Body Image

Next week I’m going on a trip to Hawaii. My husband organized it for our 3rd wedding anniversary. When he told me, I felt ecstatic to be taking a week off to go on vacation. I am still ecstatic. But I also had the dreaded realization that I don’t have a bathing suit! In the past, I have found bathing suit shopping depressing. I’d rather go to the gym (which I avoid on a daily basis)!

I’ve always had wide hips and a round tummy, and it has always taken a little while to find the right bathing suit. But this time I decided I would take a different approach. Oddly, as I began mapping out my strategy to find the perfect bathing suit, I was reminded of the strategies I used to implement to find a man -- and the differences in how I would look for a man 10 years ago compared to how I would look for a man now.

Finding the Perfect Bathing Suit and Finding the Perfect Mate

1. Rather than wandering out in the world in search of the perfect bathing suit, without knowing what I was looking for, I did some research. I found a magazine article that gave suggestions for bathing suits that complement different body shapes. This way I knew what I was looking for. As a result, I had a much easier time finding it. How this relates to finding a relationship: It is almost impossible to find the one you are looking for when you don’t know what you are looking for. If you don’t know what’s important to you, you won’t notice that person when s/he shows up!
2. Once I got to the store, rather than looking for the hottest or most fashionable suit I could find, I found myself looking for styles that would compliment me, as I am, right now! Rather than focusing only on the hottest trends in fashion, I looked for fashion I would feel good and could be relaxed in. How this relates to finding a mate: While it’s important to be attracted to the person you will create a relationship with, hot is likely not the most important quality you are looking for. Look for someone you can be yourself with and relax around. Look for someone who will respect you and take care of you. Look for someone you can share everything with – including your dreams and fears.
3. As I spotted bathing suits that would draw attention to the parts of my body I really love, rather than those I find more challenging to love, I realized that it’s important for me to know and have my attention on what I love about myself. There are parts of my body and my personality I love quite easily. The more I focus attention on those, the better I feel. How this relates to relationships: The better you feel about yourself, the more you radiate and catch the attention of potential mates, who may pass you by if you’re sulking about the parts of yourself you struggle to love.
4. I also found myself looking for a bathing suit that would support the parts of my body that aren’t as firm or strong as they used to be. I needed a little extra help and I found it in a one-piece suit that has extra fabric over the belly and a bikini with tassels over the belly. How this relates to relationships: It’s so important to accept help. Men especialy tell me they feel useless when women don’t receive help. (Not to mention you’ll feel exhausted and resentful if you’re doing it all yourself.) Look for someone who will support you, and who recognizes that you are not strong in every area and doesn’t need you to be.

Finding a bathing suit was an exercise in self-love and patience. So is seeking out a relationship. As I started to love and accept myself more, great men started showing up in my life. The more you love and accept yourself, the easier everything becomes.

I was also patient and didn’t settle. I knew I wanted a partner who saw love as a spiritual journey, on which we would support each other in loving deeper and living more fully. I knew I wanted a partner who shared my values and treated me as the amazing woman I am. When you settle it seems like the people you’re looking for don’t exist. It can take the risk of letting go of potential mates who don’t meet you to realize that those who do meet you, really exist.

In love with myself first,
Shana