Welcome back Syda Renai to the Pink Stage in honor of yet another Pink Posse Saturday. You first met Syda when she shared how Twitter led her to transformation. She is here now to share more of her brilliant wisdom on the choices we make. Take it away, Syda! -- Megan Monique

Everything will get... easier?

I recently read a post on Facebook from my young teenage cousin that read, “Everyone says that life will get easier. What I want to know is, when?” A friend suggested that, “They just say that. It never does.”

I began to think about my life and whether it is easier. I wondered if my life is better than it once was -- which was my cousin’s true question.

During my childhood, joY and innocence were short-lived. I was sexually molested by my step father when I was five. The same year a babysitter decided it was appropriate to force me to watch sex acts and beat the living crap out of me because I couldn’t find my dress shoes. While my mother tossed my step father to the curb and fired the babysitter, she wasn’t interested in how these events would shape me -- and chose to sweep them under a rug of denial. We never spoke of these events again.

My teenage years would bring three suicide attempts before discovering that I was apparently a product of rape. As you might imagine, my life went into a tailspin. I dove into a pool of self pity, armed with "proof" that I was worthless, unwanted and unloved. I was also being led to understanding. Suddenly the dynamics of my relationship with my mother all made sense. I knew why she didn’t love me. I knew why she wasn’t affectionate. I began to know and understand a lot of things about my extended family and myself. The pool of self pity morphed into a pool of resentment that, honestly, I still wade through from time to time.

Queen Of Denial

As a young adult I carried with me the idea that things happened to me. I had no choice. It was their responsibility to apologize; not mine to forgive. I had become arrogant, selfish and bitchy. I complained a lot. (Yeah, sometimes I still do.) The world owed me. When it came to relationships, it was always his responsibility to make me happy. I had no control over myself, how my life would pan out. I was the queen of denial. Sometimes I still am. I’d tell my stories because I wanted someone to feel bad for me, take care of me, and fix me.

As you can imagine, this manner of thinking wasn’t working. I wanted to be happy but I didn’t know how. I wanted to heal, but had no idea where to begin. Over the years as I became open to healing, I met some incredible people who guided me to books, ideas, perspectives and a journey of healing -- by asking questions and slapping me upside the head when I needed it! (Yes, sometimes I still do.)

The further along the path I travel, the more my perspective on life changes. But there seems to be one key idea that I keep running into along my journey: C-H-O-I-C-E-S.

“It’s not a choice if you can’t change it.” –sYda

I cannot change the facts surrounding my life experiences. I can’t change what my stepfather and others did to me. I cannot control what other people do or say to me. I cannot force my mother to be who I want her to be. I cannot hog-tie my husband and demand that he make me happy. Nope. I can’t do any of that -- but I can choose my perspective. I can choose how I see the world. I can say "No” to negative, toxic people and that which does not serve me. And I can choose to say “Yes” to opportunities and positive thinking!

I cannot change the weather, city rush hour traffic or what time the bank opens. I can, however, choose how I will react to these events. I can plan my errands at a more convenient time. I can take a different route or I can choose to have a private party and car dance. I can choose to wear a coat when it’s cold, stay indoors when it rains or splash in the puddles like a little kid. I can choose to bank online, use an ATM or pull out a credit card.

It’s not a choice if you can’t change it because you always have the choice to change. The second you choose to change how you see something…it changes.

Choosing To Be Present

My life is no easier or better than it was. Life still surprises me on occasion with a dilemma or a loss that I don’t recall "asking" for. “Stuff happens.” The difference now is that I have chosen to stop asking, “Why? Why me?" I choose to be as present as I can be in the moment. I choose to believe there is always a purpose, a divine reason for the challenges I face and have faced. I choose to believe that life is only as painful, hard and difficult as I choose to make it. Sometimes I still do. I choose to believe that there is an opportunity hidden within every challenge even when I don't recognize it right away.

I’m all about choices now. Does it mean I make all the right choices? No. Does it mean that I always remember that I have a choice? Nope. Does it mean that I see the opportunity in every situation? No, certainly not. Lucky for me I have a journal and a friend who need whisper only one word in my ear to set me straight while I am ranting, raving, whining, complaining, or judging…

”Choices.”

Do choices bring you options? Or, do options give you choices? What childhood beliefs have you chosen to release? Do you view your life as easy, or hard? Does life get better? Or, do you get better at living it?