is a wise, wise woman. Great post Elisabeth

Lissa Rankin's picture

Oh, Elisabeth- Thank you for

Oh, Elisabeth- Thank you for chiming in with such spot-on wisdom. See why I want her to do a creation workshop for us, Pinkies? Oh yeah- you all must know Elisabeth.

But more on that soon. The time has come.... Am I gushing? It's because you Pinkies have no idea how much this woman embodies love and life force. I just want all of you to be held in her loving, powerful embrace. I love you Elisabeth!

Elisabeth Manning's picture

Oh ladies, I was teaching a

Oh ladies, I was teaching a daylong class on this very subject yesterday (so couldn't post earlier, I am so sorry) but I am just full of Godbumps (That was lovingly for you Dana!)

I cannot begin to tell you the swell of love and appreciation I feel for each open heart in this forum sharing their experience, strength and hope with her Pink family. Lissa, Dana, Sue (so glad you are here with us!) and others, I am overwhelmed by the love I had no idea was waiting for ME, here, my new Pink "home." This will be what I get to OWN, and powerfully, so thank YOU. I cannot wait to see what we can create together...

I find my own heart already knowing you, yet longing to connect to each and every one of you individually to hold your heart and tell you 'it is all so perfect; our stories, our journeys, our outcomes, and there is and never was anything "wrong"'. Never. All is perfect where we are, we are enough now, in this moment, and exactly where we are supposed to be...

The way I see it? When we get down to it, we came to this "earth school" to:

1) live the illusion of separation so we can find our way back to the truth that there is no separation (like drops of water we are, then to drop yourself into the ocean, what are you then? Individual unique expressions of the One, so celebrating and loving the unique chemical combination of YOU as creator, as aspect of creator, is of utmost importance!)

2)To learn to create and see our creations manifest into physical form. This is what many of us are powerfully discovering n the Law of Attraction, etc but in my book it is imperative we learn how to connect with Source to do this with integrity/ethic and for the highest good)

3)Along the way we make agreements with other aspects of the One (family, friends, co-workers, strangers whose lives we touch and who touch us) so they can help us take steps. The challenge? So many agreements can appear ugly yet they are our greatest teacher because they help us wake up) Much of our healing is to overcome this, and discern our 'stuff' from others'.

5) We also have agreements with Creator and ourselves that, if we are not clear on, can forget and "listen" to the outside noise, programs, etc thinking it is our own. This is where we get to do the inner work: Who am I? What do I love, how do I find my way back to myself? This is my favorite part when I coach others.

4) to have experiences. Which helps us remember: it is never about right/wrong, good/bad (3rd chakra) it is only about "which experience do I want to have?"

When we are clear that we want to experience ourselves AS CREATOR this definitely is a step in the right direction. Problem I see is, we are limiting ourselves wayyyy too much. Creator at its very essence is LIMITLESS, therefore the first step is to get out of our own way and touch in with that. Meditations to run the limiting pictures and give you an experience of what it feels like to be limitless can begin powerfully here. I believe we get into trouble when we are missing out on seeing the beauty and respect for ourselves as powerful creators. That can be easily taken for granted. Then when something shows up that we "didn't want" we fall victim to the illusion that we are victims "I didn't ask for that" (but ahhh, if we take on the idea that we attract everything that happens to us-- then at some level you did-- so let us find that thread to get your power back!), when in reality we are just unconsciously creating. NO need for guilt, blame, that is a waste of precious energy. Just OWN it...

So yes, much unwinding to do if we are to get "right" with our creations. It is all about releasing that which is NOT us, that limits us. These can be very very deep, but I see it loosen and fall away all the time at the energetic level (much more accelerated and we do not have to re-enact our drama to overcome it-otherwise I never would have gotten this far!)

Misunderstood/misaligned creation energy often shows up energetically in a distorted second and fifth chakras. More on this later, as I really can't stop myself from this subject! It is my life's work to understand creation and manifestation and there is SO much richness to be explored and discovered ladies.

The fact that I choose not to have children at 40 is also a part of my story. I made a very conscious choice to give birth to ideas, and to be a midwife for others creations and births in this world. Once I foudn the core of myself as creator, and my 'Primary Postulate' (life purpose) to "Be in service to the Highest Good: To bring light to the world and positively affect others that we all may be elevated into the greater human potential", I can DO ANYTHING with this. It was then, I got scared, because I actually saw how big that was. =) That is a healthy fear and I have since seen how my creations were leading me to more and yet more creations. Now I am creating a television show --who knew??? But am I scared now? Not a bit. I am a vibrational match to my creations now. It is as though, "of course, why NOT?" is now a fun playmate of mine!

