Owning Pink Bloggers

Stop trying to control your life. The Universe does not need you to be in charge.

Be Less Sperm, More Egg

Lissa Rankin's picture

The night before taking the train from Connecticut to New York City for the next leg of my book tour for What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, I discovered that I was going to be in NYC for six days and that, basically, I wasn’t doing any book tour events the whole time. Unlike the first week of my book tour, when I was triple booked every day with college speaking engagements, book signings, and media engagements, my New York schedule was strangely and disappointingly open. In a city of 8 million people, I didn’t even have a single bookstore signing scheduled.

Now I’ve been to New York six times since March. I have peeps here. They’ve all been emailing and tweeting and Facebooking about how they can come support me on my book tour. And we didn’t have a single event scheduled. To say that this resulted in a bit of a meltdown is a bit of an understatement. It was more like a dark night of the soul.

I won’t get into the details of why this happened and who dropped which ball, but suffice it to say this was not what I expected. When I imagined the New York leg of my book tour, I was thinking I’d be on the Today Show and I’d speak to college women at NYU for the Ask The Girlfriend Gyno Q&A, and I’d do a book signing at some hip indie bookstore. I didn’t think I’d be sitting around for six days, twiddling my thumbs.

Rallying the Sisterhood

Suffice it to say, I found myself getting pretty swampy. Fortunately for me, I spent my first New York day with Regena Thomashauer at the Pussy Palace, the headquarters for Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. I told Mama Gena the whole story, and next thing I knew, she was mobilizing the sisterhood -- sending out an email, calling her media contacts, and reaching out to Dr. Christiane Northrup, a fellow Sister Goddess, OB/GYN, and author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, who wrote the foreword to What’s Up Down There? and has been mentoring me through this journey to help empower women and discover myself in the process.

Mama Gena was all fired up. She grabbed my hand and started marching down the street to the nearest bookstore, where she planned to demand that they put my book in the window and schedule a book signing for me STAT. She was thinking that, between she and Christiane, they would just call the powers-that-be on their speed dial and they’d have my NYC schedule booked up lickety-split.

While she and Christiane spoke, Regena nodded. And nodded some more. And then she hung up the phone and said, “Well, Christiane didn’t say what I expected her to say, but if you’re open to hearing this, I think I can help you.” I agreed to be open.

Less Sperm, More Egg

“Well,” Regena said, “Remember that Christiane is more sorceress than doctor. And remember that she cares about you. But here’s what she said. ‘Venus is in Scorpio, so we’re all in the underworld right now. But that’s not the only thing. Lissa is brilliant at DOING, but she needs to learn how to RECEIVE. Lissa needs to be less sperm, more egg. This is Lissa’s dark night of the soul, and while I might be able to help her, I don’t want to keep her from learning this lesson.’”

Christiane is RIGHT!

When I heard that, something in me just clicked. She’s SO right! When I get stressed out (and even when I’m relaxed), my tendency is to DO. But RECEIVE? Not so much. Sure, I write a lot about asking the Universe for what I need and I believe in Purple Kangaroos, but how many times do I fall back on my natural tendency to effort my way towards what I want? Uh, yeah. That would be me.

So I wrote a letter to Christiane and thanked her for her eggy wisdom.

She wrote back and said, “Of COURSE you are a do-er. There's NO WAY to get through a surgical residency if you're not. But then, in order to thrive, we find that what got us to where we are will kill us if we continue!! And you're coming up on the developmental stage where the doing will really bite you in the ass if you don't learn to receive.”

And that just grabbed me in the heart. YES! YES! And once again, YES! Bless you, dearest Christiane!

What No Longer Serves Me

DOING has been an adaptive mechanism for me. And at one point in my life, it served me well and allowed me to survive a traumatic education that gave me the gift of being where I am now. But this adaptation no longer serves me, and it’s time for me to let it go.

So I talked to Regena about it and that night, she invited me to join her Inner Circle (60+ women who really go deep into supporting each other and themselves). And it was exactly what the doctor ordered. And guess what the session was about? Yup. You guessed it. Learning to RECEIVE. Bless you, Regena for helping me put Christiane's lesson into oh-so-flowy, receiving action (uh..inaction).

Within 12 hours, five amazing things flowed my way. And what did I DO to make them happen? Absolutely nothing. I just floated around New York with my eggy energy, and I let the sperm come to me.

And since I decided to stop feeling victimized and start just deriving pleasure from whatever the moment has to offer, I’ve not only been receiving blessing after beautiful blessing, but I’ve been having FUN for the first time on my book tour. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

What about you? Are you so busy DOING that you don’t allow for the RECEIVING? Are you too much sperm and not enough egg? Can you have enough faith in yourself, the Universe, and the process that you can take a deep breath and just surrender?

