A couple of months ago, when both Dr. Christiane Northrup and her daughter Kate both raved about having done sessions with cranio-sacral therapist and energy healer Melanie Ericksen, I was intrigued. But then, when I got three emails about her in one day, I took it as a Sign From the Universe that I was supposed to have a session myself. When I discovered that Melanie, who lives in Florida, was scheduling sessions in the NY at the same time I would be in New York for the BlogHer conference, I knew it was kismet.

But I had no clue what to expect. Little did I know what was coming.

While I reclined, fully clothed, on a massage table, Melanie began by putting her hands on my feet and asking me what my intentions for the session were. I told her that I had a lot of fear/anxiety/sense of vulnerability coming up for me regarding my then-upcoming book tour for What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend. She said, “Of course. Your body just told me to start at your yoni,” and she laid her hands in a V over my pelvis, while asking me some questions related to second chakra issues.

Some stuff came up which lead her to my feet, where we talked A LOT about grounding and other first chakra issues. She is not the first to say this to me. It turns out that I don’t spend very much time in my body. I’m working on this, and yet it still appears to be the case. When Melanie said this, I heard myself say, “They train doctors not to be in our bodies,” and I felt in my body the truth of this statement. We are taught to ignore hunger cues, sleepiness, physical pain, and illness. So it’s no wonder so many of us wander around ungrounded.

Melanie reminded me that my mission will come forth, the book tour would go smoothly, and I would serve my calling, if only I can stay grounded. I knew she was right -- and she talked me through some tips intended to help me.

She then moved through all the chakras, commenting and asking questions as she went, letting me know what she read in my energy fields in a nurturing, safe, sacred, allowing way. I surprised myself with what came up.

Fear of holding power -- and losing it

With her hands over my belly--my third chakra--we spoke about power: my fear of it, my glory in it, the celebration of my calling, the experience I had of wielding it with love when I spoke at the BlogHer keynote to 2400 women. We spoke about my alter ego Victoria Rochester, my inner diva, who can be a total bitch but who loves to be the center of attention and comes in real handy when I have to get up on stage in front of thousands of people. We talked about the little girl who gets gun-shy when everybody’s looking at me. We talked through a lot of my fears about the book tour- fear of exposure, of being rejected, of not being “gotten,” of being the sacrificial lamb for my mission, of being deified and demonized.

Most profoundly, Melanie had her hands on my jaw bones, when I started talking about how pissed off I was at doctors -- the ones who trained me, the ones I worked with in the past, and the ones that didn’t treat me well when I was the patient. I thought I had gotten over this. I even wrote a love letter to doctors meant to release some of this. But as she rubbed her fingers over my tempuro-mandibular joint, I found myself weeping. I said, “I feel called to help doctors, to heal my profession, and to change how health care is practiced, but how can I do this when I am still pissed at them.” More weeping. I said, “They hurt me,” and I suddenly felt about seven years old.

My ex-husband used to say that, at times, I behaved like an abused child -- and I wasn’t. I had a blissful childhood and wonderful parents. And yet, the biggest wounds of my young life come from my medical training. I still cower when I think of the teachers who yelled, threw scalpels, and handed me the suction catheter in the OR while leering and saying, “Suck me good, Lissa. Suck me hard, Lissa,” time and time again. I know it’s different--and I don’t mean to undermine what anyone else might have experienced, but it often felt like I was a child being molested, one who wasn’t allowed to speak of the atrocities inflicted upon me, one who was silenced by fear of rejection, fear of expulsion, fear of failure.

Finding my voice

With Melanie’s hands over the area of my fifth chakra--my voice--I heard myself say, “I couldn’t even tell anybody what they were doing to me.” And yet, there in her safe arms, I could say it. I could cry and get angry and feel pissed and let it, finally, go. I think I will write a hate letter to doctors so I can truly begin to love them again.

While she cradled my head in her hands, I breathed--in and out--and released some more stuck junk, knowing it no longer served me. And then, as we wrapped up, Melanie helped me come up with a grounding kit to keep me rooted as I went out on the on road for my book tour. Included in my grounding kit was the pink feather fan Mama Gena gave me, flower essences, Victoria Rochester, my drum, the crystals Dana gave me, the green juice I love, raw cacao balls, and a yoni meditation Melanie helped me learn to do. I started then to imbue these objects with the energy to ground me, to keep me in my body. As long as I stayed there, the rest will sort itself out.

Melanie suggested that I think of this book tour as a healing journey. She didn’t know that my tour actually began in Chicago, where I trained to become an OB/GYN, where the deepest of my wounds were inflicted. I had to smile. What if this book tour was not just for other people? What if, in the process of helping others heal, I heal myself? Wow.

As I read what I’ve just written, I feel like it fails to even begin to relate what I experienced during my session. It’s hard to put energy into words. It’s something you FEEL, not something you say or write. But something had shifted. I could tell. It was as if I’ve had some icky gunk gumming up my psyche, like a lightbulb coated with crap on the inside that fails to let the light shine through. Melanie just cleaned out my lightbulb with love, healing hands, and permission to let go.

Thank you Melanie.

What about you? What within you is stuck and needs to be shook loose? What is gumming up your lightbulb? What do you need to shine your light?

Feeling awfully sparkly,

Lissa