Owning Pink Bloggers
Can You Be Authentic At Work?
I’ve been pondering something lately, and I’d love to start a discussion about it. I’m dying to know how hard it is to be truly authentic in a bureaucratic business world.
Do you work on Wall Street, in a law firm, or somewhere in corporate America? Do you have a job with the military, in academia, in the government, or anywhere else where policies, rules, procedures, and conformity tend to override individuality, authenticity, and original thinking?
If so, how have you managed to integrate your authentic self with the restrictions of your job? Have your efforts to bring the REAL YOU to work benefited you professionally? Or have they held you back?
I’ve never worn a blue suit in my life. But as a doctor, I have worn a white coat and spent 12 years in academia, so I know something about all this.
Questioning Authority
As I was writing my Get Out of Your Own Way e-course, I recalled one instance from my residency at Northwestern, when my career was still subject to the evaluations of my teachers, and when I felt pretty powerless to bring my authentic self to work.
My male MD teacher and his buddy were hanging around bantering about how hot all the female residents in our program were (they said as they eyed me up and down like a piece of meat). Then they started spouting off about how inappropriate it was that some of us hotties dressed in ways they considered too sexy for doctors.
Doctor Sexist told Doctor In-Heat about how the University of Chicago had instituted a dress code for the female residents because some of them were “wearing things women should only wear in bars” to the hospital. So the hospital nipped that in the bud and implemented a rigid standard of dress. No V-neck blouses. No skirts above the knees. No slits. Nothing sleeveless or strapless, even under a white coat.
They said all this right in front of me, as if I was invisible. Then, when they were done talking, they winked at me and my junior resident, before walking away.
My authentic self went ballistic. Although I usually dressed in what I considered very professional clothes, respecting the doctor-patient relationship and the sanctity of my job, I thought the whole thing was bullshit and didn’t waste any time ranting to my junior partner and the nurses who watched the whole exchange as it went down. Who were these dudes to dictate what I should or shouldn’t wear? Why are bureaucracies always trying to milk ever last ounce of sexuality out of professional women? My junior resident, also female, felt equally outraged, so we conjured up a plan.
The next day, she and I conspired to show up wearing the sexiest outfits we could muster. I wore 5 inch black pumps and a dress that covered my bum, but barely. She wore a dress so low cut you wanted to lick her cleavage. Dr. Sexist and Dr. In-Heat showed up on rounds, and we stood there defiantly, striking a pose in front of them while all the nurses cheered and we stared the doctors down with “Don’t fuck with us” eyes.
Dr. Sexist looked at Dr. In-Heat and shook his head. “You just had to do it, girls, didn’t you?” He chuckled, while Dr. In-Heat leered.
Everyone watched to see what would happen.
Dr. Sexist said, “Very funny. Now go change, girls.”
We shook our heads.
And that was it. We spent the rest of the work day prancing around in our crazy outfits, eliciting stares in the OR locker room, but nobody forced us to change our clothes, and there was never another word about dress code at my university.
For the rest of our rotation, Dr. Sexist and Dr. In-Heat treated my junior resident and I with a new sort of respect. Most residents were so terrified of pissing them off that they kissed ass every chance they got. I think they genuinely valued our moxie, and, in addition to our excellent surgical skills, stellar patient care, and outstanding clinical judgment, it earned us good evaluations.
What About You?
My experiment in bringing my authentic self to work, even when it went against the grain, actually elevated my position in my business life.
But I know someone else -- a sex blogger who had been blogging under a pseudonym -- who came out about her real identity and got canned from her bureaucratic job.
My Theory
I genuinely believe that if we allow our authentic selves to show up in business, we will prosper professionally -- at least in the long run. The sex blogger is now on a mongo book tour, raking in the kudos and the money, even though it meant losing her day job.
I teach my Pink Medicine coaching clients my theory -- that being unapologetically who you are at work will allow you to shine your radiant light, so others will notice it and help you thrive professionally. And if they don’t, then it’s a bad fit for you anyway, and you’re probably better off somewhere else. It all comes down to how much you’re willing to suck up who you are for the sake of job security. And how much you’re willing to risk to feel the joy of letting your freak flag fly, not just on Saturdays, but every day.