Egging you and me on,

Lissa

n/a

Comments

Anonymous's picture

more Eggy

This is just what I needed to hear, because when I am stressed out I do tend to do more but if I can allow myself to be open and let stuff come to me this is much better, actually. I am breathing easier after reading this, I had never thought of the sperm energy being do energy but I can see that it is!
Thank you for this site. I love eggy energy love love .

Anonymous's picture

more Eggy

This is just what I needed to hear, because when I am stressed out I do tend to do more but if I can allow myself to be open and let stuff come to me this is much better, actually. I am breathing easier after reading this, I had never thought of the sperm energy being do energy but I can see that it is!
Thank you for this site. I love eggy energy love love .

Tracie's picture

I so know what you mean!

Learning to receive, and "inaction" are key aspects of Taoism. "Inaction" is called wu-wei, and while it doesn't have a very graceful English translation, the concept is this:

Imagine you're laying on your surfboard in the ocean. You can either paddle to shore (doing), lay there (not doing anything), or wait for the next wave and, when it comes, ride it in (wu-wei).

I have a big problem trying to force things and I'm constantly reminding myself of wu-wei. "Less sperm, more egg" is a lot more graceful on the tongue, though. Thank you, Lissa!

Megan Monique Harner's picture

Uh...

I (kind of) get it. But honestly, the first thing that came up is - how on Earth do I STOP 'doing?' I'm not sure that I know how.

Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul's picture

Wow

This is one of those posts that I feel was written for me personally. I feel like I'm in the in-between stage of where you were when you were in medical school and where you are now - having recenlty graduated from a hellacious five years of getting my doctorate, but still trying to establish myself - and thus am still deep in the DO/SPERM mode. I love the wisdom in this story and will take it to heart. I'm going to work on being eggy.

Linda Snyder's picture

Needed to hear this

Thanks, I needed to hear this today. Letting go and letting the joy in can be a struggle when things aren't rolling along at full speed. I am so often doing for others and pushing to get big results that it blocks the flow.

"Asking for help" is part of what I teach...I'm adding "Accepting what comes" to my toolbox and (this is the hard part) using it for myself as well.

Cynthia D Scott's picture

Luv it. Timeless wisdom!

Luv it. Timeless wisdom!

Kim Lampe's picture

What if you sat and said, "this is enough?"

When I read about your intern experience it made complete sense to me that it prepared you to execute on your plans to create a community for which to birth your book.

I am prepared to move away from a 23 year career in a male dominated world. I acquired tools used for pure profit and will use them to help women manufacture joy with repurposed tools. I will apply the tools to both the inside (personal) and the outside (business).

Imitating sperm for many years has left me limp and not so swimmy. Floating. Receiving. Focused Doing. Asking. That feels much better.

Doing serves you in doses. Over doing doesn't. Thank you for lifting the veil of mystery on this journey. It gives us strength and hope. You love and are loved.

Kim Lampe's picture

What if you sat and said, "this is enough?"

When I read about your intern experience it made complete sense to me that it prepared you to execute on your plans to create a community for which to birth your book.

I am prepared to move away from a 23 year career in a male dominated world. I acquired tools used for pure profit and will use them to help women manufacture joy with repurposed tools. I will apply the tools to both the inside (personal) and the outside (business).

Imitating sperm for many years has left me limp and not so swimmy. Floating. Receiving. Focused Doing. Asking. That feels much better.

Doing serves you in doses. Over doing doesn't. Thank you for lifting the veil of mystery on this journey. It gives us strength and hope. You love and are loved.

Kim Lampe's picture

I'm Enough

When I read about your intern experience it made complete sense to me that it prepared you to execute on your plans to create a community for which to birth your book.

I am prepared to move away from a 23 year career in a male dominated world. I acquired tools used for pure profit and will use them to help women manufacture joy with repurposed tools. I will apply the tools to both the inside (personal) and the outside (business).

Imitating sperm for many years has left me limp and not so swimmy. Floating. Receiving. Focused Doing. Asking. That feels much better.

Doing serves you in doses. Over doing doesn't. Thank you for lifting the veil of mystery on this journey. It gives us strength and hope. You love and are loved.

When you comment on an Owning Pink blog post, we invite you to be authentic and loving, to say what you feel, to hold sacred space so others feel heard, and to refrain from using hurtful or offensive language. Differing opinions are welcomed, but if you cannot express yourself in a respectful, caring manner, your comments will be deleted by the Owning Pink staff.