A few weeks ago I wrote about breakups -- not of romantic relationships, but with friends. There aren't has many conversations about friendship breakups -- sure, we discuss peer pressure when we're younger and sisterhood as we get older, but what do you do when you feel like there is a friendship in your life that no longer serves you? In my first post I discussed what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a friendship breakup. Today's post addresses the other side. This is the side of being the initiator -- the side that I believe takes a lot of courage but doesn’t win popularity contests. The side that says, “YES! I am committed to evolving into the greatest of myself” and the side that is willing to engage in the house cleaning necessary to this evolution.

Yes, this is also the side where outsiders may label you as cold, coldhearted, selfish, a bad friend, a wayward friend, self-centered, “she’s changed because of such and such”, or whatever else they can come up with to comfort the friend that was left.

Confessions of a breakup

So, I must confess that I have been the intiator -- I have broken up with friends. And I want to be clear that in my world this has meant that I have discontinued friendships with wonderful, generous, beautiful people. People who did not wrong me, or steal my man, or gossip behind my back. Are you shocked?

Nope, that sort of drama wasn’t present, but there were many other reasons. For instance, some were people who just felt out of alignment with my soul. Others were those with whom I outgrew a role that had defined our relationship (caretaker, therapist, constant listener).

And here’s a big one: there were some people whom I realized I had befriended during a transitional period in my life when I was out of my power and looking for it in the wrong places -- and in the wrong people. To put it bluntly, I became friends with people whom I would not have had I been in my power. And then I had to clean house.

As we evolve, our energy and vibration changes. In some cases, the friends with whom I parted ways were simply no longer an energetic match. We were simply evolving at different rates and in different directions for the time being.

Signs that it's time

I really do believe that it takes a lot of courage to engage in a breakup (and I realize that you may not agree reading this!). But I can tell you from my experience that ultimately it is about integrity, my friends. It’s about spiritual integrity. And staying the course. Initiating friendship breakup to stay in alignment with your spiritual development is about an unwavering commitment to expand, to evolve, to grow. And at times that just is not convenient or easy!

Here are some of the signs that may occur to you when a friendship breakup -- or redefining of the friendship -- is in order:

1. The phone rings and your energy sinks when before you look forward to speaking to that person. This is usually a very subtle shift in energy, so pay attention and see how you feel. 
2. You feel forced in a conversation that before felt effortless
3. You lose all interest in calling the friend, whereas before you wanted to
4. You begin to think “I should call them” or feel a large sense of obligation to keep in contact with no heartfelt desire
5. You become preoccupied with other things or events in your life instead of keeping in touch
6. You notice you no longer share with them aspects of your life that before you couldn’t wait to tell them

So my fellow Pinkies, I’d love to know if any of these scenarios feel familiar and if so, what is your response? Are you still hanging on when the signs are telling you that you are done? Have you let go of a friend? What happened when you did?

Wishing you the courage to expand in your Pinkness!

Audrey