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For All The Childless Mommies On Mother’s Day
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, so let me start by sending out a great big whopping Happy Mother’s Day to those of you who are celebrating your fabulous mothers and whooping it up with your fabulous children. I’m sending you all my love and sending out three big WOOTs in hopes that you have a wonderful day.
But as much as I love you and wish you well, today’s post is not for you (no offense!).
As an OB/GYN, I know Mother’s Day can be a tough day for many women -- those who have been unable to conceive, lost pregnancies, had abortions, given their baby up for adoption, chosen not to reproduce, or wound up having that decision made by default. And if you’ve inherited children through marriage, you may feel sort of second fiddle to the biological Mommies, even if you’re the one making lunch for six kids every day while biological Mommy lives on her boyfriend’s yacht.
If you’re one of those women -- and if you are, you’re SO not alone -- Mother’s Day brunches, kids making hand-woven pot holders, and over-the-top flower displays at the local grocery store may leave you feeling…well…left out. Or maybe even teary.
But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to bear children to be a Mommy and you don’t have to be a Mommy to make the huge difference in the life of a child.
You Don’t Have To Bear Children To Be A Mommy
Maya
Take Auntie Maya. She has tried to have babies. In fact, she wants babies so badly that she has spent a gazillion dollars on in vitro fertilization, but no luck. But her tragic loss is SO my daughter Siena’s gain. In fact, my daughter WORSHIPS her. Every time a Saturday rolls around, Siena asks if we can go see her. And when we do, Auntie Maya spoils her with pony rides and Easter egg hunts and special treats in her killer kitchen.
Sasha
Sasha got pregnant three times -- and she lost all three babies before she made it to 12 weeks. Then she finally made it past 12 weeks, and at 34 weeks along, she contracted a rare bacteria called Listeria -- and her baby died inside. This was the last straw, and after licking her wounds and healing a very broken heart, Sasha decided to quit trying. She decided to raise dogs instead. So Sasha now has three dogs -- the number of children she once dreamed of raising -- and she dotes on these dogs like they are children.
Tricia
Tricia always thought she would have children- and she would have been a fabulous mother- but she gave her heart away to a man who couldn't give them to her. And then he left her, and by then, she was 46 and in the midst of menopause. So now she is Auntie Tricia to my daughter Siena, and when Siena is in the room, she is the center of Tricia's world.
Cammie
Cammie decided to be an adventure girl instead of a mother until she met a man in India whose wife had died, leaving him with four daughters to raise. Her love for this man outweighed her desire for adventure, so she switched gears and went from single, fun-loving travel buff to the chauffeuring soccer mom deserving of numerous gold stars.
Vera
And then there’s Auntie Vera, who survived breast cancer but had to have her ovaries removed very young to prevent recurrence. And now she’s married and she and her husband want children, but she won’t be able to bear any -- even with special procedures like egg donor IVF -- without risking a recurrence of her cancer. And she decided life is too precious to take that risk. So they’re planning to adopt, but that takes a long time. But Siena adores Auntie Vera, as does Vera’s precious niece Marie. Auntie Vera goes out of the way to make them feel special and empowered and connected. When she’s with them, she makes them the center of her world, and they ADORE her.
Lanie
Lanie knew early on she never wanted to bring a child into the world. It had nothing to do with how much she loves children. In fact, she’s a kindergarten teacher -- the best kindergarten teacher, many would argue. She mothers those children five days a week, but she enjoys going home and curling up with her cats, spoiling her nephew, and working on the novel she’s writing.
When A Woman Doesn’t Have Children, People look Askance
As far as I’m concerned, Maya, Cammie, Sasha, Vera, and Lanie are some of the best mothers I know, even though they don’t have technically have babies of their own, and Mother’s Day can be tough for women like this. When some people find out a woman doesn’t have children, they look askance. Maybe she’s just selfish. Maybe she’s frigid. Maybe she’s too self-absorbed to take time to do what “God intended women to do” (a-hem -- that’s me clearing my throat). There’s no easy way to ask women why they don’t have kids. Were they infertile? Did they never meet the right partner? Are they gay? Did they choose to pursue careers, rather than parenting?
Frankly? I think it’s none of their business and they should just butt out.
I was still childless at 35, and when people used to ask me why, I’d say, “I’m barren.” While not true, I didn’t feel the need to explain my complex reasoning for why I didn’t have kids. (In short, I was uncertain whether I wanted to be a mother. I was twice divorced and never wanted to parent unless I had a supportive partner. My career was demanding and my calling to serve the world was bigger than the calling from my uterus that begged me to reproduce. But they didn’t need to know that.)
