Dearest Pinkies, please welcome back Leah Shapiro, Head Rabble Rouser at DefytheBox.com. Leah works with women who are tired of the self doubt and the frustration that they are feeling, and who are no longer willing to give up their dreams in order to fit into the role that society has cast them in. Today, she brings us some fresh - and quite Pink, if we do say so - ways to approach making changes in our lives. Thank you as always, Leah, for your convention-defying wisdom. Love to you, sister.

How do you go about creating change in your life?

I think the most common approach is identifying what you think is “wrong” with your life, and then setting up a plan to “fix” it. You spend your time and energy trying to stop doing something.

For example, if you wanted to lose weight, you may decide to stop eating junk food, and to stop spending your time sitting on the couch watching TV.

The flaw that I see in this approach is that you are focusing your attention on what you can’t have.

Focusing on what we can't have

I don’t know about you, but as soon as I decide I am not going to have something anymore, the more I start thinking about it and wanting it. It becomes all about denying myself something and my having the discipline not to do it, which does not usually work so well for me.

This approach is also built on the premise that there is something “wrong’ with you that you need to “fix”.

Energetically this is moving you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on what is “wrong” and needs to be “fixed”, the more of that you will get.

Let’s say you decide not to eat junk food, but then that is all you can think about, and you have a chip or two, and then you feel bad for eating the chips, which makes you want to eat more chips. The next thing you know you are feeling bad about yourself for not being able to stick to your plan and you start tuning out the bad feelings by watching TV.

Do you see where I am going with this?

I have another idea for you to try.

What if rather than looking at the stuff that you want to fix and change in your life, you decided to focus on what you want more of in your life ?

What if you focus on how you might add stuff into your day that feels good, rather than being focused on stopping a behavior, or taking something away?

What would that look like for you?

Let’s go back to the losing weight example. In order for this approach to work, you need to connect to the reason why you are doing something.

Let’s say that the reason that you want to lose weight is to feel healthier and more energetic. How could you add things into your day that would allow you to feel healthier and more energetic?

Perhaps you might add more greens into your diet every day, and you decide that going for a walk increases your energy so you add that into your day too.

Then you discover that getting 8 hours of sleep a night really feels good and increases your energy so you do that too.

Adding the greens into your diet increases your bodies desire for more good food, and going for a walk and getting more sleeps leaves you energized and feeling like doing more stuff. Next thing you know, you don’t crave junk food and sitting on the couch is not so appealing.

As you begin to add these things into your day, and you feel good about them, it empowers you to do more stuff that feels good. It is a much gentler way to treat yourself and it will bring you the results that you are looking for much faster.

Creating more of what we want

It all comes down to this: What you focus on expands into your reality. When you focus on what is wrong, and needs to be fixed, you get more of that. When you focus on what you want more of, and what feels good and works for you , you get more of that.

So, Pinkies, what would you rather have more of? How might you shift your focus in order to have it?

Owning what I want and loving it,
Leah