To ALL our amazing, beautiful creations in this amazing and beautiful world...I have sooo much gratitude for all of you.

Lissa Rankin's picture

OMG, Sue...You just moved me

OMG, Sue...You just moved me to tears. FAITH will find her home and you will meet your daughter. What a beautiful blessing. Wow. I am so very truly happy for you.

How wonderful that you were able to bring your gifts to the Team Northrup retreat. I'm sure you weren't the only one moved to action to bring forth what you are creating in the world. I wish you were here this weekend with us as the Owning Pink team descends upon my home for the Owning Pink intention-setting ceremony we are planning to help guide us (Danielle Vieth will be among us!)

How lucky all those people were to be guided by you- and how blessed we are to have you here.

Holding this sacred intention here with you, Lissa

Sue Dumais's picture

I need to share with you the

I need to share with you the impact this conversation has had in my life this week.

I had the privilege of teaching my Fire Yoga class last weekend at the Team Northrup retreat and was honored to have Dr Christiane Northrup and her daughter Kate in my class as we ignited our fertile energy to give birth to our intentions, ideas and/or for a child (for those who were open).

Everyone had their own intention as we joined together to raise our energetic vibration to create and manifest our dreams. Normally I would have chosen something specific but my heart was wide open to whatever creation the universe wanted to come through me.

Since I returned home and after receiving all the beautiful comments of this blog (thanks Danielle Vieth for bringing it to my attention) I have given birth to a dream that I was holding in my heart for years now. I have taken the leap of FAITH and my husband and I have started the adoption process to bring my daughter home from Africa. I just blogged about it and I am announcing it to the world in every way I can! I know the universe is working with me as I take this new loving path to bring my daughter home into my arms.

My heart is filled with gratitude and love for each and everyone who has shared. You never really truly know the impact you have on others in the world. I thank you thank you thank you. Namaste, Sue

Kat's picture

What an inspiring

What an inspiring thread!

It's been mentioned before...sometimes we have trouble getting out of our own way. We have our lives mapped out, we focus on the road directly ahead, and very often miss all the beautiful scenery along the way because it might distract us from our mission.

We never know where our creativity will sprout or where our service will make a difference. Keeping ourselves open to the challenge of change is not an easy road. I still need reminders...thanks for the reminder pinkies!

Blessings, Kat

Lynn's picture

This is such a powerful

This is such a powerful message. Thanks so much for continuing to remind women of their worth. Pinkies unite!

Alexis Ahrens's picture

Lissa, thank you so much for

Lissa, thank you so much for your warm welcome and thoughtful reply! I think a webinar with Elizabeth Manning would be fantastic! What fun!

And Sharon, thanks for the wise words. What a nurturing, intelligent and respectful community this is here! I love it! Cheers! Alexis

Dana Theus's picture

Leah That is such beautiful

Leah

That is such beautiful insight. I've spent my business career refining the very process you speak of. The hardest lesson I had to kearn was that sometimes the world (ie, my colleagues) just aren't ready to support what I want to give birth to:) lately that's started to change as I become more attuned to myself and those I work with. I have high hopes for my future creations (including my kids).

Thanks so much for sharing this and helping me see my own path more clearly.

Love, Light and Blessings ~Dana

Leah's picture

This conversation has been

This conversation has been expanding in so many wonderful and amazing ways !

I have to say that I have never had the desire to have children.(I have always known that it was not for me.Part of my defy the box approach I guess.) But I do agree that women are all about creation.

It is the nature of our being and energy.

We are designed to nurture a "seed" and give it all it needs to grow and flourish.

For me these "seeds" have always been ideas. I hold it in my heart and let it sprout and then I plant it out in the world. Sometimes the process is easy....other times it is a struggle. I have learned that when it starts to be a struggle it is an indication that I need to step back and re-evaluate my process.Something has slipped out of alignment and it is like I am grinding the gears in order to force things forward. The struggle usually means I am caught up in some expectations about how it is all supposed to look, or unfold. Time to check myself and tune back into my inspiration and place of alignment.