I Could Have Gone Either Way
Now, a few years later, I’m a Mom. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But had the chips landed differently, that would have been okay with me. I was never one of those women who felt that they must be a Mom. I could have been happy either way. Had I not had Siena, I would travel more. I’d dote on my nieces and nephews. And I’d feel less torn between my calling and my child. And I’d be okay with that. But given that I have a daughter, I feel infinitely blessed.
Because my 5-year-old Siena is this amazing human being, people ask me all the time why I don’t have another. My answer is that I’m so busy giving birth -- to books, businesses, friendships, websites, communities…that I don’t want to divide my energy. I try to be fully present for Siena, but I still feel torn sometimes. In the end, though, I’ve made my decision: one is enough, at least for me.
Many struggle with similar issues. My single friends, especially those who are infertile or without partners who long to be Mommies, find Mother’s Day painful. It’s a reminder that they’re not living up to what society expects of them. Strangers ask. Parents nag. Friends bug. “Why don’t you have kids yet?” When I hear this I just want to wrap my arms around them and scowl at everyone sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.
How Do YOU Give Birth and Mother?
If this is your dilemma, I suggest you look at all the beings in your life that you DO nurture and help grow. I bet you’ll find lots of avenues your maternal instincts have enriched your life. Maybe you’ve given birth to yourself, your business, your creative project, your dog or your cat or your bird or your guinea pig. Maybe you mother your friends. Maybe you’re the favorite Auntie to many children. Maybe you’re the best step-mom ever. Or maybe you just give birth to your own soul.
Own it. When you spread your love and nurture the world -- in whatever way resonates with you -- it helps you heal, connect, and thrive. Just because it isn’t your child -- or even a human -- it’s love. And love DOES make the world go round.
As far as I’m concerned, you can be a Mommy, even if you’re childless. Ignore what others say. Don’t listen to your parents. Ignore your friends who tell you it’s the best thing they’ve ever done, and you’re missing out if you don’t do it. Baloney. Send the world to time out, and embrace the fact that you are a creatix of the world -- a Mommy in many ways. You can love, nurture, create, give birth -- without ever reproducing.
If you’ve tried to be a Mama, and for whatever reason you're not -- my heart is with you. You can be the world’s greatest Mommy anyway! And if you've chosen not to bear children and you're cool with that, more power to you! I totally support you. Forget what society says. Listen to your heart. Follow your gut. Be unapologetically YOU -- all the time. And tell the world (and your own mother) to go to time out. There are many ways to create, and you don't have to conform just to please your mother-in-law.
Either way, I support you. And I honor you. I love you.
And I believe you can be a childless Mommy.
This post is for you.
Happy Mama’s Day.
You deserve it.
Seeing the Mommy inside each of you,
Lissa
Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of OwningPink.com, Pink Medicine Woman coach, motivational speaker, and author of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.
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Many Types of Mothers
By Regina (not verified) on Tuesday, 07/12/2011 at 6:30 PMI stumbled upon this post a couple of months late, but wish to respond. My best friend and I were having this very conversation a while ago, and she reminded me that, although I've never had a child of my own, I am still a mom. I am a teacher and get to "mother" 125-130 teenagers (yep, high school) every year. While not mothering in the traditional sense, I do get to watch out for them, advise them, listen to them, and laugh with them over the course of one or two years. I have several nieces and nephews that I've doted on the past 17 years, and treasured every second with my cat, from kittenhood until his death last year at age 12. I've given birth to stories, photographs, newspaper pages, many meals, craft projects, presents and many more things. I'm now in the process of rebirthing myself, as I enter into this fabulously exciting time of menopause. Just because my body didn't produce a child, doesn't mean that I'm either barren or selfish. Children were simply not meant to come from me. Besides, I can hand them back when they're grumpy.
Dear Faith,
By Lissa Rankin on Wednesday, 05/11/2011 at 7:37 AMI second your voice of hope to the women on this forum! As an Ob/GYN, I have seen so many women who were told they can't get pregnant become mothers. I have learned to never say never...
I'm so happy you got to celebrate with your one year old.