Like I said, I'm writing about this very issue in the Get Out Of Your Own Way e-course I’m developing. (If you’d like to sign up for the free mini e-course, you can do so here!) So I’d love to get your feedback about this subject.
The Difference Between Bureaucracies & Entrepreneurship
While I’m still researching how authenticity merges with the business world, I’m 100% certain that being ALL YOU, ALL THE TIME will help your business if you’re an entrepreneur. Whether you’re selling products or services, you’re trying to reach individuals, and if you can relate to them from a place of truth and wholeness, you will attract the perfect clients who are an exact match to you and your business. If you pretend to be something you’re not, you’re guaranteed to have a disconnect. At least that’s what I believe.
What do YOU think?
I want to hear from you! Am I completely off base? Is it impossible to bring your authentic self to your business? Do you feel safe to bring your authentic self to the boardroom? Have you had positive, affirming experiences when you’ve tried it? Have you been burned? Do you know others who might insight into this?
Do share, please!
Unapologetically ME in business and life,
Lissa
PS. The photo in this post was another form of rebellion from my authentic self. People in the publishing world kept asking me to take a photo of myself in my white coat -- only I never actually wear one. So this was my compromise. My red silk dress -- and my white coat. Take that!
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I love this conversation!
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 3:07 PMThank you all for chiming in! Susan, great to hear your voice in this discussion. It IS a juicy topic, eh?
May we all figure this out so we might help teach others not to cut off parts of themselves when they go to work.
Much love
Lissa
Whoa- I have so much to say!
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 9:04 AMI'm gonna spend all day on this blog alone if I don't shut off my computer!
Elsah- I hear you. The whole first module of my Get Out Of Your Own Way e-course (http://www.owningpink.com/getoutofyourownwaylissamanifesto.html) is exercises in getting to know your authentic self. If you don't know who you are, how can you bring that part of you to work?
And Lisa- I get where you're coming from. I too am a professional artist- and a doc- and for years, I didn't tell my art dealers I was a doctor because I didn't want them to think I didn't take my art seriously. And I didn't tell the docs I was an artist, because i was afraid they wouldn't "get" it.
But I wound up feeling fragmented and longed to integrate. I finally confessed to my art dealers what my "day job" was (they were shocked) and I invited the people I worked with at the hospital to an art show (they were impressed). I felt so much better being WHOLE, integrated- rather than splitting myself into WORK/ART.
Not to say that approach would work for you, but what if you could be ALL YOU at work? What would that feel like?
Is corporate corporeal?
By Dr. Susan Bernstein (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 1:22 PMOooh, what a juicy discussion!
I work with people in reinvention and renewal. Many of them want to follow my path, which was out of the corporate world. Just today, I saw a client and asked her about her energy drains at work. Numero uno: Sitting all day. And in the next breath, she said, "But that's just part of corporate life."
Often, that's true. Logging tons of hours in front of a computer, in cubicle-land, under fluorescent lights, in recycled air, in a high rise, wearing a suit (thankfully, we're all getting more casual, so that's not always true) is just not natural. I find it TOTALLY ironic that the word "corporate" derives from the word "corporeal," which means "to be in the body."
Well, lots of corporate environments make it tough to be in our bodies, fully owning our power, being fully authentic. It's not that being authentic, in and of itself, is bad or wrong. I think it's fantastic. But the challenge in the corporate world is to gather and sustain the energy to do that in the face of misaligned corporate incentives that spark some people to become fierce or defensive or irritable. Like sales people who want to make their quotas, so they "bark" at the sales support staff to work faster. That behavior is a smack across the face to authenticity, in my book. Or managers who have a performance target and they demand that their staffs accomplish tasks in unbelievable time lines so they can get their year-end bonus. They aren't being authentic about what they believe can be accomplished, just greedy. If they were truly authentic, they might push back to their management about the goals and incentives. There's a lot of energy needed to make it happen. It's not that it's impossible! Yet I think we have to be up for the effort.
