I can’t orgasm. What can I do?

I've gotten a couple of readers asking this question they wish they could ask a sex therapist. It's interesting that this question comes in many flavors, "I can have an orgasm by myself but not with a partner," and conversely, "I can orgasm with a partner but not by myself." I understand too, that some women have never had an orgasm at all. (If you're in this latter category, try the stuff in these posts, but also see your gynecologist in case there are physical issues that can be addressed.)

It's absolutely true that the female orgasm is complicated and more an art than a science. But according to Lissa in What's Up Down There?, 85-90% of women are physically capable of orgasming -- so if you struggle to come, it's likely that if you work at it a bit you'll be able to find your own special sauce and learn how to slather it! Some women report being able to orgasm from fantasy alone!