The Power Of Come

Kim Anami's picture

The Power of Come

Is your orgasm a genital sneeze?

Or does it change your life? 

An orgasm can be a brief, few seconds of pelvic contractions.

Or it can transform you.

Over my years of sexploration, I’ve come to view orgasms as one of the most powerful and effective personal growth tools we have access to.

And they’re free.

They’re portable.

Available anytime, anywhere (at least in my love-of-public-sex reality).

If your orgasms are anything less than monumental, energizing, rejuvenating and massively pleasurable, you’re doing them wrong.

Just like your intimate relationship: if it isn’t your source of sanctuary, pleasure and revitalization, something is wrong.

To me, the art of coming, is the art of arriving.

Into oneself. Into another person.

The idea of “la petite mort,” or the little death means that every orgasm is an opportunity to be reborn.

Use it.

Your bed and relationship is the arena in which you can transform and alchemize all the disparate parts of yourself. When you learn how to use the power of sexual love in your life, anything is possible.

Most people underestimate the power of their intimate relationships. They reduce them to family units and economic agreements of convenience. While these may be valid parts of a marriage, to have them as its sole purpose is a waste.

The most powerful use of our partnerships—and orgasms—is as vessels for transformation. We destroy our false parts and grow our true ones.

Yet, this untapped potential lies dormant in so many marriages. In my opinion, this is why so many marriages fail—they simply aren’t being used for their intended function. The secondary purposes they serve aren’t enough to sustain their lives over the long term.

They must have at their core a deep surrender. A willingness to die a thousand little and some monumental deaths.

Few people are.

“People living deeply have no fear of death.” ~ Anais Nin

Through letting go on the deepest level, we physiologically change ourselves (with the myriad of hormonal and neurotransmitter shifts that take place), we excrete fluids, and we get “out of ourselves” through the abandon of our conscious minds.

We shed the false layers of ourselves we have absorbed through being “civilized” and reconnect with our primal essences.

In this emptiness, we start afresh. The slate is clean, we drop our conditioned behaviors and return to a more original expression of ourselves. We let go of our cares, our agendas, our day-to-day lives and are awakened in the present moment.

Wilhelm Reich explored the direct relationship between neuroses and the ability to fully surrender to the pleasure of orgasm. He felt that orgasm was much more than a procreative act—it was an act that allowed us to recreate ourselves.

He felt that most people, especially women, had only ever had superficial experiences of orgasm (I agree). The deeper release available to them at climax could ward off neurotic states and keep them in a place of balance and harmony.

Without it, they were susceptible.

In women, the deeper states of orgasm—vaginal orgasms—can only be attained when a woman is able to fully surrender and let go: physically and emotionally.

This is why vaginal orgasms (G-Spots, U-Spots, cervical, etc.) are elusive for many women: they don’t know how to truly let go. The process goes far beyond physical stimulation.

The same idea applies to men.

An orgasm can be a few, brief, pelvic contractions or it can strengthen him, connect him deeper to his primal, masculine essence and tap into the fertile, feeling part of existence where he can flow without the censorship of rational thought.

It is this transcendent state we all crave when we pick up an after-work drink, or thrust ourselves on the vertical face of a mountain or feel the shudders of orgasm through our bodies. We want to quiet our mind chatter and tap into the flow of something greater. Something beyond words or recriminations.

We want to just BE.

It is here, that we tap into the divine flow that lies often just out of reach of our human grasping. The super-tool of orgasms and your relationship can help us to become unstuck in our daily patterns and tune into the rhythm of life.

Now do you see the power of come?



Anonymous's picture

vaginal orgasm

Thank you for this post on orgasms. I think it is almost impossible for a woman to achieve vaginal orgasm with another person. That person would have to be so tuned in to the nuances of the woman's body and mind, that they allow the slow build-up towards orgasm to occur and even to allow the woman to engage in any fantasies that might help her on the way to that orgasm.

I have only achieved this through masturbation, and do so regularly, wonderfully and fully. However, I didn't even know that a vaginal orgasm was possible until after my husband and I stopped having sex about 10 years into our 35-year marriage. Then I started to experiment with sex toys. With a vibrator (tho' I don't use the vibrating function) in one hand and fingers of other hand stimulating my clit, I reach some amazing heights of pleasurable climax.

Thank you for validating the importance of fulfilling this part of our selves.

Anonymous's picture


I would disagree to the comment that it's impossible..that is due to conditioning beliefs that do many systems of patriarchy have used to dissenter women from this place of power, pleasure, vitality and raw creativity. and I feel it may have more of the woman being intuned with herself first, to have healed deeply and love herself enough to know she deserves to be free and expressive of her essence self, which isn't categorized in boxes and definitions predefined/prescribed from outside controlling forces. what I feel is more women and men taking workshops and undergoing processes of self exploration and freedom in safe ways that let them tap into the power of coming. Because it's GREAt and super powerful and rejuvenating. This article was SO well written.

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