I do believe in people standing up for themselves, and being as strong as possible. But sometimes, corporate cultures are very strong, and it can be challenging to be one person bucking the tide. Some people have the gumption and the chutzpah to do that without such action taking a toll. But not everyone.
My personal experience in the corporate world was that I was actually told to turn off my authentic intuitive, sensitive abilities. I worked in management consulting, which can be incredibly cerebral. To me, that's disconnected. On one client project, I sat in my first meeting with the managing partner, listening to what was happening at this retailer. After the meeting, the partner asked me for my "read" on the meeting. I started talking about how I could tell we'd have trouble with certain people on the client project. I read all the signals that said they didn't like each other. It was so evident in their body language. But the partner chastised me and told me I should focus on the bottom line, and what was happening with revenues and processes and...just to ignore the people stuff. So I stuffed those talents. Thankfully, I've regained them, but that re-integration was not free from the challenge of trying to "buck up" and fit into the corporate world, as I'd experienced it. Ugh...
I much prefer the work I'm doing now, guiding people in reinvention in an embodied way (I help them create their "work from within," which is also the name of my company) where my head is part of the equation, but my heart and gut have a voice, too. And they get to be louder, which I enjoy.
So, to me, the bottom line is to know what fits for you. Not where you fit yourself in, but creating your "work from within," starting by listening to yourself and knowing what you need. And if an environment doesn't fit you, despite trying to be your authentic self, for months and months, commit to moving away from that place and moving toward what fits you better. I live by the Work from Within philosophy, which keeps me standing up for myself. (http://www.workfromwithin.com/about/philosophy/)
Authentically yours,
Susan
Great insights
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 1:39 PMSusan - Love your story about being told to shut down your intuitive abilities. I think we all have a few of those. In my own experience, I wasn't told that directly as much as my bosses and colleagues would just look at me like I'd started spilling gibberish out of my mouth when I spoke of the subtle forces at work in our business. I took it upon myself to learn their language and to succeed in their world - for a while. Then I found my abilities helped them more from the outside and now I walk a parallel path with the corporate world as my client base (non profits and government too, but they're just as challenged). So glad you're out here helping people tap into their inner guidance and so glad you're standing for yourself.
Kudos, Dana!
By Dr. Susan Bernstein (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 2:39 PMLove that you're walking the parallel path. I hold out lots of hope for the corporate world knowing you are there with your big heart to support the well-intentioned people working in those environments. Keep shining the way you just naturally do!
Much love!
Susan
Bless you Dr. Tomi!
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:58 AMThank you so much for joining our conversation!
I especially love what you said here;
3. Know when we are speaking authentically, and not through the language of our wounds. So many of us are wounded from the events of life, and it colors the way we see the world. Thus, when we speak, we speak through the language of the wound and not from our authentic self. It takes great courage to unravel the wounds and stories we have to find the true me. Not many of us want to invest in that journey.
This SO resonates with me personally. As an MD who left medicine (its own sort of bureaucracy), I find myself at odds with the system, and at the same time, I feel called to help change the system in some way. So I find myself longing to speak out- and yet, I also realize that much of what I want to say stems from my wounds, not my true authentic self.
I am working on healing the wounds I suffered in the system, so I can distill it all down to the thread of what I love about medicine- so that I might remind my fellow docs why we went into medicine and what we were called to do.
Such a good reminder. Heal the wounds. Get clear on who you are at the core of your Inner Pilot Light. And then take the risk and speak your truth.
Amen!
Been there, too!
By Dr. Tomi Bryan (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 1:13 PMLissa, I honor the heroine's journey you are on to become the wounded healer. I love this Robin Sharma quote: "World class human beings turn their wounds into wisdom." That is what you are doing.
I have to chuckle at how many of us are "recovering" from another profession. I am a recovering lawyer. I found it difficult to live my truth in that profession. Doesn't mean others can't. Like you, I also find myself wanting to find ways to heal that profession.
Thanks for sharing so openly.
