How do you express your frustration? Do you yell at friends? Your lover? Pull your hair out? Does it make you feel better? 

I believe that, when practiced mindfully and with heart, a tantrum can actually be a powerful self-care tool.

I’ve never been one for throwing tantrums myself. But I must confess that the recent changes in my life -- MS diagnosis, new diet, step-daughter moving in, and taking a new daily self-injection all in the space of a month –-  have sparked more than a few. Unfortunately, my husband is often on the receiving end of them.

At first, I was embarrassed by these tantrums. I saw them as childish and out of control. Now, however, if I throw them with heart, I see tantrums as a way to shed light on hidden feelings and recover my mojo.

The good and the bad

How effective my tantrums are depends on how honest I am with myself (and my husband). A recent tantrum occurred when my husband prepared soup for dinner, with a side of sausage for himself. Not only was I starving, but I could no longer eat red meat and the smell of cooking sausage was killing me. I so wanted that sausage. And so, I threw a fit. I stomped around angry. How could he? Huff. Puff. Then I cried. I cried a lot. It wasn’t his fault, nor mine. It's just htat my life had suddenly changed - and so dramatically. I was grieving my former foodie life, angry that the risks of cheating were too high, and afraid the diet wouldn't help keep me well. I explained all this. He held me until I stopped crying. It wasn't a pretty sight, but I felt better.

Healthy self-expression

A good tantrum can be a powerful way to explore our fears and a healthy means of self-expression. You could even say it is part of self-care.  But how do you throw a Pink tantrum without injuring your relationships? Here are a few tips:

Don't suppress it. We are taught to suppress feelings (I certainly was). But a tantrum -- which, by definition, is something that is out of our control -- can help us access feelings we didn't know we had. Suppressed feelings hurt our health and our relationships. So let the tantrum come.

Speak from your heart. A tantrum for tantrum’s sake only exacerbates our pain and alienation. You may be annoyed your husband is eating chocolate when you can't, but why?  Instead of yelling at him, yell about how you grieve for chocolate. Own the truth of your pain and you own your Pinkness.

Talk of your fear. Fear is at the root of most tantrums. In one doozy of a tantrum, I yelled about the cost of lights being left on. Truthfully, I wasn’t worried about a few extra dollars on next month's utility bill. I was afraid of being left alone, broke and disabled. Only when I confessed that were we able to do something about my fear.

Unresolved frustration can zap us of our mojo. And it strikes everyone at some point. For those living with chronic illness or loss, frustration is amplified. My prescription? An occasional heartfelt tantrum that helps expose fears so I can live a more authentic life. 

How do you express your frustration? Do you express it at all? How might you do it in a way that is from the heart, and helps you Own Pink?