There is so much to explore in the female orgasm! Let’s keep going after exploring the head games (Part II) and masturbation (Part III). Actually, “believing” is kinda back to head games, but with a twist. Trust your body to know how to orgasm. Know that your own special brand of orgasm is yours and yours alone, and if you’ve found it, own it. If you haven’t, keep looking and believe you’ll find it. And you will!
I know this sounds kinda new-agey and goofy. "Just believe and it will happen!" Remember how I said women's sexuality is so mental? Well, while I was researching my own multiple orgasm, I learned this: sometimes you just have to believe you're going to orgasm and consciously perceive sensations that almost-an-orgasm-but-not-quite is the real thing. You know, you feel something -- a warm pooling or an excited little flare -- and half of your brain goes, "What the hell was that? Does that mean I'm turned on and going to orgasm?" The other half of your brain might not know the answer to that question, but tell it to go ahead and just scream YES! This engages my imagination, I imagine myself rising towards orgasm and pretty soon I’m there. Nine times out of ten this works for me to get a bit closer, or even over the edge.
I talked to another woman who said the same thing about female ejaculation. She had never done it until she knew it was possible. Once she knew it was possible, and normal, she was able to do it herself. When we spoke, she still hadn't managed it with a partner, but knowing that was possible too gave her the courage to try. I bet she's managed it by now.
Seriously, when you feel your body react, just put your mental judgment aside and push yourself a little farther to see what happens. Believe there’s more sensation there to be had and there will be. I’ve had many of my most intense orgasms this way – as a complete surprise to me!
Here’s how one reader put it, which I think totally rocks. “I learned what felt good, and what felt better, and THEN I went one step further, and when I thought I was done, I kept going, and guess what...it got better, and I've learned multiples.”
I think this interesting twist to the female orgasm is due to the fact that our bodies are so rich and varied, that it takes us time to learn what our sensations and feelings really mean. We have no instruction manual, and frankly hormones and biorhythms tend to make every time different anyway, which means we get to write our own instructions every time we do it. So do it! Put the label "orgasmic" on every sensation you don't really understand but love the feeling of and follow where it leads. I'm betting it leads you somewhere fantastic.
Remember the post that said women could orgasm from ten different types of stimulation, including purely mental experience? Reading that really freed me to imagine that anything is possible. Since then I've managed to come in positions that had never done it for me before, simply because I knew it was possible and followed the sensations, believing they would feel better than they had before... and they did. Doesn't happen every time and is anything but predictable, but I swear it works. You just have to get your doubts and little voices telling you you're wrong out of your head. Try it. You can always invite the worries back if you really miss them, but I'm betting most of us won't. (In my next post, we'll take these issues on more fully.)
What about you? Have you ever believed an orgasm was impossible and then changed your mind to find that that shift in attitude made all the difference? What beliefs have you let go of that no longer serve you in exploring and owning your sexuality? Any secrets to share? Anonymous comments welcome.
Researcher of WTF? Questions You'd Ask Your Sex Therapist If Only You Had One? Got a question? Ask me! (Twitter @JessieFano)
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