Love and light,
Tomi
Work is Work and Me is Me and Never the Twain Shall Meet
By Lisa Klow (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:57 AMMy answer is no. I'm an artist, but have always had to take admin (secretarial) jobs to support myself. I don't even want people at work to know I'm an artist, because I don't like to talk art with people who don't know anything about art. I tire of the ignorant comments, disparaging remarks about modern art, etc. Or remarks about my art: "What's THAT s'posed to be?!" People who work in offices tend to be conservative and close-minded. Usually in any job I've found just a few like-minded individuals, and we gather to commiserate and talk about our real lives, whatever they may be.
We just moved and I'm looking for work, and I'm a little uneasy that someone may Google me, peruse my blog and be offended by my recent artwork. (I made a pussy out of velvet.)
The corporate world is only interested in the work it can get from you. The solution is to find a way to do what you love and get away from that environment. I'm working on that. But I need a job to pay the rent and bills, so I have to wedge myself into that role. Then I come home and be the Artist.
I am very good at what I do, unfortunately. Lissa, wasn't it during that teleseminar - didn't Danielle say something like: Be careful what you are good at, it's what you'll end up doing?
p.s. I'm constructing a second velvet pussy for the cover of my copy of your book. No offense, but I hate the title and the cover. My first altered book. But I loved the content.
Fragment
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 12:53 PMLisa - I get this. I'm not an artist, but I have creative abilities I didn't let out for a looooooooong time and kept the bifurcation in my life too - for all the reasons you mention. I respect your choice for separation. I will only offer two thoughts. 1-There are corporate and bureaucratic places that do not require such total separation - but you won't find them if you're not looking for them. 2-The Universe has a funny way of giving use the world we believe in. If you believe there is no place for you to work where you can let your artistic self come out to play, then of course there won't be. You're in transition. Why not run an experiment and look for places that don't require you to shut yourself away so fully? Look for that needle in a haystack and see if you can find it. Doesn't mean you won't look for some other "good paying hay" but what do you have to lose by asking around and seeing what you can find? I LOVE that you're reconstructing the WUDT? book cover. What a way to own what you love!
Start with yourself
By Elsah Cort (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:54 AMThe outer world is a reflection of the inner one. When your workplace or job description is pressing you to "fit in" and does not welcome your authentic you, you could start by examining what parts of yourself are doing the same thing. The motivations of the powers-that-be, that want to have complete control over its employees, can originate from a wide range of sources--from all out greed and disregard for how workers get the business done, to just simple fear of innovation or anyone rocking the boat.
Individually, we do the same thing with ourselves. We are not happy, sustained in spirit or heart, or excited about our work, but we may be comfortable with our routine and afraid of rocking our own boat. We stay with our deep discomfort just to keep our surface comfort in place. This is even more widespread today, as the fear of not having any job is not just paranoia with the present economic upheaval. Fear is a main motivator in dampening authenticity.
Authenticity is being your real, ever-changing, not perfect self. Get to know this self first, deep inside. Have inner conversations with yourself. You can even do this out loud. Ask yourself questions. Pay attention to the honest answers. Be compassionate and kind, but always support the truth. Don't let yourself get away with being a fake you. As you practice being this authentic self with yourself, you will find it easier and more natural to bring it to all aspects of your life, including your work place.
And remember, there are others who want to bring their authentic selves to the work place, who are working right by your side. Nurture authenticity in yourself and offer support to your colleagues, for them to be authentic, too. Let it become contagious.
Beautiful advice
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 12:56 PMElsah - gorgeous comment. thank you so much for sharing. I love your last point, to remind us that EVERYONE has dreams and hopes and desires to be authentic. if we're in an environment that doesn't acknowledge or reward that then of course our co-workers - and bosses! - are sharing our frustration. Being contagious is the perfect strategy.
You Can Be Authentic!
