Can I just tell you how hugely I'm grinning right now? How WONDERFUL is it that we can expose our scariest, ugliest warts publicly like this and still be heard, validated, and accepted as we are? If only we could all do this for those in the rest of our lives?

Fred, I know we're all flawed and imperfect ,and I so appreciate the love.
Kittie, my oldest friend! Thank you for knowing it all and accepting me anyway.
Hana, I love that you pointed out the difference between opinion & judgment. I've always been resistant to the very California expression "It's all good." It's NOT all good. There are some bad things in the world- sex trafficking, racism, intolerance, violence against the innocent....It's NOT all good. And yet, people are good people who sometimes make bad choices. I know it's not black and white. Life is much more grey than they teach us in medical school. But yes, it is okay to have an opinion, but it is my opinion. Who am I to ever know what is right or wrong for another person?

And to the rest of you, bless you. I heart you. Really.
This was really hard to write and it warms my heart to read your support.
Hugs and love
Lissa

I appreciate all your feedback (and relish learning from you). I particularly love

You are certainly not alone. Over the last year I've taken a close look at how I've alienated certain people around me. At first glance, I blamed myself for being judgmental, but after further examination it occurred to me that my values and vision were not aligned with these people and the relationships were not really on even playing fields. Not because I was better than them, but because we wanted different things out of life, and that's okay.

While reading your post, it was clear to me that you have some very supportive friends. Maybe not dozens in San Diego alone, but you have someone willing to be completely honest with you. That is friendship. Several older and much wiser people have repeatedly told me that a person, at any given time, can count their closest friends on one hand. Something to keep in mind.

Something else that jumped out at me was the notion of not letting others define us. As we go down a path so different from the lives of our friends and family; a path they don't understand. It's only natural that your support in this space would shift from these people to those who are familiar and intimate with the road you've chosen because they've walked in similar shoes and can relate to your experiences. Unlike your friends and family.

The support you receive from the new people in your life should not be diminished, as the lack of support you receive from your friends and family should not define you.

Another thing to think about: opinions are ok, judgment is not. Make sure you the two don't become blurred. The DailyOM had an excellent post on this yesterday:

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2010/26027.html

Personally, I find your work extraordinary! I'm continually inspired by your posts, and taken away by the grace you display when it comes to discussing the female anatomy. Congratulations on a much deserved successful book launch. And bravo for such an honest post.

Thanks Lissa,
Once again you hit me with what I needed to hear at the right moment. For you, I will say...awareness of our flaws is half the battle to keeping them from running amuck:-) Plus it's soooooo much easier to see what someone else should do to fix their life than what we might need to do in our own lives! Also the field that you are in lends itself in this direction. I know that in the vet world that I'm constantly teaching people about how to take care of their pets properly while you are teaching women how to take care of themselves properly...there can be some problems in communication when that is the case....usually because someone doesn't want to hear what they need to hear. It can be a Catch-22...in other words...don't beat yourself up!!!

Meanwhile, I needed to be reminded about being judgmental myself. Ironically, I did much the same thing of thinking I knew what was the best thing for someone, but in the process may have really put a dent in a long standing friendship. There are a lot more details to it than that, but trust me when I say that I was definitely being more my father's daughter than my mother's at the time...since I know that will make sense to you LOL! My goal now is to mend that fence so that I maintain the friendship since it's a very important one to me. Whatever I need to do to make things right is going to happen cause the stress of being at odds with one of my best friends is worse than whatever I might need to do.

Thanks again for sharing your angst with us. It makes all the rest of us feel better when we know that we aren't alone in our confusion!
Love ya girl,
Kit

Lissa!! Ouch, ouch, ouch!!!! That hurt. You had a good friend point it out & now, you've been a good friend & pointed it out. I will be truthful here, in the situation I find myself battling with my friend, I'm not sure which one of us is having the most difficulty, but I can stand here for certain & say that I don't like other blind people. I am blind, yet I feel like other blind people are making me, & blind people who have jobs & can find their missing things without crying *I do mean literally, crying* to someone else for help, 'look bad'. I find myself thinking alot: 'No wonder sighted people misunderstand us so much. No wonder they think we're incapable, helpless & need to be guided. That's how tons of blind people act!' So I've turned to my Craniofacial people, the Pink Posse & other places for help, comfort, friendship, solace & guidance. While I don't regret coming to these people/places for guidance, I do acknowledge & regret judging other blind people who aren't 'like me'. I have my own hang ups about being alone, going out places by myself, & you're right. Who am I to judge them when I have my own problems?
Thank you for posting this!

