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If You Don't Make Money Are You Worthy?

Stacey Curnow's picture

When I was 8 years old, I remember my mom complaining that my dad was watching a program (probably sports) that no one else enjoyed. My dad looked at her and said, “It’s my TV. I paid for it, and I’ll watch whatever I want.”

I saw the look of hurt in my mom’s eyes and I remember thinking, “I will always make my own money. No one will ever say that to me.” And I have always made money, and no one has ever said anything like that to me.

When I was in my early 30’s (the ripe old age that my dad was when he made the statement about who owned the TV) I was in the position of making money when my husband didn’t. I gained understanding of how my father could say things to my mom on the basis of who “made the money.”

Quite simply, it is stressful and challenging to be the sole provider for a family, and there is a certain amount of understandable frustration that goes with it – that is, until you consider the fact that you always have a choice about how you feel.

And being completely responsible for the financial well-being of your family can either feel stressful or it can feel fantastic. (Which do you think I’ve chosen to feel?)

Repeating Patterns

Unfortunately, early in our relationship, I found myself perpetuating the errors of my father and I judged my husband for not making money and said demeaning things to him.

Fortunately, I knew that this was not the way I wanted to treat my husband, nor the way I wanted to be in the world. I sought counseling, and I’ll never forget my counselor saying, “You love Doug. You have a great relationship. But you want to leave him because he’s not a provider?”

At that moment I realized that Doug has always supported me in every way except financially. And what I’ve learned since then is that the thing you want most from your partner  - or anyone in your life (although this is a tall order for a mate, let alone a stranger) – is that they that see you and value you for exactly who you are. 

The support I want from my husband is his unfailing belief in me. And that’s how I learned what everyone deserves to hear in any relationship: “You are worthy. You are enough whether you make money or not. I love and believe in you no matter what.”

Doug’s faith in me helped me resign from my hospital job last year. That job satisfied many of my needs – to be of service, to make income to support my family – but was no longer my passion. No matter how great the health and dental benefits are, they’re not as compelling as the benefits that come from actualizing my creative dreams.

Doug and I don’t have a lot of savings now (we used to have quite a bit – over $20K – but they were invested in my business over the last 2 years), but we also have no consumer debt. We drive 16-year old cars and we practically own our home.

Plan B

Last year we formed a Plan B that we’d rent our house and live in Guatemala if we couldn’t bring in enough income to support us. But every month we make our “nut” and it doesn’t look like we’ll be moving south of the border any time soon.

Was it scary to dash the “security” of a good hospital job for the dream of designing my days exactly how I see fit? It was scary as Hell. But did you notice that I can’t even write “security” without quotes?

In our current economy, I don’t think any job is secure. Economy aside, life is rarely as secure as we think it is—and often what security we do have we acquire at the cost of something more important.

Here’s what is secure: my knowledge that no one – certainly not some hospital administrator - knows better than I do how to provide for me. That’s something I decided when I was eight, and my conviction has only gotten stronger every day since then.

Here’s what else is secure: Doug’s unwavering faith in me. I’ve learned to return that faith in him.  Of course, we don’t have guarantees that we’ll be successful in our creative endeavors (um, who does?), but we believe in each other no matter what.

What do you think it means to be worthy of love and respect?

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook, The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.

Comments

Unnikrishnan Balakrishnan's picture

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money and you's picture

Money is the source of living

Without money you cannot live here on Earth because you will die, you feel useless, you cannot have your own family if you have you will become burden to them. Also you are right money is the source of energy because it motivates you to work harder, to make your family happy when you can support your family.

Stacey Curnow's picture

Thanks!

Hi there!

Thanks so much for leaving your comment and sharing your perspective! I always appreciate hearing from the wonderful community at Owning Pink!

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook, The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.

Astrid's picture

Thank you for reminding me too :-)

Like Michelle, I'm also on the other side, the one who isn't making money (YET! I insist on the YET!).

I lose my faith from time to time for sure, lately more than before. For the past four years I've been trying to make it as a fiction author but that doesn't work out. Now going back to my former passion as a graphic designer/programmer and create apps for mobile devices. But I hadn't make enough money from that yet and I feel like a fake whenever I introduced myself to others.

I am lucky my husband supports and believes in me all these time. Although sometimes that made me feel even guiltier that I haven't contribute enough. I'm also feeling guilty for being at home all the time although I actually work from home.

I do agree with you about nothing is secure in this current economy. Which is why we should go with the thing we are most passionate with! I need to work on my feeling on this subject. I am definitely worthy of currently not making money.

Thanks for the discussion too, Michelle and Stacey :)

Stacey Curnow's picture

YET is the operative word!!

Hello dear Astrid!

Thanks so much for sharing your kind comment and your story! I'm SO delighted you got the take-away message I intended for this article, that you are indeed worthy NO MATTER WHAT!

I LOVE that your husband is so supportive of you and your dreams and so I REALLY hope you will look at the work you're most passionate about and pursue it with all your heart. I truly believe that the world needs YOU to share your gifts!

Did you know that Hay House has a new division that publishes fiction?? The CEO/President, Reid Tracy, says they're explicitly looking for fiction that is 90% "good story" with a 10% inspiration/personal development slant. Something tells me this is EXACTLY the kind of fiction you write. So GO FOR IT, okay?? I can't wait to read it!!

Big love to you and your dreams!!

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook, The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.

Michelle Medina's picture

Thank you for your belief in

Thank you for your belief in me!!
I am beginning to believe, but it's wonderful to know when I feel shaky that others believe in me to!

Stacey Curnow's picture

Yup. That's what we do! :-)

Hi again!

I doubt myself at least 10 times a day, and usually I can respond with love and kindness -- from a place of inner wisdom (Lissa's Inner Pilot Light!), but if that's not possible, I definitely rely on the faith of others! Sending you lots of love and faith!! xx

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook, The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.

Stacey Curnow's picture

*YOU* ARE SO WORTHY!!

Hey Michelle!

Thank you SO much for your kind comment! Your comment touched me deeply and really made my day!

Sadly, you're not alone in having thoughts of worthlessness based on your history of earning money...but I'm SO glad that you're not giving into them!!

You've inspired ME so much and contributed SO much to the world in service already and I KNOW you will make an even BIGGER impact with your work.

Bless YOU, Michelle and keep shining your BIG light in for all of us!!

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook, The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.

Michelle Medina's picture

Thank you Stacey!!

Thank you Stacey!! Smile.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure what 'work' I've done, but your comment encourages me to have another look at what I've done, not from the perspective of 'making money' but from the perspective of what I'VE DONE irrespective of whether or not it brought in income.

Stacey Curnow's picture

Money is just a form of energy

Exactly, Michelle!!

Money is just a form of energy, but there are all sorts of energy "currency" and you have given SO much in the way of service and inspiration -- and I just know you are going to get a HUGE return on your investment! :-)

Stacey is a purpose and success coach who helps you give birth to your BIG dreams. To find your purpose and passion, check out her FREE eBook, The Purpose and Passion Guidebook.

Michelle Medina`'s picture

Thank you for reminding me

Thank you for reminding me what's most important Stacey!!
I sometimes get caught up in the opposite trap, believing that I am not worthy because I'm not helping my family "enough". Here I am living off of SSI and not contributing to society and I'm worthless. Those are constantly recurring thoughts even as I work to change and overcome them.
So thank you for this beautiful reminder!!

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