With love
Lissa
Bless you
By Meg (not verified) on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 6:50 PMThank you for this post. I am 36 and have been ambivalent about having children for years; I love kids (especially my 10-month-old niece and 7-year-old nephew), but I also love the freedom I have. I also was never all that attached to the idea of going through pregnancy; I was fine with either adoption or being a stepmother. Now I'm dating a man whom I'm starting to fall for, but who doesn't want children at all. I have to decide what I want more: a child or children, or the life I have and this man who enriches it. It's hard.
Thank you
By Jenny (not verified) on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 6:36 PMThank you Lissa for posting. Silly made up holidays are serious memories or the absence of them for many, and I appreciate you celebrating other ways of being a Mom for those that don't have children or Moms, like me.
Or shouldn't have children for health reasons, or long lineage of mental illness, like me.
I hope & wish tonight that any loving woman who has the generosity of spirit & financial stability will consider adoption, fostering, teaching, mentoring, or a visit to your local animal shelter to bring a dog or cat into your Momheart and home.
Every Spring, if I can on Mother's day I plant Red Impatience on my front lawn where I have made a heart shaped Irish rock garden for her. My medicine. It is also medicine for all of my neighbors who enjoy the vibrant burst of colors throughout the stages of flowering which quadruples in September in Chicago.
Every day is Mothers Day!
♥
Happy Where I Am!
By KCLAnderson (Karen) (not verified) on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 2:27 PMI am biologically childless by choice, but became a stepmother to three 13+ years ago. They are all grown up now, ages 31, 28, and 25. For sure there were some hard times and moments when I felt like second fiddle, but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I very much feel that everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to and the role I play in my stepkids' lives was exactly the role I was meant to play. I am overwhelmingly blessed now with a grandson...how cool is it that I can become a Ya-ya without ever having been a Mom? Priceless!!
Thank you Lissa!!! A reminder
By Michelle Medina (not verified) on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 8:31 AMThank you Lissa!!! A reminder that mothering my cat and dog is just as important and makes me a Mommy in my own right was in order! *hugs*!!
Dear Chichi Kix
By Lissa Rankin on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 7:48 AMI'm SO sorry about the news of your infertility. Let me just say that- not to offer false hope- but as an OB/GYN, I can't tell you how many women's babies I've delivered who have told me their doctor told them they were infertile. I've learned to never say never. Miracles happen.
My heart is with you on this Mother's Day- and my prayer is that you will find healing- with or without children- and you will find romance with someone who loves children like you but loves you even more.
Peace and blessings, my dear
Lissa
I disconnected from my womanhood when I learned I was infertile.
By Chichi Kix (not verified) on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 7:41 AMOh Lissa.
I love my mother so much and while I choose to celebrate her today, I woke up crying at the thought that I may never have my own Mother's Day. I'm 27, and have recently been diagnosed as infertile after years of complications from multiple medical issues. My heart is broken is on many levels; and this Mother's Day has been especially emotionally taxing.
The "babies" that I fantasized about were real to me. I could close my eyes and feel their little heads on my shoulder, their tiny hands in mine, their smell. Losing them has been a profoundly painful experience; like a death. No one will ever ask to touch my pregnant belly, ask me how I delivered, give me unsolicited parental advice, or comment on my stretchmarks. I'll never hit the gym to lose my baby weight, go to mommy yoga or learn how to install a car seat. As a single woman, I feel ashamed having to tell dates that it's a no-go; I don't want to waste their time or mine. The ones that never wanted children are relieved, which turns me off. The ones that have always wanted children create emotional distance, which saddens me. All things considered, I would have rather learned about my condition while being in a supportive relationship: my insecurities overwhelm my ability to connect with potential partners and I don't think I can explore other options alone. In many ways, I feel as though I've lost my womanhood, something people don't consider when they learn you're infertile. It has much more to do with your sense of self than with your inability to bear children. The energy required to remind myself that I can still be a mommy and that it does get better is mentally & physically exhausting.
So, on this Mother's Day, I woke up crying and sad. This letter left me crying but hopeful.
Despite their best intentions, no one quite knows the right thing to say (and I forgive them when they say the wrong thing over and over). This was the right thing to say and it hit me hard and profoundly.
I've printed a copy of this post for my wall because the messages here are ones I need to hear over and over, especially as I heal my heart.
Oh Lissa. Thank you.
