When growing up, I always thought the July 4^th fireworks were in celebration of my birthday, even though it’s the day before. Being an “almost July 4^th baby," I have always had a strong affinity for Thomas Jefferson's love of gardening and archiecture and declaring independence. But while my mother raised me to be an independent woman, neither of us really knew what that meant. It has taken me almost 43 years to discover the true meaning.

What is Independence?

I used to think independence was all about financial independence. I was raised to "never rely on someone else for money," and "always be able to support yourself," etc. As a good girl, I did what I was told and I achieved financial independence. I purchased my own home with my own money. I paid for my own vacations and bought a nice car. But I never felt truly independent. Instead, I felt like I was living someone else's life. 

I have recently come to learn that independence is all about Owning Pink. Independence is about loving myself enough to care for my body, mind, soul and relationships. Independence is not caring what others think or say about me; independence is about embracing and being love. Above all, independence is about revealing my true self -- free of the masks and boxes imposed by my younger self and others -- to the world.

My Journey Toward Independence

There are as many stories about finding your true self as there are beings that have made the discovery. Each journey is different. Some are Pleaps (Pink leaps of faith). Others happen in baby steps, with an occassional "two steps at a time" leap. Either way there are common themes in every story: some form of meditation and/or alone time is almost always involved, and there is often a profound event such as illness, death, or just deep unhappiness with the status quo to get things moving. Here is my story.

For years I was in a box. The lawyer box. Aside from feeling good when people would say, "wow, you seem too nice to be a lawyer," I never felt comfortable in this box. Yet I had no other way to define myself. I was too busy trying to achieve financial independence. Yes, I was also a daughter, a friend, and an occassional lover. But I was a lawyer first and foremost. I put my career before relationships, including the one with myself. 

The year after my mother crossed over, I moved across the country. With that move, I shed many friends (at least to the extent that it wasn’t so easy to grab dinner and drinks anymore). Being in a new town with no friends seems like a perfect time to get out of one's box. But I couldn’t do it. The call for financial independence was too strong. 

Luckily I listened to the small voice that whispered to me -- go do something creative, if only to meet people. So I took painting classes and then photography. Finally I landed in the muddy world of pottery.  Looking back, I don’t think it was coincidental that when I found pottery, I quit my law firm job without another job in the waiting. I was no longer a litigator. Hurray! Sounds like a Pleap doesn't it?

Maybe it was, but on reflection, I am sad for that young woman who lacked the courage to shed the box. Instead I immediately started looking for a job. While I toyed with the idea of doing something non-legal, I couldn't make a clean break. I landed in a corporate legal department. Four years later, I was still craving creativity. Instead of supplying the hammer and nails, I wanted to build the wall (oh yes the signs are so clear in hindsight). So I moved into business development. With this shift, I was giving myself a tad larger box within which to reside. But I was still tied to the idea of financial independence.

Not until I admitted that I'm an artist! and that making pottery was important to my well-being, did I dare to shed the box. Upon returning from two weeks in the Tuscan countryside (a cure for many ailments!), I began shedding the mask of a corporate ladder-climbing employee. I went part-time at work and committed myself to my art. Yet, I still remember how queasy I got when shortly thereafter someone asked what I did. “I’m a potter,” I squeaked.

Today, on my 43^rd birthday, I no longer squeak but proudly declare that I am a potter and a writer and am thinking about being a health and wellness coach. Yes, I feel scattered at times, but I am proud to no longer reside in the lawyer/corporate box. Oh yes, I still have my day job. But I only visit this box four days a week. My soul no longer resides there.

What transpired in the last year to strengthen my voice? I began to see, for the first time, how life could be different. I began to see it, taste it, smell it.  With my vision clear, doors opened, making the dream real.  Yes, the MS diagnosis played a role, but only so far as it focused a light on what made me happy, what made me strong, what made me feel whole.

Independence is a Journey, not a Destination

Independence is relative of course, and never a destination. Reporting from the road, I can tell you that the journey is messy, but it is doable. It never goes as fast as you want, but only as fast as you can handle. I believe there are some essential elements to anyone's journey. These are not original, and they can be found in dozens of books, not to mention here at Owning Pink. But I can attest that if you follow them, they work.

1. Breath.  Not only is deep, slow breathing good for your health, it clears the cobwebs. Breathing helps you slow down and be present so you can hear the messages from the universe. Breathing allows you to see your soul.
2. Make space.  If you are always running to the next appointment and the next task (and who isn't), you lack the space to find your self. Create that space. It doesn’t have to be a year traveling abroad (although I would have liked to try that) or even a month in the woods. Start with five minutes a day.  Work your way up to 30 minutes. Lock yourself in the bathroom or sit in a garden. Make the space to conjure your vision. 
3. Immerse yourself. If you have even an inkling of the thing that will allow you to step out of your box, try it. Take a class or a workshop. Try it on for size. How does it feel? 
4. Listen.  Listen to your body. Listen to your soul. What is it screaming to do? I knew pottery was my foundation the first time I walked into the studio after my MS diagnosis. My fear checked itself at the studio door.
5. Play. Whether you play with clay or paints or magazine clippings, find your inner child and let him or her play. Don’t let the child be squelched by the gremlins. Gremlins are not permitted at play time.  Allow your inner child to make a mess and she will lead the way toward independence.

Who am I? Who are You?

So you are breathing, you have immersed yourself, made space, listened and played. Is that it? No, there is one more thing. As James Hillman says, “Tell me what you long for, and I’ll tell you who you are.” This is the crucial inquiry. Begin your journey with the intent of identifying what you long for. What makes you sit tall when you talk about it?  Follow it and you will find your independence. 

So who am I? Let me tell you what I long for. I long to make beautiful pottery. I long to write. I long to help others find their own path to wellness and vitality.

I am the one celebrating her growing independence. Yes, the fireworks I will watch tomorrow, they are for me. 

So who are you? Tell us what you long for. What makes you stand tall and salute with gratitude?

Standing tall and independent,