The Messy Creation of My Owning Pink

I sit here thinking about writing for Owning Pink and how the stories posted here are usually written by, for and about women.

But it is not only women who lose their MOJO.

If I am going to write for Owning Pink, it’d be good to share how my world was recently unraveled and what Owning Pink really means to me.

My story begins with being unexpectedly divorced and being absolutely crushed by becoming a single daddy.

I’ve been putting my pieces back together which has me standing on my own two feet, having gained new understanding of what being a parent means and being open to life in a way that I really wasn’t before.

The truth is I am more alive and self-expressed than I would have believed possible a year ago.

The Story of Pink Mercy and Tenacious Mojo

It was almost exactly one year ago when my wife of ten years shared that she had fallen in love with our Pediatrician and that she was leaving our marriage.

It is a gross understatement to say that this came as quite a surprise since this was the same week we were to launch our website for a new parent training company after a full year of co-planning.

It was as if a bomb had gone off, with my ears ringing, my mind not able to focus, like some internal shrapnel had ripped my heart open from the inside out.

An Almost “Eat Pray Love” Moment

When I could breathe and think again, which believe me, took some time, I started having fantasies about my Elizabeth Gilbert moment.

I saw myself traveling the world, eating to my heart’s content, praying with distant Gurus and loving like Rumi. I saw myself running away towards distant adventures.

Except, in my fantasies, I had forgotten my children who were only one and five at the time, and who needed my attention like they never had before.

So, there I was, in reality, learning how to be a single daddy four nights a week and putting back the pieces that had blown apart.

Beyond Healing Alone

I jumped into Therapy, sweat lodges, Sufi prayers, anything that would have me run head first into the pain, knowing that avoiding it was just going to make it last longer.

But working on myself wasn't the only key to my healing. It primarily came through facing my own fears of worthlessness and learning that Owning Pink is about sharing in a community of others.

I don’t know if it was Divine Wisdom or some horrible cosmic joke, but four weeks after the initial implosion of my marriage, a spiritual mentor of mine asked me to teach a six month course, with her, on couples becoming intimate.

"Uh, you know my wife just left our relationship don't you."

"Yes Jason. No matter how hard you try to be perfect you won't change her experience."

It’s true that for years I had also been trying to turn myself inside out to become the impossibly perfect mate.

So, after some prayer and several thoughts that my spiritual mentor and I both might be crazy, I said yes to the invitation.

Creation is Messy

A year later I can look back and know that being a yes was a new beginning in my Owning Pink.

And although beautiful, the creation of Pink is really messy. It's where the light of white and all things good smear with the red of blood, sweat, and tears to create this amazing color, emotion, and experience.

For six months I showed up, shared what didn't work in my relationship, guided couples to connect passionately, and witnessed that we're all human.

We all want love and at times push people away from us. Those six months were filled with beauty and hell: The beauty of watching couples reach for each other and the hell of grieving the loss of my marriage.

Being mostly on the other side of it all, I now see how Owning Pink, to me, is a process of going into the places that scare us most.

I share my story because I know you've experienced crisis too. Just like me, you've had the unexpected come up and clobber you, leaving the wind blown out of your soul, and floundering for direction.

Are You Owning Pink?

So, I'm curious to know what challenges are you facing and how are you Owning Pink?

I’ll be sharing more in upcoming posts about sex, money, and the odd and amazing world of being a parent.

Humbly Alive and Owning Pink,

Jason