I used to fantasize about Valentine’s Day, dreaming up lavish scenes of decadent romance that my lovers would plan.  Plane trips to Paris. Kissing from the top of the Eiffel Tower.  Picnics on the beach with real china and candles and a bonfire to boot. Buggy rides in Central Park.

You know, the stuff they do in romantic comedies.

My poor boyfriends didn’t stand a chance.

Instead of being appreciative for the plastic-but-looks-like-silver necklace and matching earrings my man bought me at The Limited, my heart sank, as I made up all these stories about how he didn’t really know me if he couldn’t read my mind and buy me the perfect present.

Instead of recognizing the precious sweetness of the boyfriend who painted all over the campus bridge “I love you Lissa,” for the whole Duke University student population to see, I was mortified.

Ungrateful little bitch I was.

Fortunately, I’ve grown up a bit since then, and now, I adore it when someone I love makes me feel special on Valentine’s Day, but I place zero expectations on other people to fill my cup. Instead, I pick a day sometime that week to take care of myself.

11 Ways To Be Your Own Valentine

1.     Buy yourself flowers. Go all out and have them delivered. Sign it “from someone who really adores you.”

2.     Take yourself to a spa. Soak in the hot tub. Steam in the steam room. Get a massage. Bring aromatherapy oils and dab them on yourself. Make your own salt scrub and bring it with you to use in the shower.

3.     Buy yourself a book you won’t be able to put down. Set aside hours by the fire or in the lobby of your favorite hotel and just let yourself indulge.

4.     Have great sex with yourself.  Light the candles.  Use a fun erotic gel like Zestra.  Use feathers. Seduce yourself. Bring props. Read a sexy novel. Get a great vibrator if you like. Go nuts.

5.     Don’t wait for someone else to treat you. If you’re jonesing for that diamond tennis bracelet and you can afford it, treat yourself. (Yes, I bought my own diamond ring, dammit!)

6.     Invite your lover, your friend, or your family to join you for a romantic outing in nature. Get creative. Heighten your senses. Include tastes, scents, lush visuals, relaxing sounds, soft touch.

7.     Put yourself up at a swanky hotel. Watch pay-per-view. Drink from the mini-bar. Hang out by the pool. Work out in the gym. Give yourself a whole day and night to just do what you please with no obligation.

8.     Make yourself raw chocolate. It’s super easy. My recipe: a bag of raw cacao powder, ½ jar of coconut butter, ½ jar coconut oil, a big chunk of raw cacoa butter, 1-2 tsp Himalayan sea salt, agave to taste. Melt the hard ingredients until just soft (to be technically raw, keep below 108 degrees). You’ll think you’ve gone to heaven.

9.     Treat yourself to dinner out. Bring a friend or go alone and enjoy the people-watching and the special attention you’ll get at a fine dining restaurant by yourself.

10.  Take yourself dancing. Wear a sexy little number and pretty lingerie. Let your freak flag fly. OWN the dance floor.

11.  Write yourself a love letter from your Inner Pilot Light. Dear YOU, Love, Your Inner Pilot Light. Get gushy.

So many women I know get all caught up in a Hallmark holiday that takes away their power and makes them feel unworthy if there isn’t someone else making them feel special. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Then if someone else surprises you with a killer Valentine’s Day, it’ll be just icing and you can relish in the gratitude, without loading the day with expectations few humanoids can actually live up to.

Remember, the day is supposed to be about love.

Don’t forget to reach out to those you care about. Send Valentines to nieces and nephews, your best friend, your mother, and your colleagues. Surprise someone. Do something unexpected.

Remember that giving feels even better than receiving sometimes.

Make sure the love goes both ways. Fill yourself first so you’re so full of life force you’re irresistible to others and there’s plenty to share.

I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, my love.

You SO deserve it.

With hearts and flowers and chocolate kisses,

Lissa

Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of OwningPink.com, Pink Medicine Revolutionary, motivational speaker, and author of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.