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Teaching Our Kids To Trust Their Instincts

Steve Sisgold's picture

photo credit: photoxpress.com

Teen suicides, cyber and gang bullying, and drug/alcohol use are at epidemic levels. What can we do -- as parents, teachers, coaches and community members -- to help?

For starters, we can teach children to listen to and trust their gut instincts. The body has a natural protective brain in the gut and we all need to be encouraged to listen to it. By encouraging our children to trust their gut at an early age, we can save them from overriding their instinctual feelings and starting down the wrong path. If they know they can tune in to their own strength, their own voices, then they will have the opportunity to make better decisions.

As a body centered therapist and family communication advocate, I am calling out for parents to encourage their kids to communicate with family and friends about their gut and visceral feelings at a very early age. One way we can do this is by validating our children's physical symptoms of being hungry, full, hot, cold, etc.

"I'm burning hot, Mom!"

Sometimes we unconsciously teach our children that what they feel is not accurate. It isn't necessarily intentional and it often occurs because we don't want to feel what we feel (guilt? inconvenienced?) from our child's request. For example, "Mommy I'm so hot, I want to take my sweater off!" And we're busy, so we say, "You're not hot and it isn't hot in here, keep it on!" This behavior inadvertently teaches the child to think, "Hmm, maybe I don't know what I am feeling?"

We need to see that this is the child's budding innate wisdom and when we can, we should encourage it. Problems arise when children are invalidated when sharing their true feelings. A child's emotions erupt from frustration and confusion, causing them to pull away from those around them and stop trusting themselves. We can start early. When our children reveal feelings coming from their bodys' wisdom, it's important for us to pay attention!

Whole body awareness

As infants, we live naturally in a state of whole body awareness; vitality, curiosity, and passionate enthusiasm literally pour through our bodies as pure awareness. As we grow older, our cognitive awareness begins to develop. We learn to rely less and less on body intelligence once mental intelligence kicks in.

In a culture that places greater value on thinking then feeling, and emphasizes reason over gut-knowing, our body's important messages are often suppressed or simply go dormant. As parents, it's important to encourage our children to trust their bodys' messages -- like butterflies in the stomach, body temperature changes, clenching of fists, nervous sweats, etc, to navigate their everyday experiences with greater ease and insight into situations that could be potentially harmful.

When a child expresses physical or emotional discomfort and is repeatedly met with frustration or disapproval, he or she soon learns that it isn't safe or acceptable to feel. The child gets the message loud and clear -- your body isn't reliable -- and begins to adapt and conform to misguided demands and expectations. The cost to the child is tremendous; both spontaneous self-expression and the simple joy of being can be rapidly lost.

What do you think? Are you in touch with your own inner wisdom and body awareness? Do you remember learning to distrust your body as a child? Do you feel that you can help to teach your children to follow their body's instincts? Share your story!

Blessings  Steve

www.onedream.com

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Comments

Leslee Horner's picture

Thank you Steve!

I just wrote about this a couple of weeks ago on my blog and touched on it in an article I co-authored with a friend that will be published in our local Natural Awakenings.

Your point about the "hot" thing is a good one I haven't even thought of. I have to admit I do this a bit with my youngest daughter. She is 4 and is constantly asking for food. She will request a snack shortly after having a huge lunch. My reaction is often to tell her she can't possibly be hungry b/c she just finished eating.

I will have to be more aware of how I handle these moments. I think my big fear is that she will become an emotional eater, which I have struggled with throughout my life.

Thanks for this article, it was very insightful and true!

Leslee

Love and Light,

Leslee

Visit my website:  www.lesleehorner.com

Steve 's picture

Leslee, MAHALO

Leslee,

Thank you.
I have met many amazing moms and dads who share the same as you did. It can be so subtle how we miss the beat and signal to our kids, you don't feel that.

Keep breathing, and let me know how I can help per your concern about her being an emotional eater. Keep breathing with her and having her touch her body and say what she is feeling in there.

Bless,

Steve

Lakenda Wallace's picture

Thank you.

I will try that with Trini. I now think about how she crosses her arms and holds herself tight when she's feeling unhappy overwhelm. I can see how working that out through her body can also help her work it out of her body memory, release and free her up.

Thank you!

Love & Blessings,
Lakenda, a.k.a. Good Witch
GoodWitch BadWitch.com
StillSitting.NET, Less Stress, More

Lakenda Wallace's picture

Teaching Expression

I have been blessed with one child who has no issues telling me what she thinks and what she feels. Well her name is Liberty and she named herself while still in my womb. My thought? Liberty? Is that a name? Yes. And she's lived up to it every day.

My second daughter, Trinity, has the opposite issue. She feels deeply, but has issues expressing. She gets upset or mad and sits in a corner with her arms folded. I try to help her put words around her feelings so they don't remain giant, unmanageable blocks in her path. Of course, Trinity is fine expressing the happy.

I believe feelings are valid because we feel them and I try to teach that to my little bubbahs. But how do you work with a little one who seems to invalidate her own feelings before they are even expressed?

Thank you for the reminders. Priceless.
Lakenda

Love & Blessings,
Lakenda, a.k.a. Good Witch
GoodWitch BadWitch.com
StillSitting.NET, Less Stress, More

Steve 's picture

Your question

Hi Lakenda,

Thanks and I love your children's names.

Begin any way you can to model and introduce breathing and expressing your body feelings with Trinity.

Ask her to touch areas in her body that have feelings, sensations etc.

Blessings,

Steve

Lissa Rankin's picture

I hear you Steve

I learned to ignore my body years ago. As a physician in training for 8 years, you are constantly expected to override the needs of the body. You're hungry but you can't eat. You need to pee but you're in the middle of a delivery. You're freezing in the OR but you can't get warm. So you learn to dissociate. You stop feeling the body as a protective mechanism, and then you wonder why you feel so numb.

Lately, I've been feeling this pit in my gut and I'm not sure what to make of it. It comes up largely when I think about my upcoming book tour. I find myself getting short of breath. I know it's all anxiety in response to all that's coming- very soon. But I'm not sure how to interpret it. Is it a warning sign? Is my body trying to tell me something? Or is it only natural and a sign that I'm starting to FEEL again?

Thanks for making me think, Steve!

n/a
Steve 's picture

gut brain

Lissa,

Your gut brain has a message for you and will reveal belief systems.

Try saying out loud what you want on your book tour and see what your gut reveals to you.

S

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