I have a couple questions for you…

1. Would you meet someone on a first date, with a blindfold on?
2. Would you meet someone on a first date, with a blindfold on, in a doorway near the restaurant you were going to?

Okay, I know these may feel like ridiculous questions. How would you know you’d be safe? How would you know whether or not the person you were meeting was a psycho?

Would you feel ridiculous sitting in a restaurant with a blindfold on? How long would you wear it? What if your date wasn’t your type and you gasped when the blindfold came off?

Alright, this is a good time to take a deep breath! Before you write this off as an insane idea, let’s look at what this is really about-- and how you can have more adventure, fun and passion in your dating life, while also staying safe!

When I heard that my friend did this (she really did!), I imagined a man had asked her to do it. Then I found out it was actually her idea.

Safety first?

The first major concern I had when I heard about this blindfold adventure was safety. After all, she was standing on the street blindfolded. What if this date, or someone else, came up to her and mugged her? But as I thought more about it I realized how easily I forget that I actually have my own hand on the dial of creating safety.

Safety starts with me. I can be responsible for keeping myself safe (in all but the most un-safe situations) by paying attention to the sensations in my body, my thoughts, my emotions and my gut instinct.

My friend planned this adventure WITH the man she was about to meet for a date. It was her idea. When they decided to do it they were both within a block of the restaurant. The danger of someone else mugging her was slim.

She was keeping herself safe by having communicated with this man enough to have a sense of his heart and his integrity. While there are no guarantees, and some people can put on great facades, at this point I know I have a deep trust in my sense of people, and so does my friend. (How we have this deep trust in ourselves is another blog topic!)

Create your own safety

In most situations (dark nights, alleys, etc. excluded), when you learn how to create your own safety (rather than thinking safety is always external), you will start to experience more passion, adventure and profoundly deep connection in your life and relationships. This is because a big part of what makes passion and connection possible is knowing your boundaries and being willing to say “No” when they are about to be crossed. Then you are free to completely relax, play and enjoy yourself within those boundaries.

Being able to say "No" is the biggest component in keeping yourself safe. Saying "No"` at the right time (for you) is what allows you to have passion and connection.

I’ve seen so many people set boundaries way outside where they really need them because they are afraid their boundaries will get crossed. But when you are certain you can hold your boundaries (which means you are clear that you can say “No” whenever you want, with whomever you want) you become irresistibly playful, bright and radiant.

When we can say “No” whenever and with whomever we want, we no longer have to worry about the “snow-ball effect” -- putting up boundaries before we really want them in order to prevent something in the future from happening.

Imagine freedom from thoughts like:
•    “If I flirt with him then he might think I want to kiss him. What do I do if he tries to kiss me?”
•    “I want to talk and have a good time at the party with her but I do NOT want to go home with her. I think she’d feel like I was leading her on if I want this so I think I shouldn’t talk to her at all.”
•    “Kissing him would be fun, but I don’t want to have sex with him. But if I kiss him I will feel obligated to have sex with him because we started something.”

Finding our "No"

A person who is playful and free with her pleasure and sensuality has a lot more fun and can certainly attract more positive attention. Of course, this doesn’t mean she is free and playful all of the time or doesn’t have boundaries or respect for herself. If we want to start having more fun and creating deeper connections -- and if we want to meet someone who also wants that emotional and spiritual connection, we have to start with finding our “No.”

Start to explore for yourself! Do you say “No” when you want to? Are there ways you compromise what you really want by going along with what someone else wants? Will you speak up when something doesn’t feel good? 

With love & pleasure,

Shana

www.authenticwomanexperience.com