Please welcome back the fabulous Laura Campbell, divorce and life reinvention consultant and founder of The D Spot, helping women regroup, renew, and reinvent themselves before and after divorce. Thanks, Laura!

Do you ever have days when it just feels so hard?! 

I didn’t really know what this felt like until later in my marriage when I couldn’t figure out why some days (more and more as time when on) felt “hard” to get through.

And there were many hard days once I got separated, went through my divorce and began to move forward after.

To be completely honest with you, there are still days when it feels just so hard.

A client said to me today, “is it really possible to have the life you dream of? I only ask because no one I know is living their dream life… as a matter of fact, so many of them are not happy.” 

I can’t begin to tell you just how sad I was to hear her ask this question. As a coach, I am surrounded by people--other coaches, experts, consultants and amazing women who are all on a journey towards living their ideal life.

Her question made me stop and really think about what it means to live the life you imagine.

I know that sometimes the “think positive thoughts” rhetoric can oversimplify the journey, but there is so much truth to our ability to deliberately create what we want.

Transition... and growth

You, me and thousands of others across the world have gone through or are going through the transition of divorce. A transition that, while forcing us to reinvent many areas of our lives, is also the catalyst for massive growth: personally, professionally, financially, socially, romantically….

And it is exactly this “massive growth” that is what makes it feel so hard. Have you ever heard of growing pains? These minutes, hours or days that feel hard are our middle age growing pains.

The more discomfort and confusion we feel, the greater the growth. You may be saying, BULLSHIT! But it is true. Ask anyone who has achieved massive success or achievement in any area of their life. They withstood extreme discomfort, confusion and even pain to get there.

Regardless of the stage of the divorce journey you are on, there will be hard days. And, dare I say that I hope you ALWAYS have hard days, because it will mean that you are continuously growing. After all, what happens to all living things when they stop growing? They die. 

So, what can you do when those “hard” days rear their ugly heads?

5 tips for moving through hard days (transition! growth!) with ease and grace:

1. Breathe – often when we experience feelings of overwhelm or struggle, our hearts can race and we can feel a growing sense of discomfort. The moment that you begin to feel this way… stop whatever it is that you are doing, close your eyes and take ten deep breaths. You will immediately find relief and a calming of your mind and body.
2. Focus – during these times, you can use your power of focus to shift your attention from that with which you are struggling to something that makes you feel joyful. We are drawn to that which we focus on so shifting your attention will redirect you away from your challenge.
3. Gratitude – choosing gratitude will always provide you will a sense of calm and peace. Even in our greatest moments of challenge, we each have so much to be grateful for. Tapping into your inner gratitude will give you a source of strength from which you can move through your challenge.
4. Journal – as we have mentioned, your greatest challenge will also provide you with the greatest opportunity for growth. Become an observer of your own life. Take time to write down all that you can about what you are feeling and what you can learn from it. You will be surprised at all that you can learn when you take a step back and observe your situation.
5. Quiet – struggle and challenge can be “noisy”. Give yourself the gift of quiet during these times so that you can connect to your inner guidance system. You already have all the answers inside of you, the quiet will allow you to tap into all of the resources you need to move forward.

I am sorry that you may struggle through these hard days…or that they may cause you to become “stuck” at certain moments along your journey. 

But that is exactly why I do what I do. Because when I had -- and have -- my “hard days”, I could have used (and still do) a coach to be my champion, compass and overall cheerleader. That is what I aspire to be for you.

So, embrace these hard days. Nurture them. Surrender to them. For they will ultimately lead you to the growth you will need to get to the life you imagine!

How do you manage your feelings through the hard times? What strategies do you use to move forward through these times? What limitations do you place on yourself that prevent you from exposing possible solutions? What are the most joyful thoughts you can choose to focus on when you are facing one of those days?

Laura

Visit Laura at discoverthedspot.com.