This may sound very obvious, but have you ever noticed that most of your problems seem to be about other people doing things you don't like (or not doing things you want)?

Just think about it for a moment. How many of your problems and emotional turbulence are related to any of these things?

Family, lover, children, government, boss, colleagues, friends. . .

Do you ever wish someone would just stop doing something or be a little different. . . and your life would be so much better?

I know for many people their problems are (in their mind at least) 90-100% caused by other people. For me personally, the % that I think other people are the 'cause' of my problems varies depending on how I am aware of the three simple principles I will share with you now.

Lets go on a little journey into our minds and hearts and see what bizarre things are happening.

For example: "I don't like how he treats me", "there are weird vibrations coming from her", "she always does that", "It makes me angry when he does that", "I wish he would just do... and then I'd be..." etc., etc.

When we are emotionally affected by others, we are in effect saying and believing:

MY EMOTIONAL STATE is in YOUR HANDS

or

WHAT YOU DO dictates HOW I FEEL

or

YOU are in control of MY Life (based on what you do or don't do)

In other words, we have given away our power to feel good and be happy to another person. We believe they are the one who needs to be changed and then all will be well again.

We may have heard about this idea and know it well. . . but still. . . how many times do we keep thinking someone else needs to change?

Lets get real!

This 'You are the cause of MY feelings' is a chronic view of the world and very, very, very few people have liberated themselves from it.

As long as we genuinely believe 'I will only be happy/contented/peaceful/relaxed when YOU do xzy' - we are setting ourselves up for constant disappointment and a life of drama after drama.

The subtle mechanics behind all this drama is created because we have set up an arbitrary expectation of what person X should be like and then when they don't live up to our expectation we choose to punish ourselves by feeling anger, resentment, irritation, depression etc.

WE HAVE AN EXPECTATION > THEY DON'T GO ALONG WITH IT > WE PUNISH OURSELVES

Hmmmm....

Where do the emotions of irritation, anger, revenge, fear come from? We create them in our bodies based on our reaction to the situation. We have become very good at punishing ourselves when someone else doesn't do what we wanted them to. (And in most cases, they never agreed to do it anyway!!!)

Lets look at the wonderful madness we have again in a bit more detail:

1. We create an expectation of someone's behavior (that often the other person does not know about and has not agreed to.)
2. They don't go along with it.
3. We punish ourselves (by getting angry, depressed, etc.)
4. Repeat process until either:

• they change (unlikely)
• we change
• we leave the situation (and then it happen again with a different person)

What is the cure for this?

Firstly, we need to love being free of drama and make a happy state of being a priority. As long as we subtly love the drama of life and want to be 'right' and make others wrong, prove a point or have moral high-ground we can't escape this suffering and self-punishment.

We need to take 100% responsibility for our feelings and our lives.

Secondly, we need to learn to see others as they are - rather than as we would like them to be! The main reason for disappointment and irritation is because the other person is not living up to our idea of them. In fact, in many cases, we have not seen the other person at all. We only see our fantasy of them (which is then repeatedly shattered). I saw Pierce Brosnan, who played James Bond 007, the other day while having coffee. He lives in the area. He came on his bicycle, which he left and it fell over. He was smaller, fatter and less attractive than I had imagined and everything about him was very ordinary and I could have been disappointed if he was my hero.

The cure? Accept everyone exactly as they are. From the depths of our heart - give them 100% permission to be exactly as they are. Let them be themselves. Let them talk, eat, do what they want. They are a real person like you. Let them be.

The only exception is if you are being attacked physically or in some way that directly affects you, in which case appropriate action (or legal action) may be needed.

Thirdly. Focus on Yourself.

We spend so much time trying to change other people and complaining about them in our mind, or trying to protect ourselves from them (or their apparent bad vibes) that we forgot to do the one and only thing that we have real power over - changing ourselves!

We need to become loving and peaceful in ourselves. We need to love and appreciate ourselves, develop our gifts and love being alive. It's time to wake up and put the energy we have where it gets a real possible result - and that is on making sure we are happy, full, contented and able to give. Never mind what someone else is dong that you are upset about because they didn't pamper your ego - focus on where the gold is - in you.

If everyone in the world were to stop wasting energy on blaming, controlling and thinking about others and use that saved energy on how they can love themselves, and be happy in their hearts, minds and in their lives we would live in heaven right now.

Let us all focus our energy where it matters, so we become a role model of love and harmony and someone who inspires others to look within. Charity starts at home. Let us find the home firstly within our own hearts and then into our homes, our work, community and into the world. Claim back your precious power and be happy always.

Love,

*m

(Michael Mackintosh)