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Coming To Terms With What Will Never Be

Kimberly Wencl, October 21, 2010

This summer my husband Roger and I attended the wedding of Kira and Greg -- another of my daughter Liz's closest high school girlfriends. This was our fifth wedding this summer for Liz's high school girlfriends. We are so thankful that everyone is doing so well, getting on with life in joy I really don't think these girls know or understand how much it means to Roger and me that we are included in their celebrations. It is so special. What was even more touching for us at this wedding was the extra way that Kira and Greg remembered Liz.

In Rememberance

The church was beautiful and was filled full of family and friends. We entered the santuary after receiving the wedding program from another newly married high school friend of Liz's -- Holly. We sat down and began to look through the program. It was filled with names of Liz's friends who were a part of the wedding party. On the back of the program was the following:

"On this day we remember our loved ones, Elizabeth Wencl and Molly Schiller. The flowers placed at the altar symbolize all the wonderful times they brought into our lives. They will always be in our hearts, thoughts and prayers."

In addition, prayers were spoken for Liz and Molly during the service.

Tears

It was beautfiul and touching and so loving. It brought tears to my eyes, but I wouldn't have it any other way, and I will be enternally grateful for all the rembrances made, the stories told, and the memories shared once again.

99.9% of the time, I am filled with joy as I watch LIz's friends lives unfold. But I wouldn't be human if I didn't ponder about what could have been and what will never be for Liz. Although I am eternally grateful for my Liz and the strong connection that we will always share, I am sad that she will never experience what it is like to fall in love, get married, and perhaps have a family. I'm sad for her and I'm sad for Roger and me, and all of our families.

Acknowledging What Is

I allow myself this time of sadness because it is there and it is real and it deserves to be recognized. Once I acknowedge it, it is easier to let it go and once again focus on the happiness of the occasion and the love I have for each of Liz's friends. They have become more than friends -- they are family.

My cup runneith over, and the sadness has lifted once agai ... it has been replaced once again with JOY and EVERLASTING LOVE!

How about you, Pinkies? Have you ever had a time in your life when you had conflicted feelings? Perhaps you chose not to acknowledge the feelings of sadness because for everyone else the occasion was happy? How did you deal with it?

Tell us your story ... we would love to hear it..

Blessings - love -- and happy celebrations (and a tear or two)!

xxoo

Kim

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Comments

Missing Amy...

By Leslee Horner on Saturday, 10/23/2010 at 2:34 PM

Today is the first birthday of my best friend Amy's twin boys. You know, Kim, that she died last year just two days after they were born. It is bittersweet to see the pictures on FB of their celebration today and the woman who has become their "mommy" with them instead of Amy.

A few weeks ago another one of our best friends got married. We honored Amy by having little frog pins stuck in our bouquets. Amy's mom and sister came to the wedding wearing their pins on their dresses. That too, was a bittersweet occasion. Amy would have been the matron of honor in that wedding.

Thank you for this post!

Love and Light,

Leslee

Visit my website: www.lesleehorner.com

Missing Amy

By Kimberly Wencl on Saturday, 10/23/2010 at 4:43 PM

Hi Leslie, how good to hear from you! Bittersweet really is the appropriate word isn't it? It is wonderful that you and your friends continue to remember Amy in an outward tangible way ... it means so much when people go out of their way to remember Liz ... I'm certain Amy's family feels the same way. But yet to watch someone else step into the role that Amy should be playing has to be very difficult. And, there just are no easy answers.

Take care, hang in there, and keep on remembering!
Kim

Still trying

By Anonymous (not verified) on Saturday, 10/23/2010 at 12:41 PM

I feel conflicting feelings all the time. My husband had many health problems develop in the first year we were married, and we haven't been able to live the life we thought we would when we were first married.
It's hard to see other people we know buy their first house, land great jobs, and start their families, when we can't do any of that, and won't be able to for the forseeable future. It's really hard most days to paste a smile over the tears.
We're still working on trying to see the good in our situation, but I doubt it'll happen soon. Even though it has been going on for more than five years.

Still Trying

By Kimberly Wencl on Saturday, 10/23/2010 at 4:39 PM

Thanks for connecting and I am so sorry to hear about your husband's health situation. It is really hard at times because, let's face it, life is just not fair. BUT, you still have your husband with you, which is a HUGE blessing.

Take good care.
Kim

Hard to do

By Monica Wilcox on Friday, 10/22/2010 at 12:34 PM

I've found one of the hardest things to do is accept what is. I experienced a situation that was very confusing and difficult to find the truth in all of my emotion. I spent a great deal of time, and money, getting to the truth BUT found this had no impact on the outcome of the situation. It was what it was. Once I had a handle on the "why?" I knew I had to accept the situation, fill it with love because I knew on some higher level everything had turned out exactly as it was supposed to,and moved on. The moving on took the longest.
Thanks for sharing your story. It's fantastic to see that you have so many to share your love of Liz with. Every situation has it's blessings.

Monica Wilcox

www.femmetales.com

https://twitter.com/Monica_Wilcox

Thanks Monica. I agree -

By Kimberly Wencl on Saturday, 10/23/2010 at 5:12 AM

Thanks Monica. I agree - accepting what is can be extremely difficult and painful ... but ultimately necessary. And, you are right, no matter what, there is always a silver lining --- sometimes we have to dig really deep to find it though!

thank you

By Jennifer Shelton on Friday, 10/22/2010 at 5:58 AM

Thank you, as always, for sharing your story and your journey. It's so important to recognize that life isn't "black and white" and sometimes (many times) things are joyous and sad at the same time. Of course these women include you in their celebrations, as I'm certain you bring joy and peace into their lives.

Blessings,

Jennifer
Astrologer, Educator &
Founder of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women

Thanks Jennifer. Yes life is

By Kimberly Wencl on Saturday, 10/23/2010 at 5:14 AM

Thanks Jennifer. Yes life is happy and sad all at the same time. I remember many years ago attending a family wedding and as we left the church and drove to the reception we came upon a funeral procession and it really hit home how different that day was for many different people.

When you comment on an Owning Pink blog post, we invite you to be authentic and loving, to say what you feel, to hold sacred space so others feel heard, and to refrain from using hurtful or offensive language. Differing opinions are welcomed, but if you cannot express yourself in a respectful, caring manner, your comments will be deleted by the Owning Pink staff.

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