I don’t know a lot about relationships. I’ve had the good, the bad, the ugly, and the confusing. I’ve had good that went bad, and bad that went good. Some last a while, and others fall away all-too-soon. Sometimes there’s a reason and sometimes there isn’t. They’re only commonality is that they are all unique.
I’ve had the kind that swept me off my feet, the kind that had to “burn themselves up just to make themselves alive,” the kind that started off nowhere and stayed there, the kind I wanted so much to stay, and the kind that I couldn’t wait to leave. Now, as Alice Waters says, “I want a good pal to be in the world with.” And it would really help if I adored him and he adored me right back, just the way we are and just the way we’ll be.
My famiy is funny. Crazy, but fun. The kind that puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional.” We’ve been through really awful times. Sad times. Happy times. We’ve been everywhere together. The particular: churches, divorce court, funeral parlors, schools; and the mundane: grocery stores, parks of all shapes and sizes, shopping malls. We grew up chasing tadpoles in nearby ponds, climbing trees, and making mud pies. My siblings and I grew wise witnessing emotions and situations that were far beyond our maturity levels. We loved and hated with gusto. We live fully. I wouldn’t trade them for anyone. I’ll take them just as they are, baggage and all, because they always leave the light on for me.
Some, the inner circle, are my family. I’ve known them for so long that I can scarcely remember my life without them. Some came to visit in my life for a while, and then made an exit - sometimes gracious and sometimes not-so-gracious. They teach me, help me, push me, support me, shape me. They make these days worthwhile. I love the thrill of making new ones, and I love the comfort of the old ones. “Silver and gold,” as the Girl Scouts say.
No matter how we slice and dice the make-up of relationships, they’re still a mystery to me. They seem to have a life of their own that’s greater than the two people could ever be separately. I’m trying to just celebrate them for exactly what they are, for however long they last. I learn something from each one. I’m going to sit with this subject of relationships for a while, watching, remembering, and paying tribute. So many of mine are in flux these days, and I need the time to figure out the how and why and what now.
I’d love to hear about your relationships, the ones that really matter, whether they’re still in your life or not. What did you learn from them? What would you change? Did you leave something unsaid or did you say something you wish you could take back?
Growing more curious by the minute,
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