My judge speaks to me all the time. He tells me what I can and can't do. We spoke recently about my creative pursuit of writing and illustrating a comic book about my personal growth experience. Here's how our conversation went…
You shouldn't write this book. Here's why…
You're not cut out to be a published author — those types are really confident, accomplished, can speak to audiences of any size, do a really impressive radio interview, and handle small talk and deep talk like a pro.
They're uber-intelligent — the sort of folks who got A's while you were getting C's. Nice job on that one by the way… C's in your Creative Writing major in college… pretty sad, man.
So you're not published-writer-material — got it?
You'll never be willing to stand up for your message – you want someone else to do it for you. Yeah, like sales — that scares you too much. You think the publisher will take care of you like Mommy & Daddy? Think again.
Not that your manuscript would ever be accepted, but if they did make some kind of mistake and it happened, you'd be left hanging to do all the promotion yourself and burn out trying to make ends meet. Not a pretty picture.
Did I mention you aren't good at finishing projects?
We know you can start them. Of course, anyone can start a project — it takes guts and willpower to finish. And I don't mean just writing the last words, we're talking about moving it forward, putting it out there, letting the world know you care about what you have to say and actually sharing it!
Never gonna happen. Just sayin'.
• • • • • • •
Okay, so you got me through childhood. For that I owe you a lot of respect and gratitude. Well done.
But now,… BACK OFF!
You're getting in between my spirit and my humanity. You don't make sense. Or you make so much sense that I don't trust you anymore. You're all fear and no flow.
You're not helping me. You're an old program that thinks it's alive. Your voice isn't even made up — it's canned, a flurry of repeat shows, playing over and over the same story lines in different contexts as the years pass.
I'm not replacing you with affirmations. I don't need a voice track in my life. I want to listen to my experience. I'm releasing my exclusive ear from your wailing. I'm letting you flail as I walk by. You may do your song and dance, but I have no change for you.
The only change I have is for me. For me to listen to my heart. For me to let my spirit guide me. To be present to reality and let your stories be a fuzzy, static stream in the background. You are white noise to me.
I'm not interested in your program. It's boring. I'm over it. I'd rather watch the new show, recorded live and never played again. That's the one I'll watch — once.
Do you have a judge in you? What's your relationship to them? How do they seem to help you and how do they seem to get in your way? When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart with your judge?
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