Dana Theus's picture

Sarah OMG! You're story is so

Sarah OMG! You're story is so beautiful, I have tears in my eyes. You are so right that when we tap into our purpose we shouldn't 'give up' when it doesn't show up the way we expect it to. You have been able to achieve your purpose with far more impact than you ever would have if you had insisted that only your biological children were allowed to receive your love. When we open ourselves to love in any form, we achieve our dream beyond imagining. That you for sharing this truth with us

Eileen - you are sharing the same truth in a different way. By respecting your own path and way of giving to the world, you at peace and thus so much more able to support everyone you touch. Bless you for your strength.

Love to you both ~Dana

Eileen Smith's picture

Lissa, such a blessing that

Lissa, such a blessing that Spirit provided such a wonderful partner!:)

Lissa Rankin's picture

Eileen, I hear you. I'm only

Eileen, I hear you. I'm only able to do what I do because my husband is the full-time Daddy who manages the details so I can follow my calling in the world and spend quality time with my daughter. If I had to also do carpool and gymnastics lessons, I simply wouldn't have the creative energy to do what i do. So I hear you. Sometimes we have to make choices- and find peace with them. I'm so glad you've found yours.

Lissa Rankin's picture

Sarah, this is so beautiful.

Sarah, this is so beautiful. My mother is like you- kids are just always coming into her life- and her maternal energy is expansive enough to contain them all. What you describe is so beautiful- a home so loving others are drawn to it like a magnet. Bless you and all who curl up safe and loved under your wings.

Eileen Smith's picture

Ahh! This is an issue I

Ahh! This is an issue I wrested with and only recently really came to peace with it. Honestly, I could not do all that I do and raise children. I know some women can, but the way my energy stores operate, I can't. If I had nannies and assistants and housekeepers..I could, but I don't have those things at this time. So the choice was, doing this mission I was sent to do here on Earth or raise children. I chose the former. I know there are things that I won't experience that other women do, but I have come to a contentment about it now.

Thanks for bringing this subject up.

Sarah k's picture

Heya Lissa, I have wanted

Heya Lissa,

I have wanted children from the time I was little. When I was in my early 20's I evaluated my life & realized that I would probably never marry & that natural children wouldn't be a part of my life. (Yes, I know 22 is a bit young to write off marraige...but that's how I felt). I set about making a plan that would guide my finances so I would be able to buy a house. I already had a good job & was going to move up in it. I planned to adopt kids.

It was less than 6 months later that I met a fellow who was quite a bit older than I, lived an adventurous life, wanted to have kids, get married and notice no mention of settle down. We were good friends and believed that the 'old man & the fat lady' would make a decent pairing. We were married almost exactly a year from our first introduction.

Skip to the kids...We have 4. I'm totally devoted to them & they are the joy of my life. That said--I wanted more. 10 years ago my husband, then in his mid 50's said 'no more'. I wept, I cried, I blamed God..and slowly accepted the fact that there would be no more babies. I too had 'seen' 3 more babies in my life..2 boys & a little girl. It broke my heart. Then an odd thing happened.

Children came into my life. Today I have an open table (and empty fridge). Some nights there are as many as 7 kids eating here, calling me 'Mom', asking me things they should ask their mothers...if their mothers had the time, inclination or involvement with these kids. Most of them are boys right now, friends of my teenaged sons & their circle. I've offered housing for some, moral support, letters of reccomendation.Two of my 'boys' are now in the military, several are in college, some are in highschool & middle school. On one unusual night there were 13 boys & 3 girls here. You'd think it was chaotic here..but it wasn't. It was brothers & sisters...my kids.

I've given birth to 4 kids & helped birth the dreams of a lot of others. They've helped me birth an education for myself, supported me while I've birthed a few dreams of my own & are standing by helping me to visualize & create this next one.

It's really not about the physical part of getting pregnant with a baby...it's the spiritual & mental part of the growth within ourselves & how we affect our world. Lissa, you've birthed one biological child...should the 2nd arrive, many blessings to you. You are also the mother to many ideas, many women & many opportunities. We are blessed by your motherhood.

S.

Lissa Rankin's picture

Dear Sharon, Bless you for

Dear Sharon, Bless you for letting your daughter be who she is without trying to put her in a GIRL box! I hope you know what a gift you're giving her.

