I’m so f-cking pissed off I can hardly see straight. Excuse me while I stomp and scream…

Ok, I'm back. And still pissed. (Warning. More language ahead.)

It turns out that PG-13 Hollywood goes out of its way to hide women from ourselves and the men who love us, editing out authentic scenes of women enjoying their sexual beings. It’s no wonder I’ve spent too much of my life wondering what sexual “normalcy” looks and feels like.

We’ve come to expect inauthentic images of waif-thin models in the media, but here’s an example of an overt effort by the MPAA to mutilate an authentic, intimate moment on film of a woman enjoying herself with a man (not even sex!). Emily Browning, the actress in Sucker Punch, reported that her mild-but-genuine love scene with Jon Hamm was edited down to the point that instead of looking like she was “into it," it looked like he was taking advantage of her. According to Browning, the MPAA was “more comfortable with the idea of a girl being taken advantage of than with the idea of a young girl making her own choices in regards to her own sexuality” (reported on the Huffington Post). 

WTF?

The cultural standards-bearers required so much bastardized editing to approve it – so denuding its creative intent -- that the director cut the scene entirely. And this in the middle of a fishnet-wearing girlinator-style violence-fest where girls are apparently allowed every form of power except their sexual desire.

So a scene that genuinely portrays a woman's sexual excitement is too risqué, but making it look nonconsensual is ok -- that is what the MPAA considered would be acceptable to underage audiences!?!?!?!

I’m totally speechless. And f-cking pissed.

I’m not even going to blame the MPAA (though I do think whoever made that decision should feel ashamed and I’m glad the director had the presence of mind to cut it). And I’m not going to go off the deep end and say this is why rape is too damn prevalent in our society, because I think that anyone who commits an act of rape is 1000% responsible for their own actions, is committing a horrendous crime against humanity, and should be shut away in a dark hole until they rot and die.

Instead, I’m going to blame all of us – the adult men and women in our culture -- for perpetuating this inauthentic, twisted and oh-so-sad view of feminine sexuality we give our daughters. This myth that they must make the "Sophie’s Choice" between being a Madonna or a Whore. As a culture we’re just a bunch of insecure hypocrites who will accept an R rating to see a person sawed in half but hide real sex behind an X. We’re a bunch of prude, insecure, bitches and bastards that are so afraid of our sexuality we can’t bear to see it genuinely portrayed because of what it makes women feel: raw, pure, beautiful, arousing power.

And because we are so afraid of this power, we perpetuate this myth that good girls don’t like sex and have to practically be raped in order to accept it. We degrade beautiful words like "pussy"; we shun breathtaking images like our bodies in their pudgy and perfect natural states; and we do this in the name of an acceptable culture for our children – trying to help our daughters and sons define “normal” by suppressing the real and authentic feminine power in the girls and women among us. F-ck. F-ck. F-ck. F-ck! That is so twisted and wrong.

Think I’m being too harsh?

Maybe I am, but I’m this pissed off because this is how I felt for over 20 years of my adult life. I was a sexually abused as a child. I was a product of this f-cking mess. And I’m still trying to sort it all out (witness, this column). Yes, I’m angry. So angry I am just crying inside at how many beautiful girls and women have been told by “us” – our media and our religious elite especially – to shove away their real feelings of desire, to morph their power into stiletto heels and manipulative behavior “to control their men” instead of share in the merging of divine powers. I’m crying at a society that can blame an 11 year old girl for her own gang rape by 18 men  – in this country. In 2011! This is what we expect to hear about “savages” in other countries, but we can’t hide from the fact that we are the savages too.

F-ck.

What is our path out of savagery? We can’t expect the men to do it for us, ladies. It’s time for us to step past the fear and discover our sexuality for ourselves. Play with yourself. Play with your girlfriend. Read the sex blogs. Read Shameless and follow Pamela. Get thee to an S Factor class. Look at porn (well, not all of it. Just find the real stuff – it’s in there, don’t worry I’ll find it for you -- stay tuned). Make wild love to your man and/or woman. Do whatever you can to find and OWN your own sexuality and ignore the whole f-cking world that tells you you’re anything less than beautiful, pure and powerful when you do so.

Because you are exactly that when you own it. You are stunningly gorgeous, perfect and pulsing with the most primal, sacred and unique power known to humankind. It’s in you. Inside you. Living and breathing and wanting so badly to come out into the light and be seen, and stroked and loved. Let it out. Find a safe place and bring it into the light.

Ladies, if you don’t own it yourself, you leave it to the rest of US. And we are a twisted bunch of savage bitches and bastards. We can’t be trusted to tell you what your pussy likes. Why? Because we don’t know. You know. ONLY you know. Find it. Own it.

Still breathing hard...

(Two days later: Ok. I’m back. I think I’m over the worst of it. Thanks for sitting through my catharsis. Reread it and hardly changed a word. I’m still angry. Are you? What does this issue do to you? Does it embarrass you? Make you want to turn away? Excite you because you are on your own path of exploration and owning it? Make you sad? Hopeful? Fearful? Let it out please. I did, and I’m ready to catch whatever you throw and whoever you throw it at.)