I never quite thought of myself as the Mommy type. I wanted to be an adventure girl: the cool, hip, young Renaissance woman who was too busy with art, dinner parties, travel, and fascinating conversation to be bothered with diaper changes and breast feeding. Then I met my husband and realized, on our second date, that if I hung out this guy who I adored, I was likely to end up a mother.

In January 2006, I gave birth to my daughter. And every fear I had about becoming a mother came true.

It’s not fair to blame my daughter, who is the love of my life. I couldn’t ask for a more precious daughter. I blame the circumstances, not her, for the fact that I completely lost my mojo when I became a mother.

I gave birth to Siena by C-section, and within two weeks, my dog died, my brother ended up in liver failure from a common antibiotic, and my beloved father passed away. I called it my "Perfect Storm." Within two weeks of giving birth, my mojo went “poof!” I found myself depressed, despondent, and back at work four weeks after giving birth, with breast milk leaking through my surgical scrubs while I helped another woman give birth, wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. It was a real low point.

It took me a few years, but I finally got my "mojo" (which I define as "MOre JOy") back. How did I do it? In short, I diagnosed what was at the root of my unhappiness, wrote The Prescription for myself, took ownership of all the facets of what makes me whole- my creativity, spirituality, health, sexuality, relationships, career, finances,- and motherhood! And I implemented the action steps my healing inner wisdom knew I needed to take.

Many of us get thwacked with our own Perfect Storm when we become mothers. If you've lost your mojo and are longing to get it back, here are some pointers.

How YOU can be a Mommy with Mojo:

1. Be ALL YOU, ALL THE TIME. It’s so tempting when you become a mother to give up your own identity and merge it with the children you’re trying to raise to be good humans in the world. Remember that you will serve them- and you- better by being true to who you are. Tap into what I call your "Inner Pilot Light," get really honest with yourself about who you are, and take measures to overcome your fear of letting this part of you shine. (Sign up here for daily inspiring, love-filled messages from your Inner Pilot Light that will light your fire.)
2. Defrump your wardrobe. Put away the sweat pants and baggy Ts and go buy yourself something that makes you feel fabulous. Whenever you need a shot of mojo, dress up, even if you’re just going to the grocery store.
3. Make up a Mojo Mantra. Maybe it’s “I am a Mommy with Mojo.” Or “I am a sexy, radiant, vital woman.” Make one up that resonates with you. Repeat it in your head when you’re doing mundane Mommy tasks. It will add a spring to your step and sparkle to your eye.
4. Take care of your body.  Do a green juice detox cleanse. Run a marathon.  Find a good integrative medicine doctor who can assess your thyroid, adrenal, and sex hormones. As we get older, and particularly after we’ve had kids, our hormones can get out of whack, which can be a major mojo drain. If your hormones are optimized, your mood, energy level, and sex life will likely improve.
5. Get your sexy back. Have great sex, even if it’s with yourself. A celibate mommy who never has orgasms is unlikely to be revved up with mojo. If you’re in a relationship, make sex dates- and make sure they’re early enough that you have energy. If you have to do the dishes, do the laundry, and then do your husband, it’s probably not gonna happen. Make it a priority. Trade in the granny panties for some sassy lingerie. Even if you’re a single Mom without a partner, YOU’LL know it’s there, and it will remind you that your mojo is always with you.
6. Let your freak flag fly and forget what the other Mommies think. If you’re caught up in wearing masks and pretending to be something you’re not, you’re gonna lose your mojo. Your kids (and those who matter) will love it!
7. Get childcare so you can have some ME time. Or make it happen when the kids are around. View From the Bay host Lisa Quinn promotes what she calls “Tiara Time.” She puts on a tiara and tells the family she’s off duty for a while. Being a Mommy with Mojo requires that you recharge your batteries.
8. Find meaning in motherhood. Remind yourself of your mission as a mother.
9. Get creative. Carve out time (even if it's just 20 minutes while the baby sleeps) to let those creative projects firing up inside of you come to life. Once you give birth, it may be tempting not to give birth to any of your creative ideas. But they're gestating anyway, and we all know what happens with gestation- the time comes to give birth, and if you don't bring your baby to life, the baby dies. What within you wants to be born?
10. Tap in spiritually. It may be hard to feel particularly spiritual when the kids are tap dancing on your thighs at church and any attempts at meditation seem like a ludicrous pipe dream. But when you lose touch with a sense of the Divine- either inside or outside of you- you may find yourself caught up in what Monica Wilcox calls "The Deep Lonely." Find 5 minutes for time alone in prayer, meditation, or a walk in the sanctuary of nature.
11. Take charge of your finances. So often, women give away their power when it comes to their money. But it's empowering to be part of the financial process. Make a little money of your own, even if it's just a token compared to what your partner may bring in. Know what's in your bank account. Check out the budget. Don't outsource completely. Too many women wind up feeling trapped in unhappy situations because they don't feel educated or empowered enough to take care of themselves and their children.
12. Find a room (or a corner) of one's own. Create a sacred space in your home or office, even if it's just a little corner of the living room or a closet you hang out in. Declare it "Mommy's special place" and make it off limits to everyone else. Build an altar. Fill it with sacred objects. Go there when you need to recharge.
13. Find your tribe. As a mom, you may find yourself surrounded by people- other moms, other kids- but if they're not YOUR people, you may wind up feeling desperately disconnected. Find at least one friend who you can really be yourself around. Give that person permission to do the same with you. If possible, find five of these people- or more.
14. Be of service. I know, I know- you're always giving to your kids. But think bigger. Who can you serve that might be less fortunate than you? It can be as simple as taking the 29 Gifts Giving Challenge or showing up in the Owning Pink community and either lifting up someone who's down or celebrating someone with a triumph. Remember that there's a big bad world out there longing for your gifts, love, and service.
15. Take time to be grateful for the blessings motherhood brings.

For more tips on how to be a mommy with mojo, watch my TEDx Talk here. And to learn how to write The Prescription for yourself, sign up for this free training video I created to help moms like you get their mojo rocking!

How do YOU keep your mojo as a mother? What works for you? Do tell…

 Rocking motherhood,

Lissa