What if everything we said mattered?

Over the last several weeks the world has gotten another lesson in the power of loose lips on the Internet when Shirley Sherrod, a government official who spoke her truth in public, was vilified by the right wing, fired by the government and then supported and – finally – apologized to. The whole episode, which took a personal toll on Ms. Sherrod and political tolls on the conservative media, NAACP and the Obama administration, all started because one individual – an individual blogger – took a bit of film footage (not the whole clip) and circulated it with his own interpretation to the web. And people who wanted to believe his version of the truth paid attention – including the powerful conservative media - passed it on, supported him and created a total public relations debacle out of an incomplete piece of video.

That one man caused a lot of trouble with his opinion. And he’s being sued for it.

Regardless of what we think about his opinion and the publicity firestorm that came after it, we can’t deny that what he said mattered and had impact.

How are we any different?

The Fear of Personal Responsibility

We’re used to believing that what we think, say and do has little impact on the world. After all, most of us feel ignored a lot. Our single vote barely feels like it counts. The problems of the world are so friggin’ big that our shout against it or cry out or whimper or angry rant just feels like it falls into the vacuum. (I’m not whining, just sayin’.) In the wash of so much stuff going on around us, it’s easy to feel lost, unheard and underappreciated. It’s also easy to use this as an excuse to say whatever the hell we think.

A lot of the time, this is just fine. In fact, it’s more than fine because it’s human nature to hang out with people that think and believe like we do. We surround ourselves with people that reinforce our own view of the world. That’s ok. It’s part of how we keep from going crazy (at least it’s one of favorite toys in the sanity sandbox). But left unchecked, this tendency towards hangin’ with our ideological buds can lead towards narrow mindedness or – worse – the belief that the way we view the world (personally and as a group) is the right way. The longer I live the more convinced I am that there is no such thing as pure right and wrong, only a bunch of incomplete views of reality. Don’t know what I mean? Check out the Blind Men and the Elephant again, perhaps the most insightful tale every written.

I’m just as guilty of this tendency towards ideological purism as the next person and it’s things like Ms. Sherrod’s story that remind me of why it’s so important to guard against. Ms. Sherrod’s story reminds me that if I say something you agree with and you pass it on, and it goes on and on and on, gaining momentum out of popularity, I am responsible for some part of that phenomenon. I am not responsible for your adoption of it, but I am responsible for my personal statement; or if I’m passing it on, I’m responsible for the act of passing it on and continuing to keep the idea alive in the collective consciousness of our world.

And responsibility can be a heavy weight to bear. I think this is why we often don’t think about our responsibility for perpetuating ideas and opinions. Just imagine that everything you said could turn into a Shirley Sherrod debacle? Gah! We’d never say anything, would we? Many times we do let this fear override us and we stay silent when we shouldn’t. We close ourselves down to what we really feel and believe. We silence the words that want to come out because we’re too afraid of the price we “might” have to pay. We put on masks to hide what we really think and feel. And after too much of this, we end up lost from ourselves and living in fear.

And this sucks. A lot. We don’t like it. It feels bad. Icky. Hurtful. Angry. And then we want to break free and speak our truth and say what we feel and believe. And this is good – but it doesn’t take away from the fact that what we say still matters – to the people immediately around us or, maybe accidentally through today’s media, to the whole world.

The Joy of Speaking Our Truth

Living in fear is not the answer, nor is blattting out everything we feel without filters which are sensitive and appropriate to the environment. (Personally, I blatt out rather unfilteringly in certain company and to my poor, tattered journals.)

There is true joy to be found in speaking our truth and proclaiming it to the world, even when it’s not popular with some people – often especially then. Speaking your truth is important -- it’s healing, it’s how we become more us. When we open our mouths and speak from our hearts and our spirits, our hearts and our spirits come out into the world and they change the world. When we speak our truth, what we say matters even more. And the fact that all of our truths are different – even opposing – is just fine. Because the world is always changing anyway, as are we.

The more we speak our truths, the more the world changes according to our truths, and not according to our lies and our games and our deceits, even our unconscious ones.

