Photo credit: A.Schwin

Several weeks ago I had two strangely juxtaposed relationship experiences that really helped me to shed some light on my current quest for love. I realized that I’m done with dating guys who are just around, available, and interested. I’m done with the wining, whining, and dining. I’m done having a relationship that I know isn’t going in the direction I want it to go, just for the sake of having a relationship at all. As my life coach, Brian, reminds me on a regular basis, “You get what you settle for.”

So now that I know what I’m done with, I have to figure out what I’m really looking for. Slowly, a fuzzy list is coming into view. Each new date brings me a little closer to figuring it all out, though I think I’m still a bit far from clarity.

Stay home and get out there

Among my friends, I’m an online dating pro. I have tried almost all of them, and I am constantly in search of new ways to connect with potential suitors. Today, we are as likely to meet our next date online as we are at any kind of in-person social gathering. (Thank you, Internet. You’ve given us more ways to mingle and grown the size of the party!)

The sites I’ve had more luck with are Chemistry.com, Howaboutwe.com, and okcupid.com. Chemistry.com is a paid site and the other two are free. Surprisingly, I’ve had more luck on the free sites. Go figure!

Coming of age

Sounds so glamorous, right? Young and single in New York City. In my 20s it was awesome, truly. Now, in my 30s, I realize that I may actually be ready to find The One. Honestly, I don’t think I was ready to be in long-term committed relationships before. I had them, but always felt suffocated and not myself in them. Now that I’ve come into my own in the other areas of my life, it seems like the time is finally right for romance to fall into its rightful place. Had I met The One before now, I am sure I would have botched it. So, thank you Universe for letting me have my fun and allowing me to grow up before sending him my way.    

The two sides of relationships

Here’s where I’m going to loop together two very different, oddly juxtaposed experiences from a few weeks ago.

First: I was talking to a friend of mine who explained a recent situation with her boyfriend. She wants to change careers so arranged an informational interview with a new potential employer.  Right before the interview, her boyfriend got her all worked up (on purpose?) with comments like “you’re not qualified to work there” and “why don’t you just stay where you are now, you change jobs too much, you aren’t dedicated…” I was horrified and my friend was in tears. She supports her boyfriend’s ideas all of the time and for him to not reciprocate feels just plain cruel.

And second: Several hours later, I went to a friend’s wedding. (I love irony.) They were so giddy, in love, and smiling so wide I thought their faces might crack. It was cute. Very cute. My only sadness was that in order to have a guest at the wedding, you needed to be engaged or married. All of my friends at the wedding met that criteria and had a "plus one" with them. I, obviously, did not. I am sure my friend just didn’t realize how incredibly awkward this would be for me. My friends at the wedding were more than gracious, beyond wonderful on the dance floor, but it still felt weird.

Not Mr. Right, but Mr. Right For Me

These two experiences got me thinking. I’m not looking for a perfectly crafted Mr. Right in the fairytale romance kind of way. But I am looking for Mr. Right For Me: someone who supports my dreams and has dreams of his own, too. Someone who's happy to be my "plus one" at a very cute and potentially-awkward wedding. Someone a little quirky and off-beat. Someone who is happy with his life and still striving for more happiness. Someone who’s laid-back and can fun it up. Nerdy. Sense of humor. Avid traveler. Must love dogs. That’s not so much to ask for, is it?

What about you? What are some of your best examples of successful relationships? How important is it for partners to support one another's interests, even if they don't share them? How did you know you were ready for a "plus one?"

Christa