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5 Steps To Fix Sex Drive Differences

MaryEllen Goggin's picture
unhappy couple
A gap in libido is one of the most common complaints of couples in treatment. This situation can lead to severe stress, infidelity, and/or divorce. Sex problems can weaken the most solid relationship.

There are wide variations in how often a person wants to engage in sex. On one end of the continuum are those who view sex as a routine daily activity like brushing their teeth. On the other end, some prefer no sexual engagement at all. Most of us fit somewhere in the middle.

A person's natural sex drive can be diminished by a number of factors, including child-birth and parenting, career, stress, medications (except, of course, for drugs like Viagra), menopause, and aging. These can widen the gap for couples who've gotten comfortable with small differences in their sex drives. When the gap gets too wide, problems often emerge.

Changes in one of the partner's feelings about the relationship will also be reflected in the bedroom.  For instance, anger is an anti-aphrodisiac, and so is poor hygiene, excessive alcohol, and visiting in-laws from out of state.

How can you keep sex from ruining your relationship? Below I've shared a 5 step process that we use with clients to help them resolve sex drive disparity. Follow these steps sequentially, take your time, and try to maintain an attitude of curiosity about yourself and your partner.

Step 1:  Start by shifting the focus to yourself. Decide, in your ideal world,  how many times per week you'd like to have sex with your partner. Now consider how your responsibilities, duties and hobbies impact your ideal number. Be honest with yourself. How much of your time and physical and emotional resources do you really want to dedicate to your sexuality? Identify your level of sexual energy? On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your sexual relationship with your partner?

Step 2:  Why do you think this problem exists?  Are your sex drives just naturally different, or might they be a reflection of other problems in your relationship?  Has your passion eroded over time? Is sex routine and boring?  Knowing the answers to these question is critical. If you define the problem, finding a solution is possible.

Step 3: Are you and your partner open and honest with each other?  Do you feel safe to talk openly about everything , including sex?  How would it feel for you to initiate a conversation about your sex life -  embarrassing, scary, shameful, vulnerable, guilty,  sad, angry?

Step 4: Write down your responses to Step 1-3 and review them. Prepare to talk with you partner about your feelings and sexual wants and needs. Consider asking your partner to complete these 5 steps before you start a discussion to give him or her an opportunity to prepare too. When you do talk, try to listen without feeling defensive, resentful or angry.  Having a deeper understanding of  your partner's sexual needs and desires will diffuse tension and negative emotion and strengthen your connection.

Step 5: Compare and contrast the commonalities and differences in your sexual needs and wants. Remember to be, and stay, clear in your own mind your sexual wants and needs. Don't let your clarity get diluted or dissolved during your discussion.The areas you and your partner have in common can serve as a foundation you can  build upon. Your differences are challenges to overcome together.

Disagreements about sex is a major causes of divorce. If you and/or your partner are experiencing difficulties, it is best to address them immediately to stop the inevitable erosion to your relationship. Besides sex can be the ultimate way to nurture a deep connection and ensure a satisfying, lasting relationship.

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Comments

jerinafrz's picture

There are a number of proven

There are a number of proven natural sexual enhancers which will work for both men and women, to boost sex drive and improve sexual staying pow The herbs can be found in all the best natural sex pills and not only will they improve your sex life, they will also improve your all round levels of wellness at the same time.

jerinafrz's picture

Licorice another name for the

Licorice another name for the root of Glycyrrhiza glabra plant has many attributes that man has benefited from. Its flavonoids affect the endocrine system enhancing love and lust in women. It is an aphrodisiac that increases sexual urge and can be used in the treatment of many gynecological ailments from irregular menstrual flow to menopause.

jerinafrz's picture

Damiana plant is one of those

Damiana plant is one of those classic supporters of women failed sex pleasure. Its use normalizes mood swings and puts sexual pleasure on a focal point. It puts off anxiety and introduces mind and body relaxation that ignites libido. When libido wakes up, all other systems are switched on.

jerinafrz's picture

The Catuba bark from catuba

The Catuba bark from catuba tree is used to produce libido boosters. Apparently the products synthesized are rare because they work on the nervous system jump starting the sexually weak and awakening the lowered libido due to stress. It is guaranteed for both men and women. Avena sativa popularly called Wild Oats does a similar task like Catuba; in addition it promotes delivery of testosterone hormone and tones the body to relax and activate sexual activity by increasing sensation of the organs and bringing about orgasm. Ginkgo Biloba excites the flow of blood to the walls of the vulva. This increase in blood goes hand in hand with nervous excitations bringing about better lubrication and promotion of libido. It also stabilizes moods that are known to go off once in a while. Dong Quai is a Chinese herb that stabilizes hormones and normalizes confused menstruation. It revives lost libido by raising estrogen levels, boosts blood flow to the genitals and vaginal dryness becomes a thing of the past.

jerinafrz's picture

The natural sexual stimulants

The natural sexual stimulants available are many and quite a big chunk come from plants or herbs; those derived from animals are few and rarely present. These enhancers work mainly as aphrodisiacs and deliver the much needed sexual boost with precision. Out of these herbs, have been produced many other finer compounds synthesized in form of tablets that are supplied in a much simpler form.

jerinafrz's picture

Sex stimulants are many and

Sex stimulants are many and varied; quite a number bring up libido and resuscitate the dead vagina walls to start lubricating again. The idea of using stimulants is one way of ensuring that you stay present; being active and ready to go wild all through. This is not a situation where you relegate matters of sexuality to another day or another hour; it is being in contact and moving with the current. You actively merge your feelings and talk straight about what is good for both of you.

jerinafrz's picture

The best herbs to increase

The best herbs to increase nitric oxide are - Ginseng, Horny Goat Weed and Cnidium. The herbs are completely free of side effects and work quickly to get you hard erections which last longer.

jerinafrz's picture

Nitric Oxide Boosts Levels

Nitric Oxide Boosts Levels for Harder Erections Which Last Longer
Nitric oxide opens the blood vessels of the penile tissue wider so they carry more blood into the penis and make it hard and many men simply cannot get an erection because they don't produce enough but the good news is production can be boosted without taking drugs.

jerinafrz's picture

If you want to enjoy optimum

If you want to enjoy optimum sexual health then you need to produce 2 natural substances in the body which are - Testosterone which is needed for a strong libido and nitric oxide which is needed by all men, to get hard erections. Lets take a look at how to increase levels of both of these substances with the best herbs for sexual health.

jerinafrz's picture

Here we will look at the best

Here we will look at the best natural sexual enhancers for men which will work, to help you achieve harder erections and also, increase sexual stamina at the same time. These herbs are safe natural and they work quickly abd they can be found in all the best natural sex pills for men - so let's take a look at how they work.

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