My "ugly" shows when I compare myself with others who have gone before me and are wildly successful. It makes me depressed, sad, unworthy...shall I continue?

I recently posted a blog about it, and the comments it warrented were incredible.

http://www.anauthenticlife.com/?p=3351

Thanks Lissa for showing a raw side!
KT

Aside from Tricia's advice (which is very good) and your reaction, here's how I see it.

Your old friends "get you" already. They know what makes you tick and how you live your life. They might not always show up wearing pom-poms and asking for your autograph but I doubt that means they love you any less.

You are expending a great deal of energy creating new relationships with thousands of people around the country. Some of these people aren't as lucky as your San Diego pals, your inner circle in Marin or even people like me who have had to chance to talk with you face-to-face, bread bread and sleep over at your house.

The new "you" is also a brand, a persona and a book seller. You can't be everything to everyone all the time and you'll never please everyone.

My family does not support what I do at Giggle On AT ALL. You'd think I was selling heroin to toddlers. *laughs* Their lack of support did hurt for a while but I'm over it. I know my mission and my message and the only one who can really tear me down is me. Same goes for you.

We can help without judging others. Admittedly, it's not always easy.

I fall into the same trap you do:

ex. If my sister is so miserable, why doesn't she lose weight, stop smoking, go to marriage counseling? I say to myself "if she did X, Y and Z, I know she would be happier!" But this is my ego. I know what worked for me - exercise, eating healthier, yoga, creating a strong network of "glass-half-full" friends....but what works for me, or for you, doesn't work for everyone.

I received an email from the folks at the Daily Om talking about the difference between Judgment and Opinion - http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2010/26027.html Check it out Pinkie!

"It is important to distinguish between opinion and judgment. Opinions open us up, judgments close us down."

I'd recap this for you in Christa-Cliff Note fashion but I really have to pee (and my OP GYNO warned me about holding it - Lord knows I hate UTI's! lol)

LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!

Sparkly boobie squishes,
Christa

Thank you Lissa for your raw beauty -- your willingness to share with us, your readers, your journey through the shadows. It is liberating to hear -- and no, you are not alone.

I have been there before -- judging others for not digging deep into their passion, their purpose, their soul. Why? Maybe because I was not digging as deep as I wanted to. There was fear. What I have come to realize is that we all are on a sacred journey -- and whatever place we are on the path -- it's our truth in the moment -- and that is enough.

I find that whatever I am putting onto others is some shadow of myself that I have been unwilling to look at. Listening, compassion, and space have all proven to be great tools for me to release judgment of others, and ultimately of myself.

Thank you again for sharing your beautiful truth.

Tabby

Bless you all for your support. And Anonymous, I hear you. I know of some people (we won't name names) who are famous, are loved by the world, and whose team can't stand them. It's just not okay. We must take care of our own first and foremost...

Jennifer & DoubleSpiral, I'm gonna hound my mother to see if she can give me any more info about my birth time. Maybe the stars can help...
Love love love
Lissa

Oh, holy crap! I didn't even read Jennifer's comment before posting my own... Had I done so, I'd have also said, "...from one Pisces north node to another!" Yep, that's me all right! :~)

I so want to read your astrological chart, Lissa! We discussed it in the comment section of one of my posts a while back. I know you you don't have your exact time of birth but you did give me your birth date. Anyway, what you are describing is very Pisces North Node. I have that north node, as do a few of the OP bloggers (because we are close in age). We have a tendency to want to "fix" people, and be perfectionists, and well, kind of "control freaks" as well... We do have everyone's best interests at heart! : D

The North Node is about our life's purpose, and us Pisces North Node people are to stay submerged in Spirit. We are to really focus on our own spirituality, and do our own thing. By our example, living our lives in Spirit, we can transform others. Leading by example but not by directly trying to "fix." It's a hard lesson for me to learn - I keep having to remind myself!
You are doing a great job of this!!!

Also, other people have other North Nodes - other life purposes. Another lesson for us Pisces North Nodes is to recognize that everyone is at a different stage of personal "evolution." In your "spare time", you might want to google it. There's a lot of stuff out there about the North Nodes.

Jennifer
Astrologer, Educator &
Founder of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women