By Dr. Tomi Bryan (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:49 AMLadies, what a great discussion and thanks for inviting me in via Twitter! You can be authentic in a bureaucratic workplace.I have seen it via the 360 results of clients, even those in the Federal Government (and that is about as bureaucratic as you can get). Being authentic is a by-product of three things that most of us struggle to do: 1. Have no fear - bureaucracy is about safety so it is hard to make the choice to speak your voice and not worry about your safety. 2. Discernment about when to speak your voice. We don't need to respond to everything or take up every cause or correct every wrong. We must discern when to stand up for what we believe in and when to let issues ride. And once we make that choice, no longer carry it forward with us. I often hear people lamenting days later that they shoulda, coulda, woulda. That is just a waste of precious energy better spent in this moment. 3. Know when we are speaking authentically, and not through the language of our wounds. So many of us are wounded from the events of life, and it colors the way we see the world. Thus, when we speak, we speak through the language of the wound and not from our authentic self. It takes great courage to unravel the wounds and stories we have to find the true me. Not many of us want to invest in that journey.
So yes, we can be authentic in any setting. The question is are we willing to do what it takes - put ourselves at risk. You may find that you can't do that within your current organization, but that is a choice that should be made only after speaking authentically from the heart, not the wounds. Thanks for letting me throw in my 2 cents worth. Best, Dr. Tomi
I agree
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 12:58 PMDr. Tomi - So much truth and wisdom in your words. Thanks for sharing them. I especially love your comment about discernment. I said something similar below, which is that there is a different process we go through to discover our authentic self than it is to express it. Both are important but they are not the same. Discovery includes finding and healing those wounds you refer to, and it's easy to create collateral damage without trying. Discernment is an important process to keep what is important, whole, and to release what we no longer need. And it is an unending process and life journey. Thank you for adding your wisdom here.
Collateral Damage
By Dr. Tomi Bryan (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 1:19 PMDearest beautiful Dana, your words "collateral damage" rang a bell for me. What great words, and something we often forget. There has been so much collateral damage in my wake as I sought to find the I that as me. Mainly because I was insensitive to others emotional needs (ouch!). Thank goodness for forgiveness!
Have a lovely day,
Tomi
Mistakes as teachers
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 1:33 PMDr. Tomi- Yes, mistakes are our greatest teachers and forgiveness a too-oft unappreciated power. I'm glad you've rounded the corner and are now offering so much good wisdom and advice to others. I'm trying to do the same!
The cliff
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:09 AMCarrie,
I was right where you were 5 years ago. I had spent 12 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars investing in becoming a doctor. Then I became a full partner as an OB/GYN in a big group. And after 8 years of practice, I discovered that I just wasn't the same person anymore. And what worked for others just wasn't working for me.
SO after much deliberating, a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of fear, I stood on that cliff- and leaped.
It's not for everyone. It hasn't been an easy journey. But I can honestly say I'm happier than I've ever been and the pieces are all falling into place. I wrote about the whole journey and all I learned in the process in my Get Out Of Your Own Way e-course here:
http://www.owningpink.com/getoutofyourownwaylissamanifesto.html
It's been quite the journey, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Have faith in the process, love. You can do this- no matter what you decide to do. Let your Inner Pilot Light lead the way...
Great advice, Dana
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:34 AMI tell my clients- those who are unhappy but have chosen to stay within the system- to do everything they can to bring their authentic selves to work (keeping in mind that certain authentic behaviors may result in termination!)
The goal of this is to bring peace to work, so that your authentic self doesn't feel constantly compromised and you don't feel like you're selling out your integrity.
Doing so may crystallize things. You may realize that people are actually more receptive to you when you're bringing your whole self to work- in which case you may choose to stay because you're so much happier and value the stability.
Or it may make it crystal clear that you can no longer stay because you find resistance at every turn when you bring your Inner Pilot Light to work...
It helps though- either way.
Great guidance, love!
Be Your Dream
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:12 AMCarrie - I SO feel your stress and discomfort. It's so hard to change the system and survive (it feels like) in an atmosphere that is so disrespectful of you, your dreams and all possibility that gives you hope. I had to quit jobs 3 times before I "got free" and tapped into my purpose. My path hasn't been an easy one and I don't recommend it for everyone but there are two things I learned that might help you now. (1) Allow yourself to start dreaming NOW. Take a long weekend, or just set aside time in the evenings or mornings or on your daily walk to start imagining the life you want to live and what role your job plays in that. Shove aside all the noise your little mind throws at you and feel what that dream feels like. Write it down and play with it. (2) Imagine what you will be like in that new world/new job. Calm. Peaceful. Decisive. And then just be that now in your current job to the extent you can. Stop pushing back and just BE. When you do it, you'll notice people (above, below and around you), react differently to you. Your situation might even start to change right where you are.