And here's a little gift for you! Made me giggle. A post I wrote ages ago called "how to own pink if you hate the color." http://www.owningpink.com/2009/05/06/the-color-pink-how-you-can-own-pink-and-still-hate-the-color/

As I'm sure you can tell, it's simply not about the color. (Truth be told, my favorite color is baby blue! Shhh....)

I love you Pinkies!

Sharon D.'s picture

Hi again! Just have to say

Hi again! Just have to say yes to Elizabeth Manning AND I got the girl - dressed her up in frilly dresses etc. She's now a Teen and into horses. I buy these lovely dresses but she rejects them all stating I had my chance and dresses are simply not HER. There will be no spa sharing at least not anytime in the near future. I'm definitely grieving my 'loss'. But on the up side, I'm so proud!! That at the age of 13 she can define what is HER and state what she doesn't want is more than I could have hoped for.

Alexis, I love your open door policy with this decision - for in the living shall the answer come.

Thanks so much to everyone for sharing their stories and Lissa for manifesting such a wonderful place to share. I'm falling more in love with Pink every day and I used to simply HATE the color.

Much love and blessings Sharon

Lissa Rankin's picture

Oh Alexis, WELCOME! We're so

Oh Alexis, WELCOME! We're so happy to have you here among us!

And yes, this topic hit a nerve for me too when I was talking to a friend about it. Which is why I realized it was a MUST POST topic. Truth is, fertility/creation issues hit deep into the heart of most women, in one way or another.

Damn, Pinkies! I want all of you to meet Elisabeth Manning! Maybe I need to invite her to do a webinar for all of us...MMMMmmm....yes. I'm thinking yes.

Alexis, there's no reason to feel badly about your desire for a girl. OWN it, girlfriend! It's true- and there's never anything wrong with what's true for you. Even though you gave birth to a beautiful boy, you may be mourning the loss of a dream- a daughter to go to the spa with, little Pink girl clothes to shop for, a wedding to plan, being there when she gives birth. These feelings are real- and worthy. And we honor you right where you're at.

Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. We hear you and hold you. Much love Lissa

Alexis Ahrens's picture

This is my first time reading

This is my first time reading your blog, Lissa, though I've seen you on Twitter, and oh, what I've been missing! So happy to have found you!

I am a 42 year old mother of a 3 1/2 year old son, who, by the way, according to my white picket fence fantasy, was supposed to be a girl named ... wait for it... Siena. Yeah, interesting to read your post at this particular point in time. We had agreed upon having only one child, but when "Siena" turned out to be Lucas, I felt like backing out on our deal and still held out hope for a girl. My husband was never open to the idea of a second child, and though my son has filled my life in amazing, mystical ways, I just have this sense that it's not over yet... despite my age... despite our barely treading water financial situation ... despite feeling already crunched for time with just one child... despite my creative endeavors that feel like they'll never get off the ground if I add another baby to the mix.

I, too, have had intuitives tell me there is a girl baby waiting in the wings. Sometimes I wonder if they're not just reading my own projection of the age-old picket fence fantasy. But then Lucas, my um... intuitive son, just this week and out of the blue added "Siena" to his growing list of imaginary/spirit friends, and told his grandma very matter-of-factly that he had a baby sister.

So ... I don't know. I'm in that in-between place of still feeling that ache for another baby and a sibling for Lucas, and yet, it feels very conditional. I don't ache for another boy, as horrible as that sounds. I've had visions and dreams (the nighttime kind) about a daughter for decades. I have a sadness that she's not here, even though I feel great joy and gratitude for my son and all that he's given me that I couldn't possibly have learned any other way. I wouldn't trade him for the world. But if my desire for another baby is dependent on a gender guarantee, then perhaps it's not coming from the best place.

Boy, you really hit a nerve here. Sorry for the ramble. I didn't even touch on the beautiful topic of birthing (a business, a baby, a book, or a new self) as the most natural and powerful feminine act. I believe that the birth of my son, even the pregnancy, ignited a fireball of creative energy that fueled me to launch a book, a publishing company, a blog, and a few other creative projects - all before he was two. To follow through on all of these while being a full-time mom has been challenging, to say the least, and I can't imagine adding another baby to the mix if I'm to keep growing these other projects.

I suppose it comes down to a choice of what I want to nurture with my creative energy. My son is a given, and my top priority. Aside from that, I'm still on the fence. Everything seems a bit temporary until the decision is made and finally ...final. I'm not there yet.

