It's eighth grade. A school dance. I'm that kid in the corner. The one who watches the guys and the girls getting closer even though they don't know what they're doing.

And I envy them from afar. I envy their willingness to push their bodies together, to feel the heat, the tension, the mystery of sexuality between them.

It wasn't until college that I kissed a girl. It wasn't until sophomore year that I lost my virginity. And now, while I'm enjoying an amazing relationship with a sexy lady who's also my best friend, I find that I still have tension when it comes to body contact on the dance floor. Not so much with my girlfriend, but with other women, yes.

Old stories & aliveness

I imagine it stems from an old story I have: that sexual energy might hurt someone, it's reserved for good reason, and that it can only be directed at one person when I am in a committed relationship.

I've been questioning those stories these days.

Sexual energy seems to be everywhere. It occurs between me and my friends, between me and the check-out person, between my girlfriend and the people she meets in her day. It doesn't mean we're dropping our pants in public, but we are definitely engaged with an energy that we could just as easily call a life-force. And what else does sex do besides help us gain pleasure in the process of creating life?

So if I see you on the street and all we do is share a gaze, and I look at you in a way that makes you feel alive, then I've shared something very special with you. We could call it sexual energy, life-force or whatever we want.

You feel alive, I feel alive, and I still go home to my girlfriend, give her a big passionate hug and kiss and feel my love for her as my main squeeze. The person I share a life with. The person I open up to. She is my love, and you all are my loves in different ways.

My hope is that I become more comfortable sharing my aliveness, my sexual energy, with everyone by way of embracing it in myself. By giving myself permission to take up space with juicy excitement and passion. And if by being in that place, it becomes contagious or in any way gives others a chance to feel some of that energy, then I've been true to myself and I've also shared a gift.

What more could I want?

How do you relate to sexual energy in daily life? Do you feel yourself exchanging a sort of life-force with strangers, friends, family because it is emanating from your very being? What's it like for you?