I know this is much harder than it sounds. I still work at it daily. Here is a post on Owning Pink I wrote about it. https://www.owningpink.com/blogs/owning-pink/put-your-true-purpose-your-...
Good luck and keep us posted.
Lissa-thank you so much for the shoutout! VERY much appreciated!
Great ideas
By Carrie (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:42 AMThank you, Dana. I agree that I need to change my attitude in current situation. Even if my situation changes in the future, I'm here now and need to do what I can to be at peace in it. But, boy, that is so much easier to write than it is to do. I'm going to try though and see what happens. Meanwhile, I have a lot of work on my dreams. What happened to my dreams? I sometimes wonder if ever had any. I know I wanted to drive an ice cream truck when I was a kid. Pretty sure that was just because I liked ice cream and wanted to drive though. =)
Thanks again,
Carrie
Not just attitude
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:48 AMCarrie - I read your comment to Lissa. Your dreams have a right to change over the course of 10 years! I hope they do. What happened to them? They're still there, just waiting for you to ask what happened to them. I bet you'll be getting answers all weekend:) the fact that you feel it's time to leave really gives you the freedom to just BE the way you want to BE at work. What do you have to lose if you think you might be ok leaving anyway? It's more than attitude, it goes to the very core of who you are. Be the person that is worthy of the new dreams coming at you. I'm so excited for you I could just pop. I can't wait to see what your new ice cream truck looks like!
I hope you're right about
By Carrie (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:57 AMI hope you're right about getting answers all weekend! I could use some insight. I'll be as open as I can to anything comes through. And at the same time, I'm trying to ignore my fears that I'll get nothing. =)
Ice Cream
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:12 AMCarrie - I'm SURE you'll get insights. you already have. you remembered your ice cream dream. some of that is still alive in you and the chilly dessert arose in your memory to remind you of it. so tell your fear to take a hike, the whispers of your dreams have already started - despite them! just remember that sometimes they come in odd forms - looking like ice cream trucks for example. what do you love about that? being in charge of your own daily routine? giving joy to children? breathing fresh air on a daily basis? just ask the questions and the answers will appear.
Holy moly...your questions
By Carrie (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 8:29 AMHoly moly...your questions really hit me! "Being in charge of your own daily routine?" YES! "Giving joy to children?" YES...sort of, more everyone! "Breathing fresh air on a daily basis?" GOD YES!
Thank you! I understand better that the questions have to come from me. I didn't get this before (but now seems kind of "duh-ish").
It worked!
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 12:46 PMCarrie. So glad the questions unlocked an important and secret door. You are now on the trail and there is no going back. "duh-ish" is a familiar feeling in discovering our own selves. And yes, I've been doing this "forever" it seems and sometimes I still forget to ask. Learning to ask your inner and highest self the RIGHT question is even harder. Enjoy the journey.
I hear you, Carrie
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:10 AMBureaucracies can feel stifling. But there can also be opportunity- and stability- within them.
It all comes down to digging deep and figuring out what your authentic self really wants and how you'll best serve your personal mission. Here's one woman's story of how she ditched the system and found her own way:
http://www.owningpink.com/blogs/owning-pink/ditch-your-job-start-your-life
Many of my coaching clients choose to leave the system, and I help them navigate the journey.
But we don't all have to leave the system to find our way. And some heroic individuals who have more guts than I do choose to stay within the system so they can start to transform it- which benefits all of those who stay within the system.
Me- I couldn't do that. I bailed the minute I could because I found the system so restrictive that my Inner Pilot LIght literally couldn't breathe....
Dana- if you're following this thread- this would be a perfect place for you to jump in! How can we stay within the system and find peace with who we really are.
