
How many times have you bitten your tongue in a board meeting or muzzled yourself when your boss starts spouting off? How many times have you failed to speak up when you disagree with your business partner? How often have you ignored your intuition and kept your mouth shut because you’re afraid of creating conflict with your clients, colleagues, or superiors?
Oh yeah, baby. I feel you.
When I was a medical student and resident, I felt powerless. The senior physicians in charge of my education were responsible for my grade, whether I got to scrub in on the big surgeries, and whether or not I got to graduate. To appease them, I endured frequent bouts of sexual harassment (like the surgeon who would hand me the suction catheter in the operating room and leer at me while hissing “Suck me good, Lissa. Suck me hard, Lissa.”)
I tolerated what amounted to assault and battery (like the time I came in with the flu and the senior physician shot me up with anti-nausea drugs, made me wear a Depends diaper, and forced me to scrub into the operating room until I passed out, then put me on a gurney, loaded me up with IV fluids and more drugs, and made me scrub back into surgery.) I ignored the orgasmic cries of my bosses having affairs in the call rooms when I needed their advice on patient care.
Most importantly, I kept my mouth shut, like a good little doctor-in-training.
On one level, I was rewarded for doing so. I made good grades. I got good evaluations. And I got a great job after I finished my training.
On another level, I suffered. I wound up with high blood pressure. I got divorced - twice. I had nightmares. I got sick often.
You’d think I’d finally find my voice to speak up once I finished my training, but I was just the junior associate in the group medical practice, so I clammed up when my boss started spouting off when I disagreed. I wanted to get promoted to full partner, where I would finally be rewarded with power and money and influence.
But then I got promoted to full partner, and I still didn’t speak my truth.
I was afraid of rocking the boat, fearful of discord within the partnership, insecure about my own ideas, and committed to avoiding conflict. In my practice, they called me “the glue.” I was the peacemaker. Everyone spoke their truth to me, and then I helped repair rifts.
But throughout the process, I kept my mouth shut.
Then one day, after what I came to call my “Perfect Storm” (I gave birth, my dog died, my brother wound up in liver failure, and my father passed away, all in 2 weeks), I found my voice. No longer was I willing to go quietly into the night. I had something to say - damn it - and by golly, I was going to finally say it.
So I started asking for what I needed at work. I spoke up at our weekly meetings. I expressed my opinions. I stood up for myself and my patients. I used my voice, for the first time - maybe ever.
After mustering up the courage to speak my truth, I got shot down. Nobody heard my voice. I felt powerless. And so I left.
Once I left my job, I began writing books. And I started blogging and writing magazine articles and public speaking. And I’ve been pretty much been shouting my truth from rooftops and stages ever since. I’ve learned that speaking (or shouting) my truth is part of being unapologetically me and that when I speak with love and acceptance my truth can be heard by thousands of people.
While speaking my truth at my old job didn’t effect the changes I wanted, it made it VERY clear to me that I couldn’t stay, which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me professionally.
Once I left and launched out on my own as an entrepreneur, I discovered that speaking my truth was the golden ticket to success. I successfully attract clients because my clients know I will tell them the truth about their health and their businesses. I have millions of readers at OwningPink.com because I blog my truth. I just got a big phat book deal for my third book because I write my truth. I have hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers and thousand of Facebook friends because I tweet and post my truth. I get invited to be the keynote speaker at conferences because I speak my truth on stage. And corporate sponsors pay me to be a spokesperson for their companies because they know I’ll only support their products if I can speak my truth when I speak out on their behalf.
I now get paid to speak my truth, and it feels AWESOME. Not only do I no longer have the knot in my stomach and lump in my throat from sucking it up and keeping my mouth shut; I also get rewarded for speaking my truth! It turns out that I’m even more powerful when I resist the urge to tone it down or keep quiet about something that’s bothering me. People actually like it when I rant (as I did here and here and here and here).
Once I began speaking my truth, there was no shutting me up. I can’t go back to the way I was. I have a voice, damn it. And you do too.
Are you ready to use it?
My dear friend Dana Theus just launched a fabulous new program aimed at helping you reclaim your authentic voice in business. Whether you’re a solopreneur who wants to speak her truth to clients or you're employed by a large organization , this program is all about helping you thrive at work by reclaiming your voice.