Thanks for your thoughtful writing. I'll be back for sure! Cheers! Alexis

Dana Theus's picture

Wow. Look what a day of

Wow. Look what a day of meetings will do ... put me at comment #18.

But my eyes are watering after reading the comments. As you predicted in our conversation, Lissa, this is a very important conversation. Since you invited me to, I'm going to respond to a number of the points raised in comments in a blog post (or four!).

I am so thankful for this conversation, though, because reading this I'm understanding something even deeper than our conversation... I am seeing the tie-in between the choice and the connection between these two on-the-surface disparate activities of "work" and "children"... and more importantly why the decisions are so wrenching and wonderful no matter what your path. The reason is that - for women anyway (won't speak to men) - creation OF ANYTHING is a sacred act. Whether we are birthing a child, a project or a company, we are creating something in the world that is made from our very being and which will someday walk without our assistance. This is the very definition of creation and it lies at the core of our very existence.

I will ruminate and continue to follow the conversation closely. This is just SO important. To me and everyone, I think.

Bless you all for being here and sharing these deep and important aspects of yourselves.

Love, Light and Blessings ~Dana

Joy's picture

Thanks everyone -- I'm loving

Thanks everyone -- I'm loving this whole discussion and am gobbling up your delicious stories with utter relish (and faith in what's to come!). It's reminding me that whatever feels true now will of course not feel true always. We can only say yes to the moment. And Kathlyn, I want to echo Lissa that in ten years from now you will look back to now and go, "Ooooooh. THAT's why I needed to be there." (I've been doing a LOT of that myself lately). Keep off-roading, babes, and come back here any time you need a reminder. Your stories are gifts. I'm so honored to know each of you. Love and big hugs, Joy xxoxo

Lissa Rankin's picture

OOOh- I love this

OOOh- I love this Kathlyn! "Off-roading is better than standing at a Crossroads." Or as my Peace Corps Volunteer world traveller hubby likes to say "Not all who wander are lost."

Yes, crossroads can be paralyzing. And sometimes the only way back to the path is to wade knee-deep in the muck. We may only notice we're back on the path by discovering the ease with which we travel.

Thanks for circling back with us, Kathlyn. Have faith in the process. I guarantee you that 10 years from now, you will look back on this time and see that you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing in this moment, for it will ultimately connect you with where you're meant to be. (funny that way, how life always makes sense when viewed through what we docs like to call the "retrospectoscope."

Journey with joy, love Lissa

Kathlyn's picture

Thanks to you all for

Thanks to you all for sharing.

And thanks to the people who invented the "subscribe to this entry" technology. It's been lovely watching these stories pop up in my e-mail today.

Lissa, thanks for your path metaphor :) I do feel sometimes that I'm "off-roading, suddenly ... burrowing through the brush, knee deep in a swamp, wondering why the path got so hard."

An addendum, though, is that I'm also trying to learn that sometimes off-roading is better than standing at a Crossroads! I'm someone who earned a degree in journalism and always thought she'd work for a newspaper or magazine (ahahahahaha! As they say, the best way to make God laugh is to make a plan!). Now I'm trying to learn how adopt that dream into new realities - or maybe find a new dream! And I know I'm not going to get there without a few (ok, many :)false starts.

So thanks to the ladies here today sharing stories of their own false starts and (seemingly) wayward paths! It helps to hear your stories.

Lissa Rankin's picture

Oh Sharon. Wow. Deep bow.

Oh Sharon. Wow. Deep bow. Namaste to you love. What a story. Yes- this is rich and juicy stuff. And as an OB/GYN, I can say from much experience that the issue of creation and procreation is a deep and sensitive subject for most women. Many have had pregnancies they aborted. Others have never been pregnant and long to. Some have children and long for the time and energy to devote to other parts of their life. Others LIVE for their kids.

What I love about your story Sharon is how you're totally 100% OWNING IT. And yes, I'm a big believer in following the Signs from the Universe. They are all around, Pinkies. Open your eyes... Loving you Lissa

Sharon D.'s picture

Due to a childhood filled

Due to a childhood filled with chaos and abuse, I swore I'd never give birth and bring a child into this terrible world. I used birth control religiously and stood strong in my belief for years. I'm an artist and astrologer and that was going to be it. No strings, no commitments and certainly no children. Yes, the life of a gypsy, that was for me.

