Feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh, this is the WORST part of being me, I think.
Earlier this spring, I woke up in the morning after a dream where a successful business mentor I know was showing me some cool sign in thing she did with her hands on my computer to bring up her special material on the laptop.
"Don't worry, I will help you," she said to me, as I looked at her puzzled, like, "How does she do that?"
Earlier that week I even found myself feeling jealous of people who are out in the world living their dreams.
"What am I doing," I ask myself.
"Could I be living a BIGGER dream? Could I be in some sunny locale hanging out with the locals and living my dream too?"
Sure, I could be doing that. And you know what the truth is? I'm here, right now, in Buffalo, N.Y., living my dream:
Contributing to life in the best ways I know how
Learning how to grow and run a successful business
Having fun creating
Learning how I can contribute in the best ways possible where everyone's lives are served in bigger and brighter ways
This is a "North Star" or a "Guiding Intention" that came to me 3 1/2 years ago through a course called Feminine Power.
This principle's been guiding me ever since.
Is that enough, to be a "bringer of joy to all of life?"
How does this pay the bills and supply me with financial stability?
How does this allow me to relax and peruse the French countryside on vacation with a loved one?
How does this manifest the greater contribution I'm giving to this world?
You can hear, I'm sure, the "woe is me" voice coming through right now. That little girl who's still looking for her daddy to take care of her, for someone to notice her. Yah, she's grasping, reaching out for energy, any kind of energy. In the past, this grasping and needing got me into a lot of unnecessary trouble with work, men, friends, and family.
This is honestly one of the most challenging parts of myself to deal with, to notice, and to hug and love when I do notice her.
Her energy is so strong, her patterns so embedded, that I'm down her path even before I realize it and then there goes that moment or the next several in "woe is me" land.
Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?
Feeling like everything is against you?
Like you can never win? Like it won't ever work in your favor?
Like you can't have the life of your greatest dreams?
Oh, this sucks, "woe is me land," and...
Because you know what, I can see her now. This little girl in me.
I can see it now: the seductive energy of "woe is me."
It's not a bad thing, this, "woe is me." It was a way that I learned to be and it probably served me in many ways when operating in old relationship dynamics of the past.
Now, the truth is, I don't need to feel sorry for myself any more.
I don't need to pull on others energies or compare myself to others or look at others to judge whether I'm living my dreams.
All I need to do is feel my feelings, listen to a higher power calling to me, trust the next guided step and go. Take that next step, walk that way, this way and that, and trust, following my knowing and honoring mine and all others paths.
And, those judgments, comparing myself to others? They may actually be there to support me to reassess and reevaluate my path.
Am I living my greatest life?
Do I want something different in my life right now?
How else could I be contributing? Going about this business, this contribution?
There is no short cut to success. There is no short cut to dreams. I'm actually creating my dream right now, as I write to you. I'm living my dream. I'm contributing. And, thank God, I always have a choice in who I want to be and how I want to be and how I will show up in life. That's where self-responsiblity comes in. And that's a whole OTHER topic!
So today I say, "I welcome you little Sarah," the little girl who still feels that feeling sorry for herself is going to get her the attention she so desired and needed as a child.
"I see you now. I'm here, the grown Sarah, the adult."
I have conversations with her like I would a child, lovingly, sometimes firmly, with love and care.
"And you're with me now. It's all good."
"And together we go on this path,
one step at a time."
What does your little self need from your present day adult you right now?
What is one step you can take right now to shift from "Woe is me" to Being the BEST you can be (because your gifts and talents are what the world NEEDS RIGHT NOW, as Marie Forleo says!).
Loving and Light Blessings, Sarah
Free to Be Life Coach
Director, Salsa for the Soul, Latin Dance Company
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