Laura
Great how you weave our self-image into the love for all. Beautifully done. Thank you!
Love, Light and Blessings
~Dana

THANK YOU for this, and for the clarity and simplicity with which you remind us that the ways we talk to ourselves matter. I needed the reminder to switch the golden rule around: Do unto yourself as you would do unto others.

I love what you say about nonviolence in our thoughts, and towards ourselves. I agree that everything changes when you make a commitment to stopping the cycle of violence where it starts -- in your heart.

I'm in that place too, though I got here a different way (through Byron Katie's Work). When I examined where I was being violent and judgmental in my mind and started undoing those patterns, I found a greater peace than I ever imagined. I'm not perfect at it, and like you said I do sometimes "slip," but you're right, once you start there's no going back.

Now, when I see someone who has something I want, I say to the Universe, "Bless them for having that [whatever], and bring me abundance in it too." This feels much better than harboring envy and resentment, and it has a better track record of success too!

I can see from the comments this is a universal truth for us gals. I too have a friend who ends every compliment she gives me with, "Bitch." It stings every time and I sometimes avoid sharing the good in my life with her just to avoid the sting. When I see someone who has something I want, rather than seeing it as envy, I see it as the awakening of a desire within me. Ooohhh...I can have that too! Afterall, we're each other's mirrors, right?

Thank you for shining light on this one.

Love,

Danielle

I grew up with those comments too, Laura. And they always bothered me. I still get them- not just in relation to my weight but in relation to what I do with my life.

One friend was introducing me to another friend with a gushing intro "Meet my friend Lissa. She's a doctor and an artist and a writer...." (blah blah blah). And her friend turned to me with a scowl and said, "You know. There's treatment for people like you."

Ouch.

Why do we do this to each other? Why can't we see something we admire in another (whether it's a fit body, a talent, a great marriage, or an accomplishment) and recognize that we desire what that person has without turning it against ourselves or the other person. When I meet people who have achieved something I desire, I find it inspiring. I seek their counsel and am genuinely happy for them. But I know that the reason I can feel this way is because, deep down, I have a strong sense of self and know that I am worthy, that their success or body or relationship doesn't diminish my value, but rather, puts me in touch with what I'd like to create in my own life. From that place of self-love, I know I can do anything.

Thank you so much for the inspiration and validation. And thank you for being here with us, Laura!

Much love
Lissa

As a thin girl that has often had hateful comments thrown at me whenever I eat healthy meals and people scoff and say, you don't have to eat that; you can eat whatever you want, I very much appreciate this article. I actually had a coworker say that she just wanted to shove a huge hoagie down my throat. None of those comments have ever made me feel good and I certainly didn't take them as a compliment. I am not naturally thin as some people seem to think. It is a very conscious effort to eat right and exercise even when I really don't want to do it. I spend a considerable amount of time researching what is really in the food that I eat to do my best to get the right balance of the things my body needs. If I ate anything and everything I would certainly not be thin. I absolutely love food so it is a very constant struggle to make sure that I eat just a serving of calorie-loaded foods instead of enough for 3 people. The bottom line is that nobody knows what is going on with other people. Why should we think we know when we look at a person, whether thin or heavy, that we know the whole story? There are far more important ways to spend our time and energy. Thanks again for this post.

Laura, what a great article. I learned a powerful lesson about skinny girls years ago. We had a co-worker who was rail thin. She ate like a horse, but was a stick. We were all envious. But it turned out that she had been battling cancer for years. She couldn't keep the weight on because her body was off fighting the cancer. Not something to be envious of.

Now that I have lost 30 pounds because of my own diet change sparked by illness, I know that I am the target of that same envy. I think to myself "if they only knew."

Obviously, not every skinny girl walking down the street has cancer or other illness. Nor does every skinny girl wish she were so skinny. Like another co-worker that wishes she had curves.

These experiences have made me reevaluate my own thoughts about other's beauty and my own. We never know another's story. Besides, I would rather focus on the vitality of a person - the true mark of health.

Living vitally,
Laurie