The uni-verse has certainly thrown me a lot of curve balls the past couple of years when it comes to love and romantic relationships and I certainly have learned so much about love and myself from all of them. I believe that life always brings us exactly what we need when we need it, and I also believe that all of my past relationships have truly prepared me to finally step into a place where I can feel a deep, profound love for another person and remain rooted in my connection with myself and the divine at the same time.
Just a few months ago, the most beautiful, angelic, loving, genuine, open, self-aware, caring, light-filled(and the list goes on and on) woman came into my life and knocked my socks off! I swear my heart skipped a beat the first time I saw her face and heard her voice. As our connection grew stronger and our hearts opened wider, I was gifted an incredible opportunity to finally, once and for all, change how I think, speak, and act when so deeply in love.
Looking back on my past relationships I realized that I never allowed love to develop slowly or naturally. I would always dive head first and try to jump ahead to the happy ever after part. I wasn’t interested in playing games, or even allowing feelings to grow organically. I knew what I ultimately desired and I wanted it now! I was an all or nothing kind of guy and felt like I had to be the one to make love happen. I was so intense and loved so big at times that I even scared off some girls on the first date.
As time went by I evolved in my approach to love and thankfully there were some brave girls who decided to dive in with me. I was the guy who would fall head over heels in love and it would become incredibly difficult to be in love and do anything else. The challenge was that I never felt like my love was fully matched and reciprocated by any partner I was with. But instead of shifting my approach and giving it time to breathe and grow on its own, I let the fear of losing the love drive me into doing whatever I could to make it last; holding onto it for dear life. This is how I gave away my power.
After another relationship ended at the beginning of this year I decided to go within, do some deep healing, and get really clear on why I was having trouble being patient with love. In this time of deep healing I realized that the reason I had trouble letting love grow organically was because I was afraid of not being loved at all.
When you do not remain connected to the love within yourself and the love of the divine while in a relationship with another, you can often feel desperate to be loved. And in all my past relationships I unconsciously looked to my partner to be my primary source of love and forgot to stay rooted in my own self love and love from the divine.
I was tired of understanding this concept but not seeing any changes actually occur in the way I was interacting and communicating in a relationship. I felt so ready for a true conscious partnership and it was finally time to stop the cycle and step into a whole different experience with love.
I was done with getting swept away by the fairy tale and the possibility and I most certainly no longer wanted to lose myself in love. I was ready to stop falling in love and RISE in love instead!
So when love came knocking at my door just a few months ago, I finally felt ready to greet it differently. My self-awareness was stronger than ever before, giving me the ability to re-program the old habits and patterns with a level of confidence I had yet to experience. I felt the old approach to love fading fast and it was incredibly liberating. I no longer looked for the relationship and my partner to be my one and only source of love. I remained deeply rooted in the love I felt for myself and the uni-verse each step of the way, and it was my daily practices (mindfulness, affirmations, checking in with my feelings, monitoring and shifting thought patterns and meditation) that kept me anchored in this new approach.
Every time I expressed my love for her, I mirrored it right back at myself. And the most beautiful thing of all was that anytime imbalance, impatience or attachment tried to creep in, I had the awareness to pick up on it before it spun out of control. Step by step, day by day I patiently let the love we felt for each other continue to grow and strengthen at its own pace, staying present and embracing the power of each new moment.
I can happily share with you today that this relationship continues to amaze me in every single way. I am more in love with her than I have ever been with anyone else, because I am more in love with myself. I realized that I can no longer be rejected or abandoned when the divine is my true source of love.
Loving a person is like loving a wave but loving the divine is like loving the ocean. The more you are anchored in the love of the ocean, the higher you can rise in love with the wave!
I finally see the true power in being patient with love and patient with life. I still dream of our possible future together but I no longer attach to it. I bring myself back to the present moment and let everything unfold in whatever way it is supposed to.
After all, the best things in life are always worth waiting for.
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