It came through me like a powerful wind. I looked down at my hands and noticed I was no longer in complete control. Certainly I was allowing it to happen. But the words were writing themselves. Whatever was coming out was now flowing through me, not from me. I felt that if I paused, this wave of inspiration would be gone forever. I raced to keep up with it.
When the words finally stopped, a wave of powerful emotions and questions surfaced. Where did this message come from? The world I had painted was incredible to me. Could we get there in my lifetime? And why did I receive this message? Who was I to take this out into the world? How would I even go about doing this let alone talk about it? It just seemed too big.
For months I sat with it, not telling anyone. One day the urge to tell people outweighed my fear of rejection, and I sent it to a few friends. A few weeks later I sent it out to a couple more. Within a few months I posted a part of it up on my site. Although that first part of the vision still felt a bit ‘out there’, it was the more approachable piece of the two. And I needed something to be public. My heart was pounding. Why was it so difficult to express what came so naturally from such a deep place within?
I find this to be true of so many friends and clients. They can be terrified to bring their full selves into the world. I feel inspired by what they write, by the personal transformations they experience, by the prophetic visions and unique services they bring into the world. I cheer them on as they take a stand and finally express what their soul yearns to have others know. Nothing seems too crazy to me when it speaks from a deep place within their heart. I am their cheerleader.
But when it comes to my own message, I can feel wobbly. I understand the pain my clients go through. I feel their fear. How will I make it a reality? Will people think I’ve gone over the deep end? Will this threaten my livelihood in some way if I put it out there?
Where does all this come from? I find it curious that what we most want others to know and experience -- our gifts, our vision, our contributions to the world -- we can often struggle with to our core. It can be like different parts of ourselves urging us to slow down or stop altogether -- ‘the image consultant’, ‘the skeptic’, ‘the perfectionist’…and so many more inner voices that seem to surface from thin air.
It’s such an odd experience when I think about it. These parts are like little characters in a movie who all have their roles to play. They help me to move forward and live in the world more safely and securely. But when they begin to run the show, I can become them. Their fears become my fears. I live through their lens of the world. I suddenly am the skeptic, the image consultant, the perfectionist. I forget who I really am beneath all of the layers.
I know these parts are not there to harm me. They are my protectors. They protect me from exposing myself in some way before I’m ready to experience what I’m giving voice to. For that I am grateful. But I know they can work overtime too. They can hold back the bigger “Me” from coming through if I’m not aware of what’s really happening. It’s in these times that a dialogue with them has transformed my experience and allowed me to really understand what’s lying beneath the surface. The more I’ve understood their needs, the more these little parts have loosened their grip. It has been the shear act of kindness to all of these little characters and the support of very wise and caring souls around me that has ultimately paved the way for me to bring my vision into the world.
If there is something in you as well that aches to come alive, please know that there is a community of people here who are ready to support you when you’re ready. Whether you are a guest blogger, avid reader, or you just stopped by recently to see what we’re all about. There are just too many changes to make in this world to let your voice go unheard. So many messages and gifts waiting to surface that can ultimately heal the world and bring it back into balance.
This is our time to make these new realities known…to attract those who will support us as we do our best to live the message we’ve received. I feel very grateful for the Owning Pink community and the support that it provides. That we all provide.
And with that, I leave you with two things. The first is a question:
What kind of world do you want to live in that your heart already knows?
And, finally, one of my favorite quotes from the great poet, Jack Gilbert, who once said to a young writer, “Do you have the courage to bring forth this work? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say YES.”
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