I'm very interested in the messages that come through in my dreams. When I have a vivid dream, I always take the time to reflect on the meaning. I have several recurring dreams, one of which involves me starting a new relationship or falling in love. I never take those dreams literally but always know they are telling me something about my relationship with myself. Lately I have been uncovering some deeply buried beliefs and last nights' dream reflected them perfectly while sparking some memories.
I dreamed that I was starting a new relationship with a man who was the combination of the first two boys in my youth who were admirers. The first boy was in my fifth grade class and one day he wrote me a letter asking if I would be his girlfriend. I checked the box under yes, passed the note back, became terrified and never spoke to him again. The second boy I met at an amusement park the summer after 8th grade. We exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for hours everyday. When we finally planned to meet up again in person I was overly critical of his appearance and told him I only liked him as a friend. After that we stopped speaking. Both of those boys were smart, cute, and kind. Both of those boys saw the light in me, they're intentions were pure. The problem was that I couldn't acknowledge in myself what they saw, therefore I couldn't accept their friendship. I managed to push them both away.
I had not thought of either of those experiences for years. I was just a child then, what did I know? But dreaming of those admirers revealed something to me. I discovered that at my core I have never felt worthy and the affects of that belief can be traced all the way back to my childhood. The pattern would repeat all throughout my youth. The boys I was attracted to wanted little to nothing to do with me. They would break dates with me, forget to call me, or outright use me. And the boys who did see the real me, the ones who would have given me the world, well they were never quite right for me. I always found an excuse and most often it was something superficial.
The truth is that I have never been comfortable receiving unconditional love because I have never been able to give it to myself. Our relationships are mirrors for our inner feelings. I am certain that if you look at the people in your life and how they treat you, you will see a reflection of the inner relationship you have with yourself. We may be tempted to try to change those people around us, but rest assured it will not change the way you are treated. Once that relationship ends another one just like it will resume. The only relationship worth changing is the one you have with yourself. The results of these inner changes may cause certain people to exit your life but not always. Very often as we become more loving to ourselves those around us lighten up and treat us better as well.
At the beginning of this year, I attended a ceremony at my church where the congregants were led in meditation to find a theme for the year. My theme is PERFECT LOVE. Someone asked me what that meant and I explained that to me it meant an unconditional and always present love that comes from within. It seems I am being led toward that theme as I learn to release and transform these old negative beliefs. The man in my dream last night represented this perfect, unconditional, and innocent love and in the dream I accepted him. I think that is an indication that I am, in fact, on my way.
What about you? Can you see how your relationships reflect your beliefs about yourself? Have you transformed your beliefs and noticed a shift in your relationships?
Love and Light,
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