he sure is ..........everyday I wake up and am grateful for the wonderful husband and the wonderful life that we have created

I know what you mean Lissa ............ for a while we went through the whole "do we have children, do we not" ; whilst babies weren't on my list of priorities if my husband wanted to have children more than I wanted not to have them then I was willing to be a mum - if that makes sense at all. However my darling husband in the end said that he thanked me for the choice and the option but since I wasn't really into the whole thing , he was happy to stay TWO just because I was willing to become THREE for him - love is a wonderful thing x x x

Thank you Lissa, No one has ever been able to speak about how it feels ~ as you have ~ it's extremely painful and very,very sad for me.... I completely love you & all my friends here! xoxo Sweet dreams! Jo

Bobby and Lissa (and others)

You bring up a great point about being able to live a rich life without children. Reading this post reminded me that I set out to have children and NOT compromise myself very deliberately. My husband, like Matt, agreed to take on a lot of the childrearing stuff - especially when they were little he did most of the schlepping (day care in his building) so I could keep up with my corporate job(s). When they were in middle school, we switched, but - not out of a sense of fairness - but because I realized that being at home was good for ME AND THE KIDS (and hubby, it turns out since he could take on more work that he really enjoyed).

I won't say it was easy, but I think that I've always been determined to be ME and a MOM - in part for myself and in part for them. I don't think it's fair to moms or their kids to expect moms to donate their entire lives to their kids. If a mom wants to, great, but I think it makes for healthier children and happier women to work to bring balance into everyone's lives from day one. I know that for single moms this is especailly tough, but I also know some that have set up great networks of friends to support them right from the start and their kids grow up in a "diverse family" of people that love them and the moms don't go insane. Children or no children, we all need balance in our lives and we all need community and we all need time alone.

Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

Love, Light and Blessings ~Dana

"To baby or not to baby - the modern woman's choice."

Whilst living in the city and holding down a full time high, flying corporate career no-one seemed to 'expect' me to have children .... after all I had chosen career over children! Then 5 years ago my husband and I did the whole tree thing and left the rat race behind and moved to the country. We purchased a farm (oh and a year before that I had given up work and taken a year's sabbatical to see what I wanted to do next) and I don't work off farm. It's amazing the amount of people who ask me why I don't have kids; I struggled for a good year with the guilt of "I am home , this is a perfect environment for raising kids etc etc" but then one day I met 2 other ladies who were similar age, did the whole tree change thing and were confidently and happily saying they don't have kids because they have chosen not to. I now proudly tell people that I don't have children because I have chosen not to and feel wonderful about it. If I had children I wouldn't have the time and energy to touch the lives and souls of all whom I do. We all have our own calling and being a woman is not a birthright to be a baby making machine; we all have our own paths and lessons to learn and sometimes children are a part of this and sometimes not.

To the power of choice and the power of acceptance - these bring happiness.

Much love Bobby G x x x

Hi Lissa -

It was a good morning to read your posts. Mother's Day is one of those days that for me used to be fraught with tension, as a parent to three step-daughters, two of whom I raised with my husband (from ages 11 + 13), and the other, our oldest, lived w/her Mom from age 14 years old.

I would worry if they would acknowledge me, if my husband would be a little extra nice. It's taken time to train Bob, but he knows that even though HIS parent's didn't 'celebrate' mother & father's days, that it was important to me!

I did not have any children of my own, and these girls, and their babies, are and have been a huge part of my life! I am so fortunate that now I am also a "Granny" to all 4 of their children, who love me unconditionally. The girls all handle Mother's Day a little differently with me, even though I am the one that truly mothered them through their formative years. I got them kinda 'half-baked.' My youngest, who still lives with us at age 24 (economy) is the one who resents me the most right now. But what I have learned over the years is acceptance, so that I can accept the love and attention from those who share + show it, and not worry about being acknowledged. I know that in my life I am loved, by so many people, including you, Lissa, and you are someone who has really helped me reach that place of calm knowing, that being a Mom isn't just a physical thing.

The kids tell me, though, if they meet someone named Jane, it is very difficult for them, because Jane is synonymous with Mom in their heads! I am not their Mom, she's someone else. I am their Jane. And I am grateful.

Thanks for the Mother's Day wishes! Happy Mother's Day to you too!

Thank you dear Chris. I honor YOU today. We all deserve to have a special day that makes us the center of the Universe.

Oh, thank you love. You TOO are one cool chica- and I love you- just the way you are. xoxo

Dearest Pinkies, I've been in San Francisco with my family all day or I would have responded to each of you individually. But suffice it to say that you've moved me to tears and that I'm so grateful for this community where we can all support each other, wherever we are in our journey. United as mothers and nurturers in every conceivable way, Lissa

I smiled deeply in my heart when I saw the photo of you and Siena pop up on Facebook. ~so-very-sweet~

You've given birth to Siena, to yourself (again) and your career. Let's not forget birth to a loving marriage and a nurturing community - and, if I might add, you've also helped to birth a heck of a lotta babies.

I've got dog mom mojo in one big hairy way. My 6 year old boxer is my blessing...thank you Jaba! :-)

Happy Mother's Day to you Lissa and my kisses to Ms. Siena and Matt. xoxo

Cindy, bless you. This is not an easy time for you, no doubt. Your husband is right. Everything is as it should be. It's important to feel your feelings and allow yourself to grieve and also to know that there are many ways to mother, just as Lissa says. I know how you feel and send you love and comfort. Maya

Lissa, your post means so much too me. I just found out that I can't have children. And I'm preparing for the difficult, scary conversations I'm about to have with my parents and in-laws.

The one thing I wanted more than anything was to create a spirit, a tiny person, a life with the man I love. I feel like I'm in mourning... mourning for the child I will never have. My husband is an amazing man. He hugs me and tells me, "everything is just as it should be."

And your words inspire me. I have wonderful nieces and nephews and will continue to love them with my entire being. Thank you for your words, kindness and wisdom.

This post was perfect timing for me as I had just posted on Twitter to ask why there was no special day for women, like me, who don't have children. I always feel left out on Mother's Day and remember getting pitying glances sometimes.

It's so nice to read an article like this that honors who I am. I am a wonderful 'Aunt Maya' (literally!) and I adore my nieces and nephews. I love being an auntie. I was a stepmother for a few years too and loved that. I didn't have children because I think my body created a way for me not to have children by causing infertility. I was very conflicted about being a mother and felt I might ruin their lives and, in the end, after a 6th pregnancy that went wrong, I ended up very ill. The decision was then taken out of my hands and, while I have had moments of great sadness, I am also grateful for the life that this choice has given me. I would never have lived in so many countries, learned languages, had amazing adventures and now have wonderful friends all over the world.

Your post reminded me of all this and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Lissa.

What a wonderful tribute to all the "Mommy's" out there. I'm a step-mother as well as a mother, and "Mom" to many of my children's friends. I think mothering goes far beyond just giving birth.

Lissa,

The next time I'm faced with questions from someone I don't feel like sharing all the reasons I "still" am not preganat with I will picture you hugging me. *tears in my eyes* Thank you for this post.

~Shannon

Wonderful post, Lissa. Thank you for sharing the joy of that universal power we women have to mother the whole world. Children may be our biological link to this power, but they are simply one of many manifestations of this very special love.

Happy mother's day to every woman on the earth. We will save the world with our love.

Love, Light and Blessings ~Dana