Then I had a car accident and head injury that shook my world to the core. I could no longer control my orderly world that allowed no man or child to enter. I got pregnant and sadly aborted the child, but the SPIRIT of the child would not leave me and wouldn't you know I got pregnant again. It was very strange because I felt so little control over anything at the time so I lived in a world of panic and quick response. What I KNEW was this child wanted ME for a mother and while I would not listen to any humans, I was well tuned to SPIRIT and that moved me. I took a giant leap of FAITH and I'm so grateful to ME that I had to courage to follow my instincts at the age of 39, no less. :-)

My daughter Kat has brought more healing to my world than any Doctor or Spiritual guru every could. She gave me back ME! Through her LOVE I was able to see I wasn't a broken toy no one wanted to play with, but a loving being with much to offer. I didn't need to be fixed or repainted, I just needed to know I was capable of both receiving and giving LOVE.

Then the guilt started. How could I have brought a child into this world with no family (I have a birth family that doesn't know my daughter, their choice) and leave her all alone should my journey in the world come to an end. I struggled with getting pregnant again for that reason alone. Kat's dad wanted to have another baby, but a rock&roll guitar player who lived with his mom, just didn't cut it for me and logic took over. It was going to be hard enough to do this on my own financially and did I have enough energy to do it all! I prayed, meditated and LIVED. Life was getting easier everyday and guilt just faded away as joy and abundance took over within and without.

I didn't have another baby, but through my daughter at the age of 4, I met a man. I wasn't looking for a relationship and wouldn't have looked twice at Doug if it wasn't for Kat. Doug was a neighbour and one day we were walking by his place and he asked us in for tea. When we were walking home she stopped and looked up at me and said, "Now THAT is a very nice man!" in a voice way beyond 4 years of age. I still recall vividly the energy moving thru my body and even the tips of my toes tingled. A seed was planted.

That seed was yet another yet another of my healing and allowing a man into our world. With Doug's support, I have given BIRTH to my own shop MetalRocks where I sell my jewellery creations on Etsy. I still practice my astrology when people come to me - I don't advertise - but it is no longer something I simply do, it is a part of who I am now. The sharing of all my gifts and skills with others via parenting, jewellery, and astrology feeds by Soul and nurtures me to the very core of my being.

Sometimes I think we have to give up the need to control outcomes and just let life happen. There is certain good sense that needs to be applied to all life decisions, but many of them are truly out of our hands. I think it's better to look and feel for signs that tell us where we're growing to next. I think it prudent to sit down with one's self on a regular basis just to check in. Are the decisions I made last year/month/week still serving the me in the NOW? Sometimes when we take ourselves so seriously we forget we live in a benevolent Universe. WE ARE PERFECT IN OUR IMPERFECTION!

Fabulous discussion!

Love and Blessings PINKIES!! Sharon

Lissa Rankin's picture

Dear Joy, YES YES YES! Back

Dear Joy, YES YES YES! Back when I was your age (yes, Pinkies- that was a while ago- 9 years to be exact), I felt the same way. At the time I was married to a guy I couldn't imagine ever having children with- and frankly, that was okay with me. I had always been on the fence about having children. Unlike my girlfriends, who longed for children from the time they were 8 year olds playing house, I had always been a "Not today, maybe tomorrow" kind of gal.

Then, on my second date with my now-husband, I got this plunk in my stomach that said,"Damn, if I wind up with this guy, I"m gonna end up a mother." I just knew him well enough already to know he would want children. And he did. And I loved him enough to want to fulfill that dream with him. But had he not pushed for them, I probably wouldn't have a 4 year old daughter right now. And as much as I adore her and can't imagine my life without her- I'm sure I would have been just as happy if I had chosen the other fork in the road and put all of my mothering creative energy towards other pursuits. I think it would have been okay either way. I've never had this idealistic view of motherhood. I've always seen it as a fork in the road. Either you choose to go this way (and get lots of gifts in life) or you go the other way (and get a whole other set of gifts in life).

So I say BRAVO, JOY! And own it. And never say never- because you just can't know what life will hold. Be true to yourself (I know you will), be open to possibility, check in often, and let life flow. You are not broken- in fact, you're perfectly, beautifully whole. And you DO create. You DO nurture. You DO mother...

Rocking you in my arms, Lissa

Joy's picture

Lissa, thank you so much for

Lissa, thank you so much for starting this conversation. Reading the draft yesterday I felt so completely moved and excited that I almost wrote a comment right on the word document. =)

My feelings about having babies have always fallen somewhere along a spectrum that ranges from horror at "worst" to ambivalence at "best."