Hi - I was reading through
By Faith (not verified) on Wednesday, 05/11/2011 at 7:07 AMHi - I was reading through these posts and yours stuck out to me. I have been where you are and I am here to tell you do not give up!! I sympathize with you and the feeling of hopelessness, the feeling of doubt, the longing for the child, the harsh feelings towards pregnant women that deep in your mind you are angry that they are pregnant and you're not.... I understand all of that!!! I was told that I would never have children... I had been pregnant 3 times in a row within 3 years and lost them all in miscarriages. The 4th time I was pregnant, the doctor couldn't believe I was trying again... why had I not "learned" yet that I was not "able" to have children??? And to his belief, I was told yet again that I was going to have a miscarriage. BUT BUT BUT the follow up exam to confirm the 4th miscarriage actually found a heartbeat and I now have a one year old son!!!!!!! Please please don't give up!!!! It CAN happen!!!!!!! Keep the Faith!!!!!!! Praying for you.
Just wanted to tell you...
By Rachel A (not verified) on Sunday, 05/08/2011 at 7:27 PMYou will be in my thoughts and prayers... I hope that you will find a loving & supportive partner and that the two of you are able to create the family of your dreams, in one way or another. I've witnessed many women (friends & cousins) who thought they never would/could have children become mothers, some through fertility, others through adoption, others who were foster parents that led to permanent adoption.
I know you are still processing the recent news and will need time to work through thoughts and feelings. I have this strong feeling/belief/ conviction that "those who are meant to be moms... WILL be moms!" Maybe in unexpected or mysterious ways...
Maybe all of this is "saying the wrong thing" but I hope you can feel the genuineness of what I'm trying to express? Just best wishes for you to find peace and happy contentment...
Xoxo
Childless Mother
By Terri (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 10:15 PMThank you so much Lissa for sharing, it made my day. I am going through a divorce, it is pending. I still care about my soon to be ex-husband, but we could not live together anymore, because of his affairs and other major issues. Divorce is like a death, it hurts in the beginning, but it does get better. After I departed from my husband, I was happy in the beginning, but later I cried continueously for months. My ex-husband could not produce children, which was okay, because I still loved him no matter what the situation was.
I want a baby, but I want a nurturing partner, it is easy to have a baby, but I think you must also think ahead of time before having a baby. There are too many parents in this world that need a license before having children, if you know what I mean. I am a motherly person, I mother my sisters, nieces, nephews, friends, and pets.
My sisters are jealous of me, because I do not have children. I recently told one of my sisters that she is blessed. She said, "what do you mean?" I said, "You have a beautiful tree and when you grow old, you will not be alone." My sisters produced children early in teenage life, three of my older sisters are now grandmothers, they have a big tree. I always give my sisters small gifts and sweet flowers for Mothers Day.
My mommy died several years ago, I sure miss her.
My Mother produced seven children, she married my daddy when she was sixteen years of age, so all of my sisters copied her, they also married very young & produced a big family tree too, it is fun having a bunch great nieces, great nephews, nieces, and nephews.
Maybe in time I will find a nuturing partner and have a baby. Some women have babies when they are in their 60's, I think that is awesome.
All of my nieces, great nieces, nephews, and great nephews look up to me, they even cry if I do not spend more time with them, they are so sweet.
Mothering myself has become a way of listening to my deepest needs, and of reponding to them while I respond to my inner child.
I think the most enriched thing you can do in life is to give them what you did not have.
Respectfully Yours,
Terri
Important words & message...
By Rachel A (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 8:15 PMThank you, Lissa...
My younger brothers & I were fortunate to have our Aunt Jane when we were growing up. I used to sometimes wonder why she'd never had any children of her own bur never delved deeper or thought of asking (or even asking my mom). I suppose I just figured it was her decision & I also loved the way she spoiled us!
On either my 21st or 22nd birthday... I don't recall if it was when I was pregnant w my first son or when he was a few months old... Aunt Jane called to wish me a happy birthday and to share a story I had never heard:
She had been pregnant at the same time my mom was pregnant with me. She'd given birth (prematurely, I believe) to a baby girl before I was born. Her daughter had severe health problems and was never able to come home from the hospital. Her baby girl died at just a few weeks old.
In the moments Aunt Jane was sharing her story with me, I felt the past 15-16 years transforming in my mind... I gained a new understanding and a deeper love for her as I realized exactly what I meant to her: I was so close in age to her daughter, she watched me grow and doted on me (& then my younger brothers), knowing as I reached all those different milestones - sitting, crawling, walking, talking, kindergarten, adolescence, college, becoming a mother myself - that her daughter might have been doing those same things, if life had turned out differently.
