I never thought I'd write a blog about sex, but I'm noticing an interesting trend happening in the lives of many women right now. Between the movie Magic Mike and the book Fifty Shades of Grey, it seems as though women are becoming more open about their interest in sex. I think this is a good thing. Why? Because, as Dr. Lissa Rankin often says, having a rockin' sex life is an important part of our overall health - both mental and physical.

I've always been a huge proponent of women being open about their sexual needs and desires - and I've gotten into many conversations about sex (with both men and women) that would make almost anyone blush. I'm also a sex researcher and I've spent many years studying what makes couples tick.

So I figure that, after two years of blogging and eight years of researching, it's about time I wrote about this taboo topic.

First, I'm happy to see these types of movies and books becoming popular - even if they are relatively cheesy. I think many women still feel awkward about sex. The word "vagina" makes many of us cringe, and for some women, the mere idea of having sex with the lights on is terrifying. Some women are so ashamed of their bodies, needs, and desires (or lack thereof) that they turn sex into another task to check off their "to do" list. During the grand act, many women lay still, stay quiet, and hope it'll all be over with in time to watch Dancing With The Stars.

In fact, studies show that approximately 75% of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone (without the help of hands, toys, mouth, etc.), and 10-15% of women never reach orgasm under any circumstances. I want to make something very clear - I don't think this is the woman's fault or her partner's fault. It's no one's fault. But there are things both partners can do (whether you're in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship) to optimize your health by spicing up your sex life.

Tips For Sizzling Sex

1. Masturbate. Yep, I said it. Ladies, how can you expect your partner to know how to pleasure you if you don't know how to pleasure yourself? Womens' vaginas, while beautiful, are also complex. The clitoris is a bit of an enigma, especially compared to the penis, which doesn't need much of an instruction manual. Many women approach their bodies with a mix of fear and distaste - and most aren't even familiar with the basics of their own anatomy. Develop a relationship with yourself "down there." You need to learn what makes you tick - and then you need to ask for it from your partner.
    
2. Switch It Up. If you're involved in a long-term relationship, your sex life might be getting stale (or be completely non-existent). You might know your partner so well that you could name every mole, scar and freckle on his/her body. Your partner's needs might be so familiar to you that you can make him/her climax in 25 seconds. That's great - but sometimes you need to spice things up a bit. Studies consistently show that couples who do new/exciting things together report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Maybe you could role play that you're strangers, or book a getaway, or download a sexy movie. At the very least, you could try something other than missionary.
    
3. Get Comfortable. Do you know what's really sexy in a woman? Confidence. To me, the sexiest women are those who don't have a perfect body, skin, face, or hair - but who are confident in who they are. These women can rock a bathing suit even if they're 50 pounds overweight or their breasts are saggy or they just gave birth a month ago. These women exude an energy that is infectious and absolutely beautiful. Trust that your partner loves you - regardless of your shape or size. Instead of timidly turning out the lights and laying still while your partner does his/her thing, light some candles, throw on some lingerie and wake up the neighbors. I guarantee your partner will find you sexier than ever.
    
4. Be Open. One of the main things I've learned in the years I've spent studying romantic relationships is that communication is king. You can't expect your partner to know what you want sexually. You have to tell - or better yet show - him/her. Maybe you don't like it when your partner goes down on you, or perhaps you're interested in trying out a threesome. These types of discussions are uncomfortable for many people, but absolutely necessary. How can you expect to get your needs met if your partner doesn't know what those needs are? (If you don't even know what your needs are, refer to tip #1 above).
    
5. Let Go. Dr. Guy Grenier, psychologist and sex researcher, often says: "Sometimes you're in the mood for a nice, three course dinner. And other times you just want a Big Mac." His point? Not all of your sexual encounters have to be beautiful, romantic, drawn out scenes from The Notebook, complete with three hours of foreplay. Sometimes you might just want a quickie in an elevator - which can be equally as sexy. Let go of the need to have perfect sex all the time. Sometimes things just aren't going to go as swimmingly as you'd like.  For more tips on how to create a foundation for good sex, check out Dr. Grenier's book The 10 Conversations You Must Have Before You Get Married.

The Bottom Line

In the end, I'm not sure why Magic Mike and Fifty Shades of Grey became so popular. Maybe women are "coming out" about feeling sexually repressed in their relationships. Or perhaps women are becoming more comfortable opening up about their sexual needs. Either way, I'm glad to see more women speaking openly with each other about sex.

One of my friends said she heard the word "penis" seven times while waiting in line for Magic Mike. Now those are the types of conversations I like to see women having.

Bethany Butzer, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, researcher and yoga teacher who helps people create a life they love. Check out her book, The Antidepressant Antidote, follow her on Facebook and Twitter and join her whole-self health revolution here.