There's always been this knowing with my whole being that children would take up time and energy I absolutely needed to do other things. Of course this feels selfish and weird and wrong, especially since everyone around me was/is having babies, or desired deeply to have them. For years I wondered (and I still do sometimes) what's "wrong" with me for feeling the way I do ... unresolved childhood issues, some deep-rooted denial of my femininity, blah blah?

Then one day I heard myself saying, "I'm going to do my mothering in the world in other ways." It was around that time that I was starting to hear and move toward my calling. I began to have glimmers that my lack of desire to procreate didn't speak to an issue or brokenness, but rather to a different place to put my creative, nurturing energy.

This of course is all coming together for me after reading this post. Thank you for putting this profoundly mysterious aspect of my life into words, for validating it, and for the power I feel in finally being able to own it.

Love you my friend. xoxoxo

Lissa Rankin's picture

Kathlyn, I hear you sister.

Kathlyn, I hear you sister. When I was your age, I was a med-student- and then a resident. And it was freakin' hard! I almost quit at least a dozen times because it required so much sacrifice that I was constantly questioning whether it was worth it. Now, having done it, I'm glad I did. Would i do it all again? Uh....maybe not.

I've come to believe that it's really not supposed to be that hard. Not to diminish what you're experiencing. Not to say that being pregnant doesn't cause back aches, that raising a child isn't without struggles, or that growing a professinonal dream isn't without long nights of plodding away. Not to get too woo woo, but I honestly believe that when you're on the divine path God intends for you, things become much less hard.

It's as if there's this nature trail we walk, and it's flowing and effortless, wandering through the woods, enjoying the scenery. But if we decide to go off-roading, we suddenly find ourselves burrowing through the brush, knee deep in a swamp, wondering why the path got so hard. When in fact, we simple stepped off the path and may not have noticed. When we wander back to our path, we suddenly realize that it shouldn't have been quite so hard. (Oooh- I see a whole other post in here! Stay tuned!)

Anyway, I'm with you, girlfriend. Yes, being organized, staying focused (my hubby calls it "stick-to-it-iveness"), and being dedicated will serve you well, regardless of whether you're making babies or businesses. But if you find yourself struggling, crying, questioning, hurting, longing...take a good look. Have you wandered out into the swamp by accident?

Just thinking... Thank you for your beautiful old soul wisdom, darling. WIth love Lissa

Kathlyn's picture

I'm a bit younger than some

I'm a bit younger than some of you who have commented so far, in my mid-20s. And lately it seems like all of my friends - both in real life and in places like Facebook are getting married and having babies. Or, they're rocking their careers.

Seems like everybody is doing one or the other. I don't see so many people around me rockin' on the baby front AND the cool-projects-at-work front.

What I have begun to realize is that giving birth to a baby or a work project ... is hard work. Each prospect feels like a dream ("Aw, babies, so cute!" or "Wow, what a great idea! Do it!") --- until it doesn't.

I'm presently working on learning how to push through on the work front. It's hard, more than I thought.

I do think what I'm learning - that I must be organized, stay focused, be dedicated - will translate when and if I ever have a baby.

Lissa Rankin's picture

Oh Sue, thank you love. Your

Oh Sue, thank you love. Your last sentence validates everything I know is true but nevertheless question often. Doing so has meant sacrifices in the rest of my life- like having another baby. But that's okay, right? We all must give birth however we are meant to do so. It often doesn't look the way we expect, does it?

I'm So glad you know Elisabeth. She's a gorgeous human being and I'm blessed to have her in my life.

We are so happy to have you here among us, bringing your fertile spirit and creative passion to all that we are. Big love, Lissa

Sue Dumais's picture

Thank you for your loving

Thank you for your loving response Lissa! My story brings tears to my eyes as well only they are more commonly tears of joy and gratitude for the amazing gifts I receive and for being able to help transform the fertility experience of countless women. I have been chosen to do this work and I believe I decided this path long before I arrived.

I am very familiar with Elisabeth's work we have been in touch several times. She is a vibrant soul! I am finding more and more of a fertility community and it warms my heart to know there are so many amazing women out there who are taking a stand and helping other women realize their full potential. I am excited and grateful to have found your beautiful online community.

