The other day, I got an email from a reporter from a national women’s magazine who wanted to get a few unsexy facts about sex. Who cares, I wanted to ask?
I don’t think I can bear another article that tells us that sex: increases your heart rate, decreases colesterol, builds muscles, burns calories, relaxes you, releases important chemicals and gives you a nice healthy blush. Is sex another healthy thing on your to do list?
Cosmopolitan headlines like “10 sexy ways to get him into bed” or “10 sexy ways to keep him there” make me sad. Ten tricks to get something. How many times do women need to be reminded that the sex is about manipulating and the only one worth satisfying is him? How many times do women need to hear that ultimately, they are inadequate?
I’m fatigued with a culture that has cajoled and ridiculed us into believing things like:
Regular sex is a sign that I’m a healthy, successful person.
Sexual satisfaction is a matter of mastery of skills.
Something’s wrong with me if I can’t orgasm, ejaculate, remain hard for hours.
Only sexy, beautiful people have sexy, beautiful sex.
And in California, add to the list: Not into polyamory, threesomes, sex clubs, fetiches, one taste om-ing, tantric orgasm in a room full of people watching and various kinky explorations? Good night, and Good Luck! You haven’t lived.
Sex has become so, uhm… functional, scientific, and utterly unsexy.
Please world, can we uplevel our conversations a bit?
Sex is the most primal life force of the core of the universe and our being. It’s powerful. It’s creative. It’s untameable. Which is why conspiracies have formed around sex since day one.
Sex corrupts. Long time back, religious leaders made sex sinful as a way of controlling the masses. Adam and Eve got too intimate with the snake of sexual power, were kicked out of paradise, one could hope, to experience this co-creative power in all its glorious ways.
Sex sells. Some thousand + years later, media, marketing and ads made sex evocative, promising lusty feelings, sexual success and skyrocketing self-esteem if, by the way, we eat, drink, dress and smear their producsts all over ourselves. Feeling good yet?
Sex manifests. In new age circles and at the cusp of a new collective consciousness, sex magic is now seen as the orgasmic gasoline with which you can manifest your heart’s (divine) desire. The secret just doesn’t cut it anymore. The new kid on the block is intentional orgasm. Forget about your lover, but keep your goals at the top of your lungs as you scream out your orgasm. Or better, share an intention and ride it to the top of the orgasmic wave. Oh my! What do you desire? A new job? World peace?
Meanwhile, most of us have sex to procreate, commune, feel intimate, love and just enact and enjoy this beautiful physique we’ve been gifted. Some of us have too much sex (obsession). Some of us have too little sex. Some of us experience sex that’s over the moon. Others experience sad and empty sex. Most of us experience a bit of both.
In a world where everything is sexualized instead of humanized, I worry that we’ve lost touch with the sweet eroticism in life. To me, being human, life itself is erotic. It’s a being alive to the magical, pulsating, ecstatic body and universe we live and experience through. It’s a way of being in the world in a sensory and tactile way, leading and relating to others with your energy awareness and senses.
But you may not notice. Because you are not home much. In your body. In your flesh. In your senses. And you may be a little afraid of the sexual, creative fire that lives at the core of your being and what it might do, should you fan the flames. Will you explode? Kick your lover out? Binge on sex? Follow your dream?
The inclination of (our) nature is to (pro)create. The bees and blooms kind of thing is literally taking place all around you, all the time. It’s taking place within, continuously creating and destroying our bodies and being. Sexual communion with another human being is simply an expression of this entirely creative process. You attract, build up heat, enter one another, explode, and die. A life and death dance. The inclination to co-create is so strong and it is not for nothing that condoms were invented.
Life is fecund and sex is merely a facet of life’s eroticism.
Perfunctory or performance oriented sex with release as goal, no longer seems so interesting to me.
I know my sexuality is the central life force within me. It fuels everything from how I show up in the world, to my creativity, to play, love making and communing with the divine.
Today, I savor the richness of all experience, using my senses, using my breath, using my imagination and movement to fan the flames. Not necessarily to make love, alone or with someone else. But to fan my creative fire, to light up my body, to heighten the energetic frequency and feel utterly present in my body and being. I like to feel my heart beat pulse through my veins. I like to feel my skin erect with desire. I like to feel the sun kiss my face and the wind caress my skin. I am constantly engaged in foreplay with life, and on good days, this results in joyful, flirtatious engagement with the world around me. Meet me there.
So don’t talk to me about health benefits of sex and how to score the guy. Talk to me about being fully alive and harnessing the amazing energies within to create beautiful, transformative art, love, partnerships and a better world. Talk to me about sex that breathes erotic play, seduces me to fall off the edge of control, and dissolves, for a moment, life and death. Talk to me about the mystery of sex.
In its highest sense, our sexuality is a gateway to spirit, to the place where humanity meets divinity, and as such it is sacred. It offers us a readily available opportunity to experience the ecstatic union we all long for. If… that is… we dare surrender so deeply to the erotic dance, with ourselves, with each other.
I want to make love to life. What about you?
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