Please welcome Pink community member Mattie, here with some thoughts that are no doubt shared by many. Thank you, Mattie, for bringing this important point to light.

I’ve been reading Owning Pink almost every day since Lissa started writing last year, and I love what Owning Pink is all about. Whether it’s about being authentic, health, creativity, or loving community, I’m all over it, and it resonates with who I feel I truly am. But one thing keeps tripping me up - I don’t believe in God. I just don’t. I kind of wish I did. I love the idea of a loving Universe that guides our paths and lobs signs at us like a big Daddy throwing balls at a Little League game.

I don't share your faith

But the truth is that I’m one of those people who believes that religion is the opiate of the masses. I don’t believe in signs or destiny or an afterlife or miracles. And so every time one of you writes about Signs from the Universe or your spiritual path or God, I feel conflicted. Generally, I feel a huge sense of belonging here at Owning Pink, but when these things come up, it seems like all of you have a huge sense of faith, and I honestly feel left out.

Your stories about your faith are so compelling that it’s even inspired me to explore whether there’s some place in the world of religion where I might feel at home. I’ve been to church. I’ve gone to dharma talks at a Buddhist temple. I’ve celebrated Jewish holidays with friends. I even lived in Africa where I was exposed to the Muslim faith. I look at the devotees around me in the pews or sitting cross-legged on the floor, and I just feel disconnected from what they’re feeling.

Religion v. spirituality

Now, I know how much of religion is cultural, and I was raised to believe in nothing. Funny - my parents are the only people I know who never went to church and then converted to Catholicism in their sixties. But that was long after I had left home to live my own life. So nobody modeled for me what it means to believe. And now, after 40+ years of believing that we live our lives and then we die, I find myself here in this community, which in some way feels like a spiritual community. And I’m afraid of being judged by you.

It’s not that I’m not spiritual. Just because I believe that life is transient doesn’t mean I don’t have values or that I don’t relish the sacred in life. To me, nature is my church. When I’m walking through the forest or standing on a mountaintop or watching the waves crash over the beach, I feel deeply connecting to something, but it’s not God. It’s life, maybe, and the sanctity and breadth of how alive we really are.

Owning who I am

It’s tempting to try to change who I am. Maybe I could just “fake it ‘til I make it” and start praying, meditating, going to church or looking for signs. Certainly, my believer boyfriend would be so happy if I shared his beliefs. But that’s just not ME. The times I’ve tried have felt like jumping through hoops to please someone else, while the core of me screams, “You hypocrite!”

So I feel like I’m Owning Pink, and I’m cool with where I am. But it leaves me a bit confused. How do I Own Spirituality when I don’t believe in spirits? Does that mean I can’t be truly whole?

Rather than hiding in silence for fear that you won’t love me anymore if I tell you the truth, I've decided to come out of the closet, so to speak. I don’t want you to preach to me or try to convert me. I just want to know that you’ll accept me how I am.

Are there others out there who feel like I do, or am I all alone in my disbelief? Do you have any guidance for how I might nurture my spiritual side without being true to what I genuinely feel? Can you Own Pink and have mojo, even if you don’t believe?

Trusting in YOU,
Mattie