Thank you for all you have given birth to in this world. The impact you have on the lives of others will never truly be measured but energetically you are changing the world. Hugs and love, Sue

Lissa Rankin's picture

Oh, Sue- your story brings me

Oh, Sue- your story brings me to tears. How lovely that you have been in touch with the baby spirits who are calling themselves into your life. This is exactly what my dear friend Elisabeth Manning does! Please feel free to contact her. She is an absolute angel and has had amazing results in helping people draw in or release the spirits that wish to be born. She's also a master at helping others co-create with the Divine (whether it's a child, a dream, a business, a book- whatever!)

http://www.consciousconception.net/about_the_founder

I honor that you are tapping into this sacred understanding of life and that you're open to having Faith come into your life in whatever way she might manifest. Bless you on your journey and thank you for sharing your wisdom here. Feeling the energy of your birth process, Lissa

Lissa Rankin's picture

Stacey, Yes, I too am the

Stacey, Yes, I too am the primary provider in our family. My MBA-trained husband quit his venture capital type corporate job to follow his own dreams and support mine, while raising our daughter. So I hear you on carrying the responsibility for creating financial security for your family.

And congrats to you for giving birth to the Midwife for your life dream (love the name!) Sounds like you are not only giving birth to YOU, you're helping others do the same...

You go girl. Seeing within you the ability to create ANYTHING, Lissa

Sue Dumais's picture

Thank you Lissa for sharing

Thank you Lissa for sharing your experience and wisdom. More women need to realize that we can and do give birth to concepts, projects, books, business, life, friendships etc each and every day. Our creative energy can be channeled into giving birth to a baby or giving birth to another form of creation. That creation often comes from deep within us. It is our purpose or calling to discover what we are here to give birth to. No one can decide that for us.

My husband and I have been open to conceiving another baby for the last 5 years. My son is almost 6 years old and he keeps asking for a younger brother or sister. My fertility journey has allowed to return home to SELF. I have learned to Mother Self and I now share that with other women. I have given birth to my mind body studio where I focus on fertility and pre & post natal health.

I have found a wonderful place of peace and continue to follow my guidance. I am open to whatever path I am meant to take but my heart calls me to Africa to adopt my spirit baby FAITH. My sense is that she has been born and I continue to connect with her by distance in spirit. I feel her touch my right cheek when I invite her into my energy field and it warms my heart. I have 2 spirit babies around me at this time and I am open to how they arrive or if they do. The spirit baby that came to visit me in physical form in 2001 left early in my pregnancy but her visit has left a deep impression of gratitude in my heart. Our relationship continues in spirit and will remain that way. She is my daughter in spirit and she saved my life by coming through to visit me when she did.

I struggle to find words to describe on a human level what my experience has been, but I know that spiritually I am exactly where I need to be doing exactly what I need to be doing. And that gives me peace in this moment! We are all powerful creators and as women follow their own inner guidance, their path will reveal itself. Have FAITH and continue to trust in SELF!

Namaste, Sue

Stacey's picture

Oh, yes, we could stay up

Oh, yes, we could stay up alllll night with this topic! I too had my one-and-only baby at 35 and am entering my 41st year...

I always thought I would have at least two children but my husband doesn't make money (just beautiful poetry and prose!), and as amazing a stay-at-home father as he is, I knew that *I* couldn't be the mother I *wanted* to be to two children while working to bring our family income.

So last year I gave birth to Midwife for Your Life - with the tag line "Give Birth to a Life You Love" - in order to truly OWN my passion for writing and life coaching.

And it has been like a baby in so many respects - I love it with all my heart, but it will be a while before it's interested in meeting my needs for security or order, you know? :-)

I, too, take great comfort in knowing that I am on *my* path for a reason - and that as long as I follow joy as my sign posts, I will continue to have a great journey.

Much love, Stacey

Lissa Rankin's picture

Amen, sister. Yes, when I

Amen, sister. Yes, when I pray for guidance, I try to get my own will out of the way (and damn is it strong!) But yes, you're right. God has never failed me when I follow the signs and walk the path... Big hugs to you, Melissa- Lissa

Melissa's picture

Great conversation. This is

Great conversation. This is something my husband and I have been discussing in great detail the past few months. There are so many paths to take - but which is the one that God wants for us. You really have to zone in: prayer, Bible reading, meditation to see what He wants from us. That path may not be the path we want to take, but it's the most rewarding spiritually.

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