Owning Pink Bloggers
How Taking Things Personally Could Change the World
“It’s nothing personal, Susan; it’s just business.” This was the moment when I felt myself tip off emotional balance and sway to the side of my friend, with whom I was in disagreement on a particular topic. Until that moment, I was clear in my thoughts and reasoning, ethics and values…yet the disdainful tone in her voice caused me to jump ship on my own ideals and swim toward her piracy, where my own voice would be pillaged. Why did that accusation cause such a well of shame to bubble up within that I reacted with such haste, that I abandon myself just so as not to be perceived as taking it personally? And what would it mean if I were to take it personally? Somehow, in my bourgeois American upbringing, I had come to define taking it personally as choosing the petty act of defending myself on mundane issues over pursuit of greater ideals of intelligence and progress. Yet what is more important than living an authentic life, even if it means attending to the mundane?
What if we did start taking things personally?
As I contemplated this dilemma, I see it occurring on a macro level as well. We are all experiencing to some degree the effects of our world in crisis. From global economies collapsing, to man-made disasters wreaking havoc on our environment, to a population growing sick with the symptoms of obesity, infertility, cancers and autoimmune disease, we are trapped between the potent cry of outrage for change in our relationship to our lives and our planet and our belief that we as individuals cannot make a difference. Instead of taking action, are trapped in impotent patterns of the daily grind, of our escape-hatches of food, alcohol, tv, etc.
Recent history demonstrates that it is when we take things personally, we become change agents. We recently experienced it worldwide when Barack Obama was elected president, and the globe celebrated our efforts and joined in our hope. Regardless of which candidate you backed, the degree to which this political race was taken personally was equivalent to the accelerating momentum for change and the heightened sense of being alive was inescapable.
Today, June 8, we’ve got an election coming up in many states across the country. In California, there are several issues on the ballot, the outcomes of which will eventually affect you personally. I recommend that you Take It Personally – get out and vote. And after that, look around to see what else you wish to reclaim as a passion, an expression of your authentic life.
It is your one life – will you take it personally?
Susan
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Great answer, Susan!
By Lissa Rankin on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 8:45 PMAh...I get it. And I agree.
Yes, it IS fun, isn't it, love?
Thanks SO much for being here!
saving ourselves iS saving the world...
By Susan Fox on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 8:19 PMDana, this is IT! If we continuously forfeit ourselves to the overwhelming noise of the bells & whistles out there (or codes red/orange/yellow - you do realize there will never be a green in this arrangement-it just wouldn't serve the purpose), there is no room for US, for HERE & NOW. Who then takes action? It is a perfect set-up for impotence. We see it in the whining bickering of politicians and the media talking-heads, who prefer to proffer criticism without offering a modicum of solution. Me, I'm excited to take it personally. Good to feel that I matter.
isn't that the truth?
By Lissa Rankin on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 8:18 PMI totally agree Susan. It's like when the guy breaks up with you and says "it's not you, it's me." When really- it's you. And he just doesn't want to face how you respond to the truth. It's a cop out, really, the whole "Don't take it personally" thing.
I've been facing my own issues with this lately, but in a different way. I've had a hard time receiving a lot of the public attention I've been getting lately. I go places and people I don't know are like "Oh my God! You're Lissa Rankin!" and it kind of freaks me out. I have a tendency when they start gushing to diminish what they say. "Oh no, I'm not all those things. Oh no, I'm not deserving of your praise, etc" And it comes across to others as- I don't know- almost arrogant.
So a mentor who has had much more attention than me gave me this advice. "Learn it now, Lissa. None of it is personal. Not the good stuff. Not the bad stuff. They don't really love and deify you. And they don't really demonize you. They love or hate whatever they see of themselves in your mirror. Those who are gushing are crediting you with how good they feel when they're in your presence. But it's not personal."
So I'm trying to figure that out. Then what IS personal?
I'm honestly not sure....
What is Personal
By Susan Fox on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 8:28 PMWhat is personal is what you do with your own feelings. It's not that you should take on the projections...they are not you nor are they yours. But the exchange is coming to you, and so YOU can step in and take it as an opportunity to show who YOU ARE. You are Lissa Rankin. You may not be the projection that the other places on you, or you may be exactly that person, and STILL not the projection that they place on you! That is where this becomes an opportunity. You have a chance to Take It Personally - to take back, reclaim and restate who you are, to enthusiastically acknowledge that because someone sees you as a "WHOO HOO", then that it the person they can access, relate to and shine from themselves. This is like a fun game...
and even with the guy example....If you authentically take it personally, then really it's both the "you" and the "me" that is being called out. And of course, we can only address that which is our...again and again, an oportunity to take it personally.
I think I'm beginning to have some real fun with this! Care to join?
Maybe you SHOULD take that
By Simone (not verified) on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 1:25 PMMaybe you SHOULD take that personally...is something I've said to friends who don't seem to Get it when a thing happens over and over to them. Signal, anybody? I use the phrase, "Don't take it personally," when a situation is simply not about the person and their ego, but I use the former when it should be (more so). I think the difference in taking things personally EFFECTIVELY is to know the difference when we should and shouldn't — and that comes down to intention(s) and desire to make/effect/be the change. Nice one, Susan.
taking it personally as potent medicine
By Susan Fox on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 7:50 PMYES Simone, this is exactly my point! How and whether we choose to respond in Taking It Personally can either contribute to our confusion or lead us out of it. I find that most often when I hear the intro "don't take it personally", it is an attempt to deflect that something is about to be said that IS personal while not being held accountable for the exchange. To take it personally, whether the response is to take action or choose non-action, enables us to strengthen our self-knowledge and self-love, to "put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others". I look forward to seeing what I take personally now that this is closer to my consciousness!
Amen, sister
By Lissa Rankin on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 7:13 AMYes, I DO take it personally. To do otherwise is to ignore our own truth, put it on the back burner and pretend we don't mind. In my old job, I heard that phrase countless times and I got sick and tired of it. It felt like the term "Don't take it personally" was a rationalization for being unkind and sometimes downright unethical. I was expected to "Buck up baby" and suck it up.
Until I said no. And left.
And now, I do take it personally- and it feels so friggin' GOOD!!!
Thanks for the reminder, love.
xoxo
so friggin' GOOD
By Susan Fox on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 8:07 PMAmen and hallelujah...to be free from the impulse to please another at our own soul's expense. To be courageous to call foul when we see/hear/feel it with the calm dignity that Taking It Personally can bring to our self-awareness. Truly, the moment I decided to take it personally, the confusion fell away, and I had clarity of what was actually taking place. In the incident I described, I haven't needed to say another word or take any external action. My perceptions have shifted, and I am relieved of the need to engage in the conflict of that disagreement. Such peace! I wish that all my fellow Pinkies an opportunity to experience this. I am reminded of the line in Desiderata: "you are a child of the Universe; you have a right to be here."
YES
By Dana Theus on Tuesday, 06/08/2010 at 7:08 AMSusan
I couldn't agree more. And you're right that when we commit to live an authentic life, it becomes harder to "shut down" our values and dreams in our professional life. I want us all to explore this theme more deeply on Owning Pink because it's so important to saving ourselves and saving the world. We CAN do both at the same time. And we MUST.
Thank you for your wise words.
Love, Light and Blessings
~Dana