Sure there is risk. I bet after having been excoriated on the web and fired, Ms. Sherrod wondered if she’d made the biggest mistake of her life actually telling the truth to the NAACP about part of her personal growth and revelation as a black woman participating in racism. But now she’s received an apology from the President and from Fox News and is a nationally recognized figure whose opinions just might reach even more ears. If I were her, I’d be thinking long and hard about all I could accomplish after this odd turn of events left me with a platform and a message. She may not have chosen to the spokeswoman for a new dialog on race, but she’s being given the opportunity. It’s a big responsibility, but I’m betting she’s up to it.

Our Opportunity to Change the World

Just think about this. What you say matters. What I say matters. Words have the power to change the world. This is awesome. But it makes me wonder: how am I using my words? Am I wasting them? Do I really mean everything I say? Am I taking responsibility for the changes I may bring into being with my words?

Stop for a moment and just imagine that everything you say, matters.

If you really believed that, how would you speak? And where do your words come from? They come from your thoughts. Words are just thoughts with sound. And where do your thoughts come from? They come from your intentions, which are a fascinating blend of feelings, beliefs and desires. Maybe this is why our intentions have the power to shape our life and our world.

This all sounded like mumbo jumbo to me about six years ago when I was first introduced to the idea of intention (which I’d been practicing accidentally for decades). But one day my wonderful yoga teacher asked us to just let go of any angry or fearful thoughts for an hour during our practice. She urged us to make sure that our yoga studio was absent any angry or fearful energy. She invited us to imagine a world without anger and fear. I have a good imagination and in that room on that day, I experienced what universal peace felt like, and I’ve been infected ever since. I have learned, practicing this feeling (which ain’t always easy!), that when I speak from this space of universal peace and love, my words have tremendous power.

Individuals are the Unit Power

It’s true. When we speak our truth with heart and love and spirit, our words are more powerful. It’s not just the conviction with which we speak, but something deeper and even more intangible. When we speak our truth with genuine, pure love, it is God’s voice joining with ours that reverberates in between the sound waves. Our truth, spoken in love, is one of God’s tools to mold and change our world. If you are in awe of the Dalai Lama as I am, this is what we are in awe of. And as he says, you have this power too. We all do.

But even without the power of universal love and peace in every word we speak, our words affect the world around us. And because our words and thoughts can be so powerful, we all bear responsibility for making sure that we truly believe what we say and that our words are really in line with our values. To exercise our power mindfully, we need to be very clear on what we believe. 

I believe that we are all responsible for speaking as though our words really matter.

As everyone involved in the Shirley Sherrod drama has discovered – and as I learn daily when talking to my friends, colleagues and loved ones - quite often, they do.

Honoring Silence

A wise man once said something like, “a powerful person is one who chooses not to use their power.” There is much wisdom in these words. When we are unclear of the impact of our words, or do not think they are necessary; it can be very wise to keep them to ourselves. If this feels uncomfortable, ask yourself why. What is it that compels you to speak? What matters so much, that you must put it out into the world? Sometimes, you will discover a truth you’ve been hiding from yourself and realize that you DO need to speak it, even when you don’t know the impact on others. Sometimes you will find that your ego just wants a stroke, and maybe that’s not worth the risk of offending others. Just ask the question and listen for a response. Maybe there is a learning there for you. I know there is for me, very often. And when others wish to hold their tongues, honor their decision. If they are in pain, be with them. If they are afraid or angry, withhold judgment and let them release it. If they are busting with joy, be joyful with a smile and hug. Silence can be powerful too.

What does this bring up for you? How do you walk the balance between speaking your truth and being sensitive to the feelings of those around you? What did Ms. Sherrod’s journey show you about the fears and joys and opportunities of speaking your truth publicly? This subject has caused a lot of discussion within Owning Pink as we ask ourselves about our responsibility as a web site encouraging people to speak their truths while also being an advocate for responsible blogging. I’d like to know your thoughts.

Endnote: To be a responsible blogger myself, I searched out the full video of Shirley Sherrod's original speech to make sure this example was a good one for the point I was trying to make. What I saw was a woman speaking her truth with honesty and humility. For those interested, the controversial section of the video is between minutes 16:30 and minute 22. She also makes a passionate case for bringing down the barriers between the races and challenges the NAACP to start the change (minutes 25-31). The rest of the video is enlightening to see the elephant through the eyes of someone who grew up, through and beyond the racism that shaped her from the time of her father's murder as a child. I now have even deeper respect for the courage Ms. Sherrod has shown from the beginning of her ordeal. I hope we hear a lot more from her in the future.