I have friends who are sterile & have longed for their own children (& have become the most loving aunties/nannies/etc), friends who've known since childhood they never wanted to have children, and friends who remain undecided (& are accepting of their indecision).
I also have "motherless" friends & relatives & Mother's Day is also a bittersweet day for them...
Thank you for this post &, as usual, acknowledging the lives, choices, struggles, and joys of all of us, in our uniqueness and in our sameness! We all have human hearts & souls (is "human soul" an oxymoron?? ;-)
I think we need an Auntie's Day, a Stepmom's Day, Mothering/Birthing Day, etc.. to acknowledge the special nuturing relationships of "other mothers," to celebrate the women who give birth to other creations, to the women who know they weren't meant to have children, and so on - Thank goodness for all of us, right?? :-)
With love,
Rachel
Dear Anonymous Step-mom
By Lissa Rankin on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 2:01 PMThank you my dear. I'm sorry you've been struggling with infertility. And I'm so glad my words touched you. Thank you for being the healing force in the world I can tell you are. And on behalf of those step-kids and your friend's daughter, thank you for Mommying in your own way....
If you want to keep in touch, make sure you sign up for my newsletter. And yes, I would love to meet you one day.
Much love
Lissa
Lissa
You made my year
By Anonymous (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 1:28 PMInfertile, living with it but hate mothers day, I feel so left out, this helps so much, I'm a new step mom, and that's even more difficult, all I have in this world is my cat, and I'm all she has. Childless step moms I think r those who suffer the most, but who knows, your words help so much, I am also blessed that all kids usually love me and I am considered an aunt to my friends daughter, which is great. Hope u have a great mothers day, I will follow your work and I sure hope to meet u one of those days
You're welcome
By Lissa Rankin on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 11:47 AMThank you all for the sweet thanks.
And Amanda- I'm so sorry you haven't been able to fulfill your dream of being a mother. Don't forget to honor what you HAVE birthed in your life, but I know that doesn't take away the pain of not having chidren. Love and blessings to you, my dear.
And Wendy, KUDOS to you for celebrating yourself and all you've birthed. Having birthed two books and a baby, I told someone that birthing a book was MUCH harder than birthing a baby!
I will be celebrating you all on Mother's Day.
xoxo
Single Asian Neurotic Woman Responds
By wendy (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 11:36 AMThank you for your wonderful post! I think the definition of motherhood is so narrow in our culture. We value women who have had their own children but we often forget people who have birthed other things in their lives. I am spitting distance from forty and have never been married nor have I had a child. I do want to marry and have children but in the meantime, I've birthed some wonderful things. I've written, collaborated on the design and self-published two books. Believe me, the editing process of ten and a half months feels like labor! I've also been the aunt to a wonderful nephew who is now thirteen. My life has been truly changed by him. I would have been such a stuck up workaholic if it weren't for that little guy. And, I've connected with hundreds of students as a community college teacher. So, I plan to celebrate myself on mother's day and all the things I've been able to birth.
Thank you
By Amanda (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 11:14 AMI just wanted to thank you for this post. I sit here crying because I so yearn for a child. I have been trying to conceive since 1999 and it hurts so badly. I have too became mommy to pets in order to avoid that hole in my heart. It hurts so bad wanting children and seeing how easy it is for some as the ones like me sit and wonder what we ever did wrong to not be able to deserve the gift of a child. Thank you....
Thank You
By CR (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 10:44 AMI just wanted to thank you for this post. It was wonderfully written. I've never wanted to have children and have been given a lot more than dirty looks about it over the years, let me tell you. It's nice to see someone that understands not everyone can or wants to be a mother. And that there are so many other ways to spread the love and care we have in our hearts.
Thank you, Lissa!
By Pattie (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 10:33 AMThank you so much for this Lissa! It is true, the older you get the more people look at you funny when you tell them you don't have kids. Throw in that you've never been married and suddenly you're a troll. I was not put on this planet to have hundreds of children. I may have a dream of being the old grandma who's children fight over which house she goes to on Thanksgiving. As I get closer to my 41st birthday I'm starting to realize that dream isn't going to happen. I'm OK with that. I'd be in much worse shape right now if I had children. I might be locked forever in a relationship with a total jerk. I'm very happy that I'm not. I have MANY friends who don't want children, never wanted them and who are like me and have dreamed of them but for whatever reason, circumstance or biology, they don't have them. Our culture needs to accept that what is right for one person, isn't right for everyone.
Thank you Lissa!
THANK YOU!!
