I’m not a fan of the phrase “midlife crisis.”

In 1965, Canadian psychologist Elliot James coined the phrase to describe that time in a person’s life when they begin to confront the idea of their own mortality.

Now that I’m 50, I don’t see the crisis in any of that.  Reflection has always been an important part of my journey.  How do you know if you’re where you want to be, if you don’t take a break from time to time and think about it?

Besides, “crisis” is an inflammatory word.  It implies that midlife is a time for freaking out.  The media perpetuates this idea.  Aren’t we all supposed to shake our heads and say “tut tut” when we see that newly divorced silver-haired  guy sharing space in his shiny new convertible with a much younger version of his wife?

Whatever we hear in the media, research indicates that fewer than 10% of people in the middle of their lives actually have an age-induced “crisis.” 

I have a different view of midlife.  Because I’m there.  I’m one of the 90 percenters, though.  No crisis.  Just hope.  And possibility.

Just over one year ago, I ran away from home to find myself.  I already knew where everyone else was.

Permission

Since then, I’ve made some real and important changes to my life.  The most important change I made was that I gave myself permission to do the one thing I’ve always wanted to do – to be a catalyst for change. 

For many years now, my dream has been to write, speak, and teach about things that inspire women to more fully embrace their one beautiful life.  I’m fascinated by things like adversity, triumph, hope, and possibility.

Yes, the truth is that there are more years behind me than ahead of me.  But I’m not freaked out by that reality.

Instead, I feel empowered.

For me, the idea that more than half of my life is over is a long-awaited “permission slip” that gave me the go-ahead to take a turn in my own life.  Not only that, the reality that there are certainly fewer years ahead of me than behind me is a powerful fear buster.

I’m not having a crisis.

I’m having a revival!

I came away from my “midlife reflection weekend” committed to my dream to help others. I began to study how a woman like me – someone whose life was actually pretty complicated because of the commitments already in play – how THAT woman might begin to carve out a little space for her own dream.  That thing that was Uniquely Hers.

My life became my laboratory.

And so I made a study of it.  And found out some really cool tricks to creating the life you want without sacrificing the things that are already working. 

If you’re interested in crafting your own comeback, here are 5 strategies that will lead you toward success:    

1. Think Small – really, really small.  When planning your comeback, the early stages should almost always be a series of small, daily micro-experiments.  Order something new at lunch.  Take a risk at the hair salon.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but when you start small, you are almost certain to succeed.  And early success keeps you going.  Plus, these small DAILY adjustments quickly add up to something meaningful.
2. Let Go of All Worry – ooh, I can hear some of you Professional Worriers now, defending your “right” to worry.  And I can empathize, because I used to spend more time in worry than I do today.  When I thought it through, though, here’s what I found:   worry changes nothing.  Action does.  So, if you have worries, what you need to do is take action.  Each day, take one small micro-action (see suggestion one) toward solving the situation that creates your worry.  Then, let it go.  You don’t get to think about it anymore.  Until tomorrow.  When you take your next small micro-action to move beyond your difficulties.
3. Start a Comeback Journal – get a brand new pristine journal to record all your comeback actions, experiments and such in.  I have little foil stars and hearts for mine.  It’s important to have a lovely place to keep track of it all.  Spend a few minutes with your Comeback Journal every day.   Even if you felt you did NOTHING to move your life forward, the thing that you did do was record that much.
4. Stick with the Winners, NOT the Whiners – You know what I mean here.  If you want to really truly make changes in your life, you’re going to have to avoid people who want to enable you to give up too soon.  If you don’t feel fulfilled in your life, you probably have a small cadre of friends whom you “commiserate” with.  Stop that.  No more co-misery for you.  Instead, seek out a tribe of women who will support you, sustain you, and build you up. 
5. Insist on Joy – Every day.  Here’s what I’ve learned about joy.  Joy is a DECISION.  It’s a decision about the way you approach your life.  When you insist on living joyfully, you don’t necessarily change ONE THING about the way you are living, the stuff you are doing.  Nope.  Living with an attitude of joy is your commitment to doing “the same old same old” with a newfound attitude of gratitude and appreciation.   But here’s the coolest thing – that attitude, that commitment to joy will start to attract other joys to your life.  Gratitude, joy, enthusiasm, appreciation are all powerful love magnets.  Practice them daily.

Once I made the decision to love my life, everything else seemed to fall in place.  No crisis.  Just hope, possibility, and the conviction that life is indeed gorgeous! 

It’s really not too late.  Nope.  Not unless you say it is.

Love, Jennifer

P.S.  If you’re ready to plan your revival,  please let me know how I can help.  You can leave a comment here or reach out to me over at Life After Tampons (dot) com.  Some of our readers are getting ready to participate in a small group workshop called “Craft Your Comeback.”  If you’re interested in learning more about that, read this.