You’ll learn to speak up, be true to your integrity, and release the fear that keeps you from saying what you really think. You’ll learn how to avoid putting people on the defensive when you speak up. You’ll boost your career by speaking more like a leader than a follower. And if you’re not sure what your truth is, this course will help you tap into that authentic voice we all have so you can project it loud and clear.
Read more about the Speak Your Truth To Power e-course here.
Are you honest and authentic at work? Do you speak up - or do you keep your mouth shut to avoid conflict? What has happened when you told your truth? Tell us your stories.
Truthfully yours,
Lissa
Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of OwningPink.com, Pink Medicine Revolutionary, motivational speaker, and author of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.
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Comments
Lissa, Your story really hits
By Monica Crowe (not verified) on Friday, 11/18/2011 at 8:25 AMLissa, Your story really hits home for me. I was always the one to stay quiet and be the peacemaker. From time to time it backfired on me, because I was so bottled up I would burst out speaking my truth in an over the top way. Now I'm making it a point to speak up and speak out. It's a much healthier way to be.
Lissa, Your story really hits
By Monica Crowe (not verified) on Friday, 11/18/2011 at 8:23 AMLissa, Your story really hits home for me. I was always the one to stay quiet and be the peacemaker. From time to time it backfired on me, because I was so bottled up I would burst out speaking my truth in an over the top way. Now I'm making it a point to speak up and speak out. It's a much healthier way to be.
I love The Happiness Project
By Lissa Rankin on Wednesday, 10/19/2011 at 6:49 AMGreat book! And Gretchen is lovely.
I totally agree. The answer to not being heard is not to scream and throw a hissy fit- it's to set boundaries and demand respect or choose to walk away. In my case, I wasn't heard when I spoke up- and every attempt I made to change how I spoke so I might be heard failed. There was a line in the sand and it was literally "Our way or the highway," so I had to choose the highway. And that's okay.
Behaving badly would not have been the answer and would have failed to achieve the result I wanted. In fact, I suspect it would have only made me feel worse. The highway, on the other hand, was the fast track to my happiness.
xoxo
Lissa
Good question
By Rowena Starling (not verified) on Tuesday, 10/18/2011 at 10:37 PMWhat do you do when on one listens or wants to hear it or ignores you? Is that when violence occurs? Do you beat 'em down?
One answer may be...
By Tinamarie (not verified) on Wednesday, 10/19/2011 at 4:55 AMMy husband and I are reading the Happiness Project right now (Gretchen Ruben) and she basically made that point! That children stop listening and act out when they feel ignored. When we as adults listen to them, mirror their concerns and use a positive frame of reference when instructing them, chances are they will behave the way we are wanting to shape them. What's more, parents use about 75 % negative language without even realizing it (eg. Instead of saying STOP! or NO! she suggests something like: Of course you'd love to run fast right now, and as soon as we get to the park, you can. Or If I had a magic wand I'd make this homework go away too. Use your smartest magic to do it as best as you can right now).
How does this relate? I'm thinking that so many of us grow up with those negative narratives and come out of the otherside of childhood with wounds of feeling ignored or unheard etc, and it's no wonder violence becomes hte pattern of solving problems at times.I'm imagining that means healing ourselves, growing ourselves up to then be able to choose the peaceful path most often.
Shalmonaste.
Heal
By Rowena Starling (not verified) on Wednesday, 10/19/2011 at 11:11 AMLet the healing begin. This is a truly TALL order. So much work needed for vast numbers of people.
Oh good!
By Lissa Rankin on Monday, 10/17/2011 at 12:28 PMTinamarie- I WANT TO HEAR YOUR TRUTH!!! We all do. Really. Please don't let them silence you, my love. And yes, you knew me when...things have changed, eh?
And Heidi, I love shaking people's worlds up, gurl! Go get 'em, tiger.
Love to you both
Lissa
Dang Gurl,
By Heidi (not verified) on Monday, 10/17/2011 at 11:51 AMYour talking about me aren't you. I think you might have shook up my world!
Love you for it sister.
Heidi.
Inspiration
By Tinamarie (not verified) on Monday, 10/17/2011 at 11:04 AMThanks Lissa for sharing this. I can say that as your former patient, there is a remarkable shift in you since you've started speaking your truth. It feels so darn awesome when we overcome that fear and find our voices, you know...and then the universe contrives to challenge us again in our growth journey. I am now in a place where I feel silenced again. Just this weekend, I spoke my truth and no one wanted to hear it! It was very frustrating, so your blog is coming at a critical time in my life. Appreciating you! Tinamarie