By Carrie (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 9:50 AMLisa - I cannot thank you enough for this post. I'm not a mom and I don't know if I ever will be... but I LOVE the kids who are in my life: my nephews, my cousins, my neighbors, etc... I love them all fiercely and I love being there for them. Sometimes I feel like I really have to defend myself because as of yet, I haven't chosen to have children. This has brought tears to my eyes, and it's so good to know that other people can acknowledge the caring, loving adult that I am that loves the kids in her life who belong to everyone else! I really appreciate this post!
Thank You
By Michelle (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 9:45 AMLissa,
As usual - you say what no one will. And I appreciate it.
I had a miscarriage and am currently single. A few years ago my clearing practitioner and I discussed ways I could be a Mom without biologically being one. And any time I'm feeling less than, I remember the list of things I wrote down that I can do to be an Aunt, or be nurturing to others. And it really does help.
-Michelle
Your welcome, Andy my dear
By Lissa Rankin on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 9:23 AMHugs
Lissa
thank you!
By Andygirl (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 9:07 AMI'm crying. thank you.
Chris, Kittie, Kate, and Auntie Pat
By Lissa Rankin on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 7:59 AMThank you all for the love you put into the world, even when you don't have your own children to bestow that love upon. I honor you- and am grateful for you- on this Mother's Day...
Thank you!
By Chris (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 7:49 AMThank you so much Lissa for this. I gave up trying to have children after the 5th miscarriage, and subsequent health problems. Instead, I knew I was meant to do something else so I pursued a career teaching people how to run community groups. I also trained as a Reiki master, aromatherapist and reflexologist. I adopt rescue cats. Maybe one of them will bring me a nice Mother's day gift - after all one brought me 3 bunnies on Easter Day! I'd have preferred chocolate ones though!
Before I hit the menopause I used to get cravings for my own child. "It doesn't get better as you get older" I used to tell my husband. Now I'm going through the change, I find I appreciate not having children more. It's not something you ever get used to, but now I'm at peace with the situation as I know I'm where I'm meant to be.
Thanks Lissa!
By Kittie (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 7:27 AMAs one of those childless people, who is still single without any prospects on the horizon...this was nice to hear. I have 4 dogs and they provide all kinds of unconditional love. I also get to be auntie to a lot of my friend's kids who all think I'm a personal jungle gym...which is cool, but some of them are getting really BIG!
I hope that I might meet someone wonderful and still have children, but the older I get the less it seems like a wonderful experience and more like a lot of work with no end in sight. Oh boy, did I say that about children...yes, cause I know my mother is still mothering me & my brother. If it should happen for me, it will totally be God's will cause it feels like that door is shutting slowly but surely before me. It makes me sad cause it's an experience that I want to have yet I know that I'm not the one in charge.
Thanks Lissa for making me feel a bit better about the hoopla of Mother's Day & the feelings of envy that crop up when I see my friend's beautiful children. I know that God has a plan.
Hugs to you & Happy Mother's Day too!
Kittie
Aunt Pat
By Anonymous (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 6:18 AMWe are blessed to have a childless couple in our family. My eldest brother married a gal named Pat who has a significant medical issue & despite loving children they chose not to have children. She claimed to have children of her own for many years, & with a giggle will tell you she sent them home every afternoon at 3. She is a retired 3rd grade teacher.
That's made for an Aunt & Uncle who dote on our large families. They've provided listening ears to neices & nephews, finances (often under the table) to the kids, a car, some tuition, moral support for children just stepping out in the world. Not to mention, hugs, kisses, chrismas parties, much needed phone calls & prayers...
They've been the alternate parents for 11 children & that's just on this side of the family (at least that many on her side of the family. We are so grateful. Thanks Aunti Pat! Happy Mothers Day.
Little Sis-in-law
Thank you so much for this.
By Kate (not verified) on Saturday, 05/07/2011 at 5:28 AMThank you so much for this. I'm infertile and wanted a child with all my heart. Not being able to have one broke my spirit for a very very long time. The past few years, happily, I'm recovering and learning to love and "birth" my own self. I'm not sure I would have reached this level of peace and contentment with a child. However... Mother's Day triggers all the old feelings of inadequacy and failure. Mother's Day and Christmas are the hardest days of the year for me, even all these years later. Thanks for the kind thoughts and the reminder to be even kinder than usual to myself.
And to anyone out there who may be in the middle of this struggle, my thoughts are also with you tomorrow.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha