Being authentic isn't always easy, and the whole Santa thing is a big impediment. As a Jewish mom I always skated a fine line between respect for my kids' dad's religion and a sincere desire to never lie to my children. Because that's what the Santa fantasy is- a big lie, a LIE that parents are supposed to tell their children while we're trying to teach them not to tell lies.

When my husband died my son already believed, so of course I couldn't trash his feelings. I just circumvented the issue. When he came to me saying, "Mom, some kids at school say that Santa's not real," I'd reply, "Well, what do YOU think?" I figured sooner or later he'd decide on his own that he didn't need Santa anymore, and I'd just suffer through until that happened.

I figured wrong. As a brilliant child with a profound imagination, he believed more deeply in Santa than anything. Last year I worried that this year he'd be going to middle school, where the kids know better and can be extremely cruel. So I broke the news to him in bed one night and broke his heart. I can still see the tears streaming down his face as I explained that Santa's actually an idea, the concept of anonymous giving, that took form because little kids can more easily understand it in concrete terms. He followed up by asking about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, and was devastated at the reply.

I have since realized that Santa actually is COUNTERproductive. Here we are a year later, and after that Santa fiasco he now doubts that G_d is real either. Isn’t He why Christians invented Santa in the first place? I seem to have killed Santa and G_d in one fell swoop. Looking back at that development I have also concluded that children currently see Christmas as being all about GETTING. Santa removes all responsibility from children for the holiday. After all, why worry about what someone else wants or needs when they can just ask Santa for it?

Call me Scrooge, but I think it’s about time for that cute red-cheeked old fat man to put his reindeer out to pasture, hang up his red suit, and retire from the flying business. Maybe it won’t encourage parents to teach their children honesty by example. Maybe it won’t encourage teaching children the importance of selfless giving with no expectation of return. At least it won’t make it harder for parents who see the value of teaching those lessons to their children.

And yes, I did instruct him not to share this information with the other kids. He understands all too well the devastation of having someone burst your bubble. I only wish I could have saved him that pain.

I don't have children but I was a child and I am still a bit of her. I loved Santa and still do. I don't think my parents tried to make me beleive in Santa, they were easy about it. So I think I had a flexible fantasy about it. When I was about 8 my sister told me that Santa wasn't real and that it was Mom and Dad. I was upset with her and went to my Mom to find out. She said "What do you think?" and because she wasn't attached to whether I believed or not and she left it up to me I felt relief and continued to believe in the fantasy because it pleased me. I don't think you should worry about about what your daughter may or may not say to the other children. I wouldn't encourage her to keep her knowledge a secret either. She will likely know that the others believe in Santa in the same way that she believes in fairies and wouldn't even imagine that she has to set them straight by telling them anything, do you know what I mean? My mother didn't tell me not to tell the other kids. I recommend that you read the book "The Santa Story: Revisited--How to Give Your Children a Santa They Will Never Outgrow" by Arita Trahan with Norma Eckroate. From the back cover: "Trahan gives us a magical Santa with no expiration date, a Santa that inspires an even more generous focus for the holidays." I'm quite sure you'll like it.
Mary Beth Bruce

Hey Lissa,
This one's a hard one cause I don't have kids either, but I always have an opinion LOL! I think you are dead on with what you would say to Siena. I don't think that not telling something should be considered a lie. You are right about it being about compassion & not raining on someone else's parade.

I have an issue with the commercialism of Christmas, but not with the jolly fat guy himself. I wish that people would just be positive about the holidays no matter what they celebrate. I know what I believe so I have no problem with others believing differently. I think that there's a lot of positive with the season. People get together more, lots of yummy food that is seasonal, people give more to others & the illusion of what Santa represents is a good thing. So "yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" but it's also okay not to believe if you feel like it!
Good luck! Oh yeah, Merry Christmas too!!!

I don't have kids, so I don't really have to worry about this yet. maybe I'll change my mind once I do.

I discovered Santa wasn't real WAY too old. but kind of felt cheated and naive. I guess I'd rather have known he wasn't real than feel so stupid at discovering he wasn't.

As far as Christmas is concerned, I'm an out and about non-Christian atheist. I have a healthy respect for the Druids though (and practice my own form of Taoism). If it were up to me, my kids wouldn't ever celebrate Christmas. We'd celebrate Yule and dance around the fire at the solstice. Maybe. Depends on if it's raining.

But I live in the real world. As a single adult, I can shun Christmas easily. I refuse to participate. But with kids? I'll have to cave, I'm sure. And it's likely there will be a partner in my life who will have an opinion on Christmas and the whole Santa thing.

What I think is this: a little harmless imagination isn't all bad. I disagree with the consumerism. And I disagree with bribing kids to behave. But if pressed, I'll let the fantasy live for the early years most likely. And I don't think I'd ask my child to lie. That's akin to hiding your religious beliefs or sexuality simply because it's different. And that doesn't jibe with me.