And Carrie, my love- you're asking ALL the right questions.
When my clients ask me how they'll know whether to stay or leave, I tell them "You'll know if it's time to leave because the pain of staying put will exceed your fear of the unknown."
If that time hasn't come, it's okay to wait it out and be open to whatever the Universe might have in store for you...
Much love
Lissa
Thank you, Dr Lissa
By Carrie (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:29 AMI know I'm at the point where it's time to move on. I don't get anything from what I do anymore. At one point, I'd probably have described my current job as my dream job. But that was more than a decade ago. My core values have changed--or developed, really--and instead of accumulating money and stuff and filling the world with stuff, I've definitely turned to a more simplistic life with gratitude for the little things being at the forefront. That is the opposite of where my job has me and what my job/company is about.
I think the part about my Inner Pilot Light is what really hits home. I can barely light the pilot light in my hot water tank without a lot swearing--and that comes with instructions! My Inner Pilot Light isn't even getting gas at the moment. It's time for a change. I feel like I'm on the brink of it, but instead of a path, it's more like a cliff end. I just don't know where I'm going or where I want to go.
I thank you for your blog. I just found it yesterday, and already I see how much work I have ahead of me, and welcome the journey!
Carrie
Dana, I knew you'd get this!
By Lissa Rankin on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 7:02 AMI know this is part of what you stand for- helping women grow as leaders within the bureaucracy so they might change the world from within the system, rather than having to leave the system to make a difference.
If you're one of those women and need help boosting your leadership skills so you can make a difference, in or out of the system- check Dana out!
http://www.magusconsulting.com/
I work in a corporate setting
By Carrie (not verified) on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 5:35 AMI work in a corporate setting as a book editor for children. All the time, I get people telling me how cool my job sounds and how lucky I am, but I don't feel that way. My company is so resistant to trying anything new and taking risks. And if they do buy into stepping out of their comfort zone, it is such a long, drawn out battle that, in the end, it doesn't seem worth it. I'm completely exhausted by the process, have reached utter burnout, and can't see clearly as to what my next move should be. My only authentic self coming out is through humor (albeit, sometimes inappropriately) and complete obstinance. I feel myself digging in my heels more and more when something is unequal (which is just about everything) and I'm defiantly standing up to things that I think are a waste of time. Is this getting me anywhere in this position? No. But at the same time, there is no room for growth and development in this job. I feel stuck, but at the same time guilty because I know there are so many people in this world who are out of work. Still, I can't help but feeling as though there is more to life than this. And there is a job out there that aligns better with my core values. I just need to figure out what that job/dream is.
Thanks for your posts!
Carrie
Great question!
By Dana Theus on Friday, 03/18/2011 at 4:35 AMYou know I have lots of thoughts on this, but I'll hold it to one and see what others have to offer. I don't think it's impossible to be authentic in a bureaucracy, but it's damn hard and (from personal experience) I do think its virtually impossible to find your authentic self inside the bureaucracy. You have to leave - quit or take a loooooong sabbatical - to get clear of the rules and procedures hemming you in. And as you point out some bureaucracies (a lot, actually) won't want to let you back in if you're too outside the lines. They have their rules for reasons - many of them invalid in today's world - but the rationale creates a reinforcing strength that is tough to break.
I will say too that the dilemma is most pronounced for leaders - men and women - who aspire to have large impact and act as role models. They are given even less flexibility in expressing their authenticity.
And there's the real question. How much do you have to express yourself to be authentic? Can you be at peace personally walking between narrow lines - content with your work and your impact - and break out in personal life, being fully expressive outside the office? I know plenty of people who manage this issue in just this way. They choose not to fully express all the time and are content.... I think. There's no one answer. It's an individual question about the need to express. But one thing is for sure. No one can DISCOVER their authentic self without some form of expression (like your sex pot dress).
So it's really two questions - can you DISCOVER your authentic self in a bureaucracy (I say no), and seperately, can you EXPRESS your authentic self (once discovered) in a bureaucracy (I say maybe... Depends on what you